How To Deal with Your Child’s Attitude Problem
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Parents,
Have you ever looked at your precious child and wonder what has taken over their body? Do they ever misbehave to the point that you wonder where you went wrong as a parent? Know that you are not alone. Attitude problems are a common issue when raising preschoolers. This month we hope to help you find some ways to deal with those attitudes!
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/126916779/ed61152c82
Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor
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Parents,
Our last email introduced some ideas on what we can do to deal with attitude problems our kids may have. Bottom line: it’s hard to deal with and can be extremely frustrating. It is easy to become angry and fed up with that behavior. James 1:19 says, “This you know, my beloved brethren. Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” Sometimes it is easier said than done. We must keep our temper in check when dealing with our children. You cannot take back words or actions that were said out of anger. If we’re honest, we know that we could handle any parenting moment much better from a state of calm. But in the storm of our anger, we feel righteously entitled to our fury. How can this kid be so irresponsible, inconsiderate, ungrateful? Your child may be pushing your buttons, but he isn’t causing your response.
Children sometimes will act out to get a reaction from parents. Lacking enough positive interaction, a child will develop negative tactics to re-engage the adults. Being scolded, nagged, reminded, and punished is far better than being ignored. Few parents set out to deprive their children of enough parental contact, but many parents are over-scheduled, working too hard, or in distress themselves. Even though they’re doing the best they can, parents who are overwhelmed by the job may inadvertently create a situation where the kids have no choice but to misbehave to ensure a connection. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourself before the Lord and He will exalt you.”
Tantrums also spring from your child’s growing desire for independence. Despite your toddler’s rapidly developing abilities, they no doubt still want to do much more than they can handle physically and mentally. This frustrating incompetence will drive your child over the edge. When their frustration reaches a certain level, it explodes as a tantrum.
Though it hardly seems like it much of the time, your toddler is actually trying to control themselves. And despite all the turbulence, your child will become increasingly self-aware throughout this year. By their third birthday, this self-awareness will probably awaken a previously unseen ability in your toddler: awareness of and identification with the feelings of others. So in the end, your child’s sometimes painful journey toward self-awareness will give birth to a degree of empathy.
Avoid any positive reinforcement of a meltdown. Don’t offer candy or a cookie if they will stop and don’t give them what they want. It’s best to give temper tantrums as little attention as possible. If you’re at home, you may try saying, “When you’re done, we’ll move on,” and let the tantrum take its course. If you’re in public, put yourself in a situation where you have time for the tantrum to play out. If you can leave a store, leave, and return after the tantrum has ceased.
Give your child the power of choice to help her determine the outcome. Try saying, “It looks like you’re having a hard time being calm, do you need to sit down for a while or do you need some help?” Or leave a situation and say: “When you’re calm you can come back.” When you provide choice you empower your child. This not only helps end the current tantrum, but it can help prevent future tantrums from occurring.
Growing up is tough, so is parenting. By working together, we can navigate the tempers and attitudes and reach a peaceful conclusion.
Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor
Video Script
Like you, I am the parent of a preschooler and like you, I have experienced the frustration of a preschooler’s attitude. I once heard a friend say, “Whoever named it the terrible twos, never had a three year old!” Turning four brings a whole new set of issues. Let’s face it, preschoolers can have major attitude. So what are some ways that we can deal with our child when those moments happen? This month’s parenting class is all about attitude.
Nothing pushes a parent’s buttons more than being on the receiving end of back talk from their own child. But get into a major power struggle and you’ll just stress out more — yelling isn’t going to win you respect. Simply ignoring your kid’s attitude problem won’t make it disappear either. The biggest mistake we make is assuming rude behavior is a phase that will go away on its own. Your sweet baby is now an opinionated two or three year old. Suddenly bossiness and yelling are very common. You may have a snappy comeback yourself, but stop and take a moment. That smart comment may make you feel better, but don’t place yourself in a situation where you are arguing with your two year old. You are the adult and we need to remember to act like it. Don’t allow your frustration to force you to lose your temper with your child. Make it a teaching moment and let your child know how and what they should have said. Then give them the opportunity to make it right. Help them focus and understand what you expect from them.
Sometimes, kids are just seeking a reaction from you. The truth is that bad behavior often results in them receiving more attention from you than good behavior does. Make sure that you praise and acknowledge the good times as well as the bad. When they do talk back, don’t take the bait, but don’t ignore them either. Establish a statement to use in these situations. Something like: “That is not how we talk to each other. Let’s try again.”
Although preschoolers often want to be helpful, they also like to assert their independence at times. It’s common for them to say, “No!” when you tell them to do something. They often like to find out what happens when they break the rules or act defiantly.Establish a list of household rules and make the negative consequences for breaking those rules clear. Be consistent in your discipline, because preschoolers will likely to try to get away with misbehavior as long as they think there’s a small chance they won’t get in trouble.Use positive reinforcement to encourage compliance. Praise and reward systems can increase the likelihood that your preschooler will follow directions.
Most preschoolers have gained some mastery over temper tantrums but still haven’t gained enough impulse control to prevent the occasional aggressive behavior. Hitting, kicking, and occasional biting can still be a problem. Respond to aggressive behavior with consistent discipline. Time outs can teach children how to calm themselves down. Taking away privileges can also be an effective consequence for aggression. Teach your child problem solving skills so they can resolve conflict peacefully. Also teach your child about feelings so they can express her emotions with words, instead of by acting out how they feels. Aggressive behavior should subside as your child masters those skills. Be on the lookout for our next email. We will give you some examples and some how-to’s that should help you deal with all that attitude.
Weekly tweets from you to parents:
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet One: Don’t argue with your preschooler. You are the adult, act like it. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Two: James 1:19 “This you know my beloved brethren. Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger”. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Three: The biggest mistake we make is assuming rude behavior is a phase that will go away on its own. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Four: Don’t allow your frustration to force you to lose your temper with your child. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Five: When your children talk back, don’t take the bait, but don’t ignore the behavior either. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Six: Preschoolers often like to find out what happens when they break the rules or act defiantly. Have a plan for when they do. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Seven: Be a model. Show your children what they should do.#urchurchparentministry
Tweet Eight: Teach your child problem solving skills so they can resolve conflict peacefully. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Nine: Don’t use bribes to stop bad behavior. Instead teach your child how to deal with their emotions. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet Ten: When you give your child choices, you empower them to make decisions. #urchurchparentministry