Character | Ministry to Parents Kids

The Selfish Child: How do I handle my child wanting more?

Overview:

1. Email 1
2. Email 2
3. Video Scripts
4. Parent tweets

Email 1
Subject line: Part 1 of parenting class-The Selfish ChildCopy/Paste the following email:Parents,Hopefully you are past the days of your child throwing a tantrum in the floor when you tell them you absolutely will not buy them their 50th Barbie or Ninjago Character. There’s a phrase that surrounds kids like this-spoiled brat. No parent wants a spoiled child, so why is it so hard to say NO, when we know NO is the best answer?Check out this incredible video that gives us an idea as parents how to de-spoil our children.https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/81049959/9cfba15ca0So what about you? As you think through setting limits, being consistent and providing choices, which of these is most important for you right now? Is there one you struggle with more than the other?

Take some time to develop a plan for one of these areas and then practice being consistent with it!

As always, we welcome your feedback and prayer requests, so feel free to contact me with those at your contact info.

Thanks,

Children’s Minister

Email 2
Subject line: Part 2 of Parenting Class-The Selfish ChildCopy/Paste the following emailParents,As you read the first email and watched the video about selfishness, I’m sure you found yourself saying, “YEP, my child can definitely be selfish!” Here’s the reality-WE ALL ARE! Each of us looks for ways to get what we want out of life. Yeah, we say it’s not about us, but, in reality, most of us live like it is!The Israelites thousands of years ago did this same thing after being freed from slavery. They found themselves in the desert asking for more; more food, more water, more leadership.Here’s the problem the Israelites found themselves in, and one we need to take heed of when it comes to parenting: The Israelites did NOT keep the end in mind! God was delivering them to the promised land for goodness sake, but all they could focus on was not having what they wanted in the present.Sound familiar! Our kids can’t focus on the end because developmentally they can’t think that far ahead. But WE can. As parents we can keep the end in mind and make choices accordingly! Do we want our children to grow up to be selfless or selfish, generous or greedy? When we parent with the end in mind it helps us make better decisions in the moment.

Ultimately, we want our children to be completely satisfied in Jesus. Hebrews 13:5:
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

So, when your kiddo asks for that next thing, whatever it may be big or small, let’s ask this question to them:
“Does this thing I desire help me become the person God has created me to be?”
This question helps us to keep the end in mind. And isn’t that the end goal, to help our children become the person God has created them to be?

Thanks,

Children’s Minister

Video Script

Topic: What do I do when my child always wants more?

Thanks parents for joining us with this month’s online parenting class here at ParentMinistry.Net for Kids! This month we are asking a question that I bet all of us have had to ask at sometime. What do I do when my child always wants more? What do I do when it seems to never be enough and the demands get bigger and bigger? At the same time how do we avoid turning into those “when I was a kid” speech kind of parents and help our kids discover the profound but hard truth that they will not always be able to get what they want!

I remember when Kozbi my oldest daughter discovered that magical place in WalMart called the toy section. In her little three year old mind those few isles held all the treasures that could bring her joy and happiness. As soon as we walked into the store she wanted to know if we could go “look” at the toys. I was a slow learner so the first few times I gave in and “looking” turned into “I want this daddy” and my no brought tears of sadness and tantrums of despair. Kozbi did not really enjoy learning that her dad was not daddy warbucks with millions in the bank. I had to tell her no. Kozbi is not a preschooler anymore rather a 5th grader and still there are many days she does not like hearing no from her mom and dad.

Our parents called kids who always wanted more by a term we are pretty familiar with. They called these kids spoiled. Problem is that every generation tries to make life better for their kids than what they had it. For our generation spoiled is the new normal because even as parents we always seem to fighting for next new toy. New car, new house, new dress, new job, new vacation…you name it we go after it and our kids have caught on to our obsession. That may not be you but I can promise you that your kids are seeing other kids become addicted to the obsession of more. Kids watch those commercials and believe just like we did with the Sears Catalog that if we could just have that new toy their lives would be perfect.

If your child is stuck always wanting more your temptation will be to just ignore it. You might try to believe that this will go away with age but truth is that an addiction to more really never goes away. Studies show that kids that display tendencies of being spoiled don’t function well in the real world, don’t understand the value of money, don’t see the value of hard work, and struggle with teamwork.

We all want our kids to be people that understand the world does not revolve around them and have a passion to help others in this life. In the Bible God calls his people over and over to slow down, look around, and be thankful. Psalm 138:1 says…

I give you thanks, O Lord , with all my heart; I will sing your praises…
God understood that all of us need to embrace a thankful and not selfish heart in this life. Helping our kids not be addicted to more helps them see value in what they have good in their life.

So where to begin! Here are the big 3 for de-spoiling your child

Set limits: ids function better and have a better chance of understanding the importance of being thankful when they have limits. When something is limited we value it more. Chocolate cake is great but eating a whole cake will be disaster. Setting limits for kids shapes their perspective of life. You are the parent so help them have healthy limits with not just food but stuff and fun also. It’s ok to say no.
Be consistent: consistency is the key to building trust with your children. Choose what matters to you and be consistent with your kids. Being consistent allows kids to know they can trust you. They actually get to know what you think is important. They will in time value what you value if you are consistent.
Provide choices: when you give kids choices you begin to teach them an important life lesson. They will spend the rest of their days on earth making choices. The Rolling Stones were right, you can’t always get what you want! Give them the shot to make choices. We want to teach our kids to choose more of the right things.

Thanks for watching today. In our next Online parenting class email we will help you discover some other practical steps to help your kids break free of their “want-more” addiction!

Weekly tweets from you to the parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.
TWEET #1-One of the biggest ways to combat selfishness is serving-find a place to serve as a family #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Help kids see the needs of others, point out differences, and similarities-God loves us all! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Yep, they learn it in school, but let’s make sure we’re implementing at home, what’s a need/what’s a want #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4- Be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Heb.13:5 #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Gratefulness suffocates selfishness. Spend some time telling God thank you! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Remember to big 3 to DE-spoil your child 1.Set limits 2.Be consistent 3.Provide choices #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Being content is a godly attitude. It’s being sure that God knows your needs and is faithful to you. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-God, help us when we’re tempted to grumble, to get our eyes off what we don’t have to see all we do have #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-Thankfulness is essential in our relationship with God, ask your child what he/she is thankful for #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Paul from prison-I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances/we can be too #urchurchparentministry