No Perfect Parent
Email 1
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Subject Line: No Perfect Parent, Part One
We meet again!
This monthâs video, “No Perfect Parent,” discusses how there is no parent who is perfectâand that perfection is not the goal in parenting. According to Karl Pillemer, Ph.D., in parenting, sometimes âthe perfect can get in the way of the good.â
Pillemer writes, âMost parents hold themselves up to some kind of perfect standard when they evaluate their parenting. âIf only,â they say, âI had encouraged Johnny more with music, he would have used his talents.â âIf only I had provided more opportunities for Mary to play with other children, she wouldnât be so shy.â”
Of course many of the âif onlysâ work two ways: âIf only I had pushed Jane harder with her studies, she would have done better in schoolâ can ring just as true as âIf only I hadnât pushed Jane so hard, she would have done better in school.â
However, no one has perfect children, and no one can raise perfect children. This goes against one of the basics of Scripture: âAll have sinned and fall short of the glory of Godâ (Romans 3:23). This includes both you and your childâwe all fall short of Godâs perfection.
You arenât a perfect parent, and God doesnât expect you to be. Only He is perfect.
However, He does expect us to acknowledge areas where we have sinnedâperhaps mistakes you have made since becoming a parentâand seek His forgiveness. But then, embrace His grace. The Bible says, âThe steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulnessâ (Lamentations 3:22â23). Tomorrow is a new day, and you can step out in confidence and faith that God will be right with you as you seek to become a better, good, and more godly parentâbut not a perfect parent.
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/224799349/4a6ceb9654
Here on the journey with you,
Children’s Pastor
Email 2
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Subject Line: No Perfect Parent, Part 2
Hello again!
What is your definition of a perfect parent? A parent who knows exactly the right way to raise a confident, responsible child who excels in school, is an amazing friend, loves Jesus, is kind and compassionate, and never argues? If this kind of parent exists, Iâd sure like to meet him or her.
The reality is, there is no perfect parent. The video this month discussed how there is No Perfect Parentâonly our perfect heavenly Father. And yet, God in His sovereignty and perfection has ordained you to be the mom or dad to your child. He has entrusted you with this task, and it was not by accident. The Bible says, âThose who have been given a trust must prove faithful,â (1 Corinthians 4:2). God only asks us to be faithful in parenting, not perfect.
The following are some points of encouragement as you strive to parent your child:
Mistakes are okay and expected. As a parent, recognize that it is normal to feel worried, confused, angry, guilty, overwhelmed, and inadequate because of your child’s behavior or choices. That is part of being a parent. Recall your childhood. Perhaps you made some poor choices or were difficult to parent, too. Keep in mind, your parents were not perfect either . . . And here you are!
Donât live for your children. Living solely for your children puts you in a sticky situation and is setting you up for future disappointment or frustration. No one can receive all their fulfillment from any human being, much less a child. Find other activities that bring joy and fulfillment outside of your role as mom or dad.
Professional help is wise when necessary. Some kids are simply more difficult to raise than others, and it has nothing to do with the parent. If problems become too intense, rather than trying to fix everything yourself, seek outside help.
Depend on the Lord to be your childâs ultimate parent. Isaiah 64:8 says, âBut now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your handâ (ESV). God created your child exactly the way He intended. When you feel you are at a loss for how to parent, talk to God about it and remember: He is not unaware of your struggles, and He is your childâs perfect parent.
Letâs re-define what perfect parenting means, and instead call it âfaithful parenting.â Follow Godâs instruction in His Word, pray, and then release your child to Him. I know this is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it will truly free you of some of the weight of trying to do everything right.
I have many resources available. Donât hesitate to email me if you have more questions or need help. Iâm here as a support!
Press on,
Children’s Pastor
Video Script
No Perfect Parent
I donât have to tell you that Parenting is a humbling experience. Humbling. Sometimes I am overwhelmed at the amount of help out there and I feel like Iâm going to drown in the information. I canât possibly do it all. Remember it all. Teach it all. Itâs when I experience these feelings that I can be the most honest and admit that I am not perfect, and my children will not be perfect either. This is not a hopeless statement. It is not one where I give up, but an empowering truth that reminds me, Perfection is not my goal.
As parents we need to give ourselves permission to fail. Even after we watch all the parenting videos and we read all the books and we go to all the therapy. At the end of the day, we are human. We are sinful. We will fail. Sometimes it will be out of rebellion. We know what we should do but we just donât want to do it. Sometimes it will be unintentional. We thought we knew what was the right thing to do, and it turned out to bring more damage than good.
I have a friend who was very strict with her daughter as a child and teenager. Her daughterâs music, clothes, school and friends were controlled but her daughter rebelled anyway. My friends heart was to do right, she wanted desperately to protect her daughter, but instead she unintentionally fostered an environment where her child sought freedom over protection.
It is in these moments that we need to be aware of our own need for Grace. There is no perfect parent besides our Heavenly Father. He does not wish us to strive for perfect parenting. If our goal is to be the perfect parent then we completely loose sight of the need for intimate relationship with our child. We donât want to communicate to them that they are not valuable unless they are perfect. So we as well need to remember that even when WE fail, we are valuable and needed in our childrenâs lives.
One-way we can sometimes succumb to the idea of a âperfect parentâ is to focus too much attention to what âthe other guy is doing.â Comparison steals joy and lies to us about the reality of the situation. If you find yourself comparing your child to other children or comparing yourself to other parents, have the courage to voice that to someone, and ask the Lord to remind you of the truth. There is no one who can parent your child better than you. God has given you this job and no one else. You are fully capable with His help to do this job. It will not be easy much of the time, but it will be rewarding.
In many of our workplaces we experience the joy of seeing the fruit of our labor. My husband and I have a side business painting houses. At the end of the day, the room is a different color, and I can see that my hard work has paid off. This is not true as much about parenting. The results of your tenacity to fight for your childâs emotional and spiritual well-being may not come for years. This is sacrificial work. I am telling you it will be worth it and that Jesus sees You. You are not alone in this. Parenting can sometimes feel lonely. The time you are taking to educate yourself and allow others to encourage you, will produce much fruit. The humility you express to your ministry leaders when you voice your insecurities will empower you in the future. This takes courage. This is Soul work. This is God work, and you are not alone. He is with you and you do not need to be perfect, you only need the one who was perfect in your place. Remember that Christ died for our mistakes and also redeemed us. There is no parenting mistake that cannot be redeemed by Him. God Bless. You are loved.
Texts/Tweets
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet One: You arenât perfect, and God doesnât expect you to be. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Two: The perfect can get in the way of the good. â Karl Pillemer, Ph.D. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Three: No one has perfect children and no one can raise perfect children. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Four: Fight against the âif onlysâ in parenting. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Five: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end. â Lam 3:22â23 #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Six: There is no recipe for perfect parenting. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Seven: Those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. â 1 Corinthians 4:2 #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Eight: Donât strive to be a perfect parent, but a faithful parent. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned
Tweet Nine: God is sovereign over your child, not you. #noperfectparenting #myth #allhavesinned