Parenting Yourself
Email 1
Copy/Paste the following email:
Subject Line: Parenting Yourself, Part One
Hi there!
This month’s parenting video features a unique topic: Parenting Yourself so that you can be a better parent to your kids. Does it seem a little strange to receive information on how to parent yourself? The truth is, we never stop learning and growing, and sometimes parents need to be “parented” a little—especially because no parent was parented perfectly themselves.
Above all, it’s important to know that though you might sometimes fail as a parent, you have the perfect Father in heaven who has always been good to you. He loves you and fights for you, and has good plans for you. Consider just a few Scriptures that speak to this indescribable love:
A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
— Psalm 68:5-6)
O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hands.
— Isaiah 64:8
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
— Matthew 6:26
If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
— Matthew 7:11
In these four verses we learn some profound aspects of God the Father’s love. He defends those who are defenseless. If you came from a family where you were fatherless, God is not unaware. He is your Father, and He will defend you. God is also the potter, the One who is intimately aware of your life, your family, your struggles, and your joys. He is creating something beautiful in you and will use you for a profound purpose. God the Father is your provider. He cares for the birds—and how much more valuable are you than a bird! And finally, when you approach Him with your needs—for parenting, for provision, for protection—He will answer.
What is the lesson from these verses? Before you worry about how to parent your kids, seek the Father and allow Him to be your parent, your loving Father who provides, protects, plans, and gives generously. When you know God in this way, you will be better able to parent your child in a godly way that reflects the Father.
We sure hope this Online Parenting class has been helpful and thought provoking (Heb. 4:16). In the next email, I’ll offer some practical suggestions for how to “parent yourself.” I’m here to help you, too! Don’t hesitate to email!
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/224799648/2d053d7a41
Your partner in parenting,
Children’s Pastor
Email 2
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Subject Line: Parenting Yourself, Part 2
Hi there!
We’ve been talking in this month’s Online Parenting Class about Parenting Yourself so you can be a better parent to your child.
Bryant McGill wrote in his book Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life, “Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others.” What a powerful statement!
Commit to taking care of yourself, so you can be the happy, patient, encouraging parent your child deserves. That means integrating daily self-nurturing into your life. The following are just a few ideas of how to do this:
• Go to bed earlier so you’re better rested. This is probably one of the hardest things to be disciplined about, especially when you have young children. However, research has shown the direct connection between sleep and good health—not to mention, the ability to think clearly and calmly.
• Eat healthy to maintain your mood. Like sleep, the food you choose to eat can either help your moods, attitudes, and energy level, or deplete them.
• Commit to managing yourself. When your emotions are dysregulated, you’re in fight or flight mode, and your child looks like the enemy. Calm yourself before you engage with your child.
• Slow down your pace. Say “no thanks” when you are asked to take on one more commitment when you are already overwhelmed (and leave guilt at the door). If you need to slow down, listen to yourself and your body and pull away from the chaos.
• Take a time out. There will be days when you just feel down, angry, overwhelmed, even anxious. It’s okay to go to your room, close the door, lay on the bed, and take a personal time out. Just like our kids sometimes need to be removed from a situation to settle down, so do we.
Hopefully, this Online Parenting Class has equipped you with a few tips for how to parent yourself so you can be a better parent to your child. We understand how difficult parenting is and are ready with resources and advice when you need it. We are praying for you!
Praying for you and your child,
Children’s Pastor
Video Script
Parenting Yourself
I was at the library when my son was around 2. We were at a train table and my son walked over to another boy, grabbed his train and wacked him over the head with it. The other boy’s mother looked at me incredulously. I felt immediate shame, as I perceived judgment from the other parents. I shouted at my son, smacked his hand and picked him up quickly as we headed out of the library and back to the car. All of this occurred in a matter of 3 short minutes. As I strapped my son in the car, I felt a sense of guilt wash over me. I over reacted. Feelings of shame overtook my sense of self, and my ability to process the situation. I acted impulsively in anger. Truth be told, my anger was more about being perceived as a bad parent, than it was about my child’s behavior. This reaction can happen at any age, and it can especially rear itself when our children are in the teenage years.
We can fight impulsive over reactive parenting by first learning to parent ourselves. What do I mean by “Parent Yourself?” Have you ever flown on an airline where the flight attendant tells you before take off, that in case of an emergency; you should put the oxygen mask on yourself before you place one on your child? Why? Because if you are not breathing, you will not be able to help them breathe. We are fallen human beings and live in a fallen world, we were not parented perfectly. Most of us had parents who did some things well and some things “Not So Well.” We have an opportunity to study the things we want to do differently now that we are parents. We can also go back to those childhood experiences that may have scared us and ask the Lord to heal those places. Whether you acknowledge them or not, those broken memories in childhood of painful experiences, can come out while you are parenting. They do this as my counselor says by “coming out sideways.” This means we don’t actually know this is happening, we just find ourselves angry and out of control sometimes when dealing with the discipline of our children in certain situations. Sometimes our anger and fear is misplaced and not actually about the scenario at hand.
If you find yourself feeling angry and overreacting at times while parenting, these are normal behaviors. However, if you choose to, you can seek some emotional health for yourself that will impact your child. We don’t want our children growing up with the same sense of shame that we may have experienced as a child. Practice some self care today. If you are not already, seek counsel and education for the broken areas that may be fueling your anger and lack of self-control, your anxiety or your depression.
We will not parent perfectly. That is not our goal. Our goal is to parent ourselves in order to better parent our children. Do you have an inner child that needs a little attention? Seek to nurture your own pain so that you may better nurture your child’s pain. When we accept God’s grace for ourselves we better offer it to those around us. Scripture says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This assumes we will love and care for ourselves not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. This will not only make you a better parent, but also make you more whole as a person. In doing this, you teach your child that they are important; because you have modeled that YOU are important. Christ desires us to know who we are in Him. Once we do that, we can disciple our Children to do that as well.
Texts/Tweets
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet One: Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others. — Bryant McGill #takecareofyourself #parentbetter
Tweet Two: Integrate daily self-nurturing into your life. #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane
Tweet Three: Parents sometimes need a time-out for their mental, spiritual, and physical health. #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane
Tweet Four: O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hands. — Is. 64:8 #takecareofyourself
Tweet Five: Sometimes parents need to be “parented” a little. #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane
Tweet Six: Look at the birds of the air…. Are you not much more valuable than they? — Matt. 6:26
Tweet Seven: Commit to taking care of yourself so you can be the happy, patient, encouraging parent your child deserves. #takecareofyourself
Tweet Eight: Slow down your pace; it will benefit you and others. #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane
Tweet Nine: There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So be a real one. — Sue Atkins #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane
Tweet Ten: It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. — Joyce Maynard #takecareofyourself #parentbetter #staysane