Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments
Email 1
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Subject Line: Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments, Part One
Hi there!
This month’s Online Parenting Class has been focused on handling frustration, anger, and arguments in the home. John 16:33 says, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Tribulation is great trouble or suffering. Though you will have days as a parent when you will feel like indeed you are experiencing great trouble and suffering resulting from your child’s intense moods, Jesus said “take heart” for He has overcome the world. He has overcome the tension in your home! However, you may have to muddle through those difficult times as you raise your child hand in hand with God!
Frustration and anger are common emotions. Parents can help their child learn to manage feelings of frustration that bubble up into burst of anger by trying to master a few tips themselves:
• Let your child know you are on his side. Stress that you love him no matter what. “I don’t love your behavior right now, but I love you.”
• Give your child words to express their anger: “I know you are disappointed (or sad, or frustrated).”
• Acknowledge challenges your child may be experiencing.
• Redirect anger by offering other outlets to express it like jumping on a trampoline or painting.
• Teach persistence. When your child is struggling with something, whether it’s homework, chores, or getting along with a sibling, help him develop strategies for success.
• Nurture “cooling” buttons. Figure out what words or phrases “cool” your child’s frustration or anger, and revert to those first when things heat up rather than bursting out in an angry response yourself. If your child responds to compassion, “I understand how frustrating this is, Joe . . .” or humor, “Yes, this pile of toys looks like that mountain we hiked last week!” go there first.
Most importantly, listen, listen, listen. As parents, we tend to want to speak and fix, rather than hear what is going on in a child’s heart that is making them frustrated. Consider James’ words: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19). Consider memorizing this verse with your child—and having a conversation where both of you will commit to trying to be better listeners.
Help your child to connect this verse when things heat up. The best way to do this is by modeling it yourself. Listen intently, and respond with affirmation.
Dealing with frustration and arguments in the home is not easy, but there is hope! Please don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions or concerns as you are working through these Online Parenting Classes.
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200409720/74663a1bf1
Serving you and your family,
Children’s Pastor
Email 2
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Subject Line: Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments, Part 2
Glad you are back!!
This month we have been discussing how to handle frustration, anger, and arguments in the home. We’ve talked about how this is a topic in the Bible—God is not unaware that people will grow frustrated and angry, and this does not exclude kids.
The best thing a parent can do to help their child deal with frustration is assist them in storing up God’s Word in their hearts which will lead to heart change—and thus behavior change. But what do you do when your child is yelling, slamming doors, or having a complete temper tantrum? In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to know what to do. Simply reminding them of Scripture probably won’t work!
Children must find their own path for dealing with frustration, and as parents, it’s our critical responsibility to help them along the way. Bob Bowen, a national anger management trainer, says that how a parent responds to his child’s anger is how the parent teaches. “When a child sees a parent managing his own frustration and anger, he will learn by example,” Bowen said.
Parents, strive to handle your own emotions first. Your child is watching how you respond to his or her frustration and anger and will pick up cues. Ask God to fill you, the parent, with His love because 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “[Love] is not easily angered.” Love concentrates on the other person—in this case, the child. Though you may be frustrated yourself at the behavior, take a step back and choose to love your child enough to figure out what will help “cool them off” the best.
I am excited for what you have ahead with your child. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” God is walking with you, and will give you peace in the storms when your mind is fixed on Him.
I am walking with you too!
Children’s Pastor
Video Script
Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments
You know, mirrors serve a purpose. We have mirrors all around our house, and we kind of need those sometimes to make sure we’re looking good, you know what I mean? If you think about a mirror, it actually has another purpose for us today, because I want to use that as an analogy to give you a quick parenting tip that maybe, just maybe might help stop some of the yelling in your home. That’s something we all want, right?
Well, if you think of a mirror, maybe if you could think of your child as a mirror. Many times when we have conversations or conflicts with our kids, they mirror the way we are talking to them in our tone. If we’re yelling or not yelling. If we’re frustrated or not frustrated. Our moods. Our non-verbal communication. All of those things sometimes, a lot of kids, different personalities I know, but some of them really mirror and reflect us.
One way that we can cut down on the problems and frustrations and arguments in our home is by making sure that we set the tone in our communication. That we are as gentle as we possibly can. Sometimes it’s easier than others. That we use as little emotion as possible in our communication, so that we can keep everything calm and stay focused on really the issues that we’re trying to discuss. Not all the emotions swirling around those issues. If we come with that kind of tone and with that kind of conversation, a lot of times our kids will follow us and reflect our lead. Think about that the next time you’re having a conversation with your kid. You be a mirror and give them a great example of how to communicate and see if that doesn’t help.
Texts/Tweets
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet One: Always be quick to listen. James 1:9. #calmthestorm
Tweet Two: “Cooling” buttons bring the heat down. #calmthestorm
Tweet Three: Respond calmly to a child’s frustration; they are watching. #calmthestorm
Tweet Four: Handle your own emotions first—then your child’s. #calmthestorm
Tweet Five: Children who learn to handle emotions well will handle them better as adults. #calmthestorm
Tweet Six: Stay calm; your children are watching. #calmthestorm
Tweet Seven: Love is not easily angered. 1 Corinthians 13:5. #calmthestorm
Tweet Eight: How a parent responds to his child’s anger is how the parent teaches. #calmthestorm
Tweet Nine: Teach your kids how to deal with frustration by example. #calmthestorm
Tweet Ten: You are not alone in the storms in your home; God is with you. #calmthestorm