The Importance of a Childhood Inventory
Email 1
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Subject Line: The Importance of a Childhood Inventory, Part One
We meet again!
This month’s video focuses on a unique topic, and perhaps even a little bit painful for some, called a “childhood inventory.” However, it’s a good exercise, and may be one of the most healing things you can do for yourself that will spill over into how you parent your children.
The most significant thing to remember as a parent is that it is okay to make mistakes—in fact, every parent in the world has this in common! Be careful not to hold yourself to a standard of perfection that no parent can ever attain. However, when you do slip, take the necessary steps to avoid repeating those mistakes again.
Also, make sure to let yourself heal if you have a painful past. It might be hard, and it may involve seeking out a therapist who can work with you through your past. However, doing so is vital to raising emotionally stable children. Addressing any trauma you had as a child can make all the difference in how you parent today.
Seek out advice from trusted friends, family members or a family doctor. Even a guidance counselor at your kids’ school is an excellent resource.
Your childhood has shaped you more than you may know. Likewise, how you parent will mold your child. But be encouraged! It’s absolutely possible to break from the past and begin the cycle of loving, godly parenting—despite your personal childhood experiences. You might need a little assistance getting there, and this is where I want to be of help. Don’t be afraid to reach out!
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/175380700/cf70b53b50
With your family in mind,
Children’s Pastor
Email 2
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Subject Line: The Importance of a Childhood Inventory, Part 2
So glad you are back!
If you didn’t have the best childhood yourself, that does not mean you are not well equipped or capable of being a fantastic parent! In fact, you have a beautiful opportunity to be a better parent. If you had a good (or even great) upbringing, you too can consider what you might do better or different than your parents. Ultimately, the goal should be to raise your children how God instructs you.
Here are just a few tips to encourage you toward wise and loving parenting, regardless of the kind of home you grew up in:
1. Strive for patience. One of God’s qualities is He is perfectly patient with us! 2 Peter 2:9 says, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you.” That might not always be easy when parenting, but it’s something you can ask God to help you with daily. He says to present all things to Him in Philippians 4:6—even our need for help in being patient with children.
2. Remember the power of words. Words have the potential to breathe life into a person or death, according to Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” As you work with God on being patient in all things, think twice before you speak and ask yourself, “Will the words I’m about to speak build my child up? Or will my words tear them down?”
3. Avoid arguing with your spouse in front of your kids. This might be one of the hardest things of all to work on! Children watch everything, including how you react to your spouse. However, Paul says in 2 Timothy 2:23–23 that we are to “have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone.” Guard your tongue and your anger when facing a disagreement with your spouse; it’s okay to disagree, but make sure to save the discussion for a time when your children aren’t around.
4. Respond positively to your children—even when they say something with which you don’t agree. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.” Do you disagree with everything your child says, or try to correct their opinions? This may lead to exasperating or angering your child. Instead, affirm their feelings and opinions, even if you don’t agree or understand.
My prayer for you is that you do not feel alone in your parenting. I’m available if you have questions or need support as you continue on this journey of parenting—a high calling from God!
Together in Him,
Children’s Pastor
Video Script
The Importance of a Childhood Inventory
You know, it is really hard sometimes to understand where you are going unless you can think through where you have been. I know that was a deep statement, but you need to be able to unpack that as a parent. Because I promise you this, as you are going to help your child spiritually and lead them spiritually and just really, to just be honest, to lead through life itself, sometimes you are going to find difficulty in this whole parenting journey.
I want to give you some hope today that maybe, just maybe, underneath that difficulty it might be connecting back to your past. You see all of us have a past, and we were raised by somebody. I mean, unless you are like the dude in the Jungle Book and you were raised in the jungle, somebody raised you. It may have been a parent, it may have been a grandparent, a step-parent, an uncle, an aunt, an adopted parent, a foster parent, somebody was a parental figure in your life growing up. The fact is, the just pure truth is, they left a mark on your life.
Now that mark might be something that has propelled you into life successfully, or that mark might be a scar of a painful thing that they did to you. All of us have our own stories of how we were brought up, and the reality is, the truth for most of us, that we have good and bad from those experiences. That is what is important today.
I want to encourage you to do something that I am calling a childhood inventory. I want you to take a sheet of paper and just simply write at the top good and bad. Write a line down the middle, and just take maybe five minutes today, just as an easy little exercise, and think to yourself what are the things that I got growing up that are good. On the other side, I want you to write what are the things that I got growing up that were bad. Then when you fill that out and take the time to do it, you are going to begin to start to take that childhood inventory and you are going to see possibly why you are struggling in your own parenting journey. Because the reality is you can’t give what you weren’t given.
When you go to that bad column, these are deposits, withdrawals that the parental figure in your life made in your life. You need to find someone or someway and pray really to God and ask him please, God, these are voids in my life that I didn’t get growing up, and in order for me to give this to my child I need to go get help. I need a good book, or I need a good counselor, or I need something in my life, true scripture, a word from you, whatever it is, I need this to fill this hole in my life so that I am ready as a parent to give this to my kids.
One of my favorite stories about this is when I talked to a father about giving his son a blessing, a spiritual blessing. There is a lot of neat things to learn about spiritual blessings. But as I began to teach him what giving the blessing is, he began to be in tears and he said well, I can’t do that because I have never experienced it, and I don’t want to give a blessing to my son when I have never gotten a blessing myself. He threw his own little blessing party, and he asked people who were significant in his life to come and give him a spiritual blessing. Once that was done, he then went and blessed his son. I think that is so powerful because he understood an important concept.
This childhood inventory is going to help you discover the places where you need to go seek help and get encouragement so that you can then turn and give that encouragement to your child.
Texts/Tweets
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet One: Affirm your kids opinions and feelings. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Two: Let God lead your parenting. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Three: Difficult pasts often impact the type of parent you are. Don’t be afraid to deal with them. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Four: Guard your words; they are powerful instruments. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Five: Love God, and love your kids. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Six: You won’t always agree with your kids; love them anyway. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Seven: Speak life into your kids! #parentinggodsway
Tweet Eight: Don’t be afraid of dealing with your past to parent better in the future. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Nine: If necessary, seek help from others to heal. #parentinggodsway
Tweet Ten: Don’t exasperate your children—build them up! #parentinggodsway
