Author Archives: Jeremy Lee

Helping Parents Create Spiritual Milestones

Our coaching director, Jeremy Lee, recently led a training that taught the importance of helping parents create spiritual milestones. This session took place during the quarantine of COVID-19, so Jeremy also gave some tips on how parents can lead spiritually through that as well.

More about Jeremy Lee:

Jeremy Lee is the founder of Ministry to Parents, co-author of Pass It On, and has more than twenty-four years of ministry experience. He is passionate about helping ministers create strategic plans for connecting with the parents in their church. He lives outside Nashville, Tn with his wife Elisabeth and two sons. You can contact Jeremy at www.ministrytoparents.com.

Take Your Parent Ministry To The Next Level!

This is easily one of our most popular coaching sessions where our coaching director, Jeremy Lee, gives practical and transferable tips that you can do right away to improve your Ministry to Parents.

Here are just some of the things you’ll learn in this session:

* Ideas on how to help Parents Unleash their Blessing

* Why your Pastor Doesn’t Support Your Parent Ministry

* How to Connect with the Parking Lot Parent

* How to spend Less $$ and make More Impact at your Next Event

We hope you enjoy this session that is full of helpful tips for church leaders:

More about Jeremy Lee:

Difficult Parents: How To Support Parents Who Don’t Support You

Not all parents love and support their church leaders. Sometimes there can be frustration, anger, bitterness, and a lack of trust between parents and their youth minister. So how do we support parents when they don’t want to support us?

This session from our coaching director, Jeremy Lee, is full of practical tips and advice to help you navigate this issue:

The resources offered in this webinar are included in the Ministry Toolbox or you can just grab them here.

More about Jeremy Lee:

How To Give Parents Advice On Fortnite

You would think that this coaching session would be just about Fortnite, but it’s really about how to address controversial subjects with parents.

Long after the popularity of Fortnite fades, the problem of talking about polarizing subjects with parents will still be an issue. You can replace fortnite with curfews, whether teens should date, screen time, or whatever current hot topic is trending. At some point we need to address these issues. How do we handle it?

That’s what this coaching session covers from our coaching director, Jeremy Lee.

This session is an exclusive replay of a webinar, and the free resources mentioned in the webinar can be found in the minister toolbox or you can just go here.

More about Jeremy Lee:

Inside The Teenage Brain (w/ Mark Oestreicher)

Do you ever wonder just what’s going on inside a teenager’s brain? Well, we invited one of the smartest guys in youth ministry to help us understand the mind of a teenager. Mark Oestreicher aka “Marko” founded the Youth Cartel and has authored or contributed to more than 60 books.

His session on mental adolescent development will not only encourage church leaders but parents as well.

More About Mark:

Mark Oestreicher has been involved in church ministry his whole life, particularly with teenagers and youth workers. Marko has had a broad experience working in churches in roles ranging from Junior High Pastor to Executive Pastor. For 11 years, Marko was at Youth Specialties in San Diego, an organization that trains and equips church youth workers – the last 8 of those years as president. Concurrently, Marko was also a part of the leadership team of Zondervan (Grand Rapids, MI).

Marko has authored or contributed to more than 60 books, including the much-talked-about Youth Ministry 3.0. Marko is a partner in The Youth Cartel, providing resources, training and coaching for church youth workers.

Share One Organizational Tip For Children’s Leaders

4 Replies

THE PROCESS OF PLANNING AN EVENT

Month 12

Helping Our Kids Play Well With Others

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: Playing well with Others, Part One

Parents,

One of the hardest things to do as parents is to see our children not behaving around other people. We all want our children to be well behaved, but how can we help our children gain good social skills?

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/123967150/273e20a50e

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: Playing well with Others, Part TwoParents,

Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so are as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Good words to live by, but sometimes this can be difficult, especially for children. Kids are naturally ego-centric and they are not born with the tools to effectively handle conflict. This is where we as their parents must help them to form good social skills and healthy play habits.

We learned in our first email that parents are one of the primary sources for the way our children respond to life. They model behaviors that they see and that are acceptable at home. Playing with your child at home lays the foundation for how they will play with other children. Do you ever get stumped for ideas on what to do at home? Here are some suggestions:

Encourage make believe and pretend play.
Research has shown that pretend play is very important for a young child’s development in number of ways. First, children develop and hone a number of important social skills in the midst of zooming cars and fort building. In fact, when another person is involved, they are able to practice turn-taking, sharing responsibility (for the direction of play), and creative problem solving. In addition, children practice language skills within the context of pretend play. During play, children often experiment with language and voices (e.g., mom calling the children to dinner). Parents and teachers can facilitate this process by introducing new words into the play. Finally, pretend play inspires the imagination and thinking skills.
Art Projects
Granted, this play can get messy, but encouraging your little artist will only increase creativity. Children can become more self confident and assured when they are able to express themselves and art can be a great way to do that.
Create something to share with someone else
Do you have a neighbor, teacher or family member who you would like to reach out to? Have your child help to draw a picture or put together a little gift to brighten their day. This also creates a teaching moment for your child and shows them to think about the feelings of others.

Ultimately, there will be disagreements between kids. It just happens, but how we deal with it can help to ensure the best result. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”. If your child has frequent disagreements with a friend or sibling, consider practicing some of these techniques at a neutral time when the child is not upset and is not in conflict.

Teach empathy and understanding. Often, children who argue are so caught up in being right, they forget to think about how the other person may be feeling. Help your child understand that a friend may be upset because she feels jealous, sad, or lonely about something, and work on identifying times when your child has felt the same way. This can help your child step back from being “right” and remember to be caring.

Apologize and admit mistakes. It’s not easy (even for adults!), but helping your child learn to admit when he is wrong can take away the fuel that feeds many arguments. Role-playing apologies can be helpful here, but what’s more important is to practice what you preach. Let your child see moments when you admit you’re wrong and try to make amends.

Practice ways to compromise. Help your child understand what compromise is (when a common agreement or solution is reached) and why it’s a valuable tool to use in any relationship. Teach your child how to take a few moments to breathe and main her composure as best she can. Give kids the opportunity to practice compromising with you, too.

Taking the time to work with our kids to form good social skills while they are young will be so beneficial for them as they grow older. You are giving them the tools to be a good friend.

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Video Script

As parents, we all think that our kids are amazing. However, I bet you can all think of a moment that your child had a meltdown at a playgroup or was less than charming in a moment you really needed them to behave. What can we do to encourage good behavior with other people? This month’s online parenting class is on playing well with others.

I dare you to think of a single playgroup you have been to when a child hasn’t come away crying. You can’t do it. Kids at this age, or any age for that matter, are just going to have disagreements and have trouble getting along. I can think of one time in particular that I had to leave a playgroup early with my child because the kids were arguing over toys more than they were playing. They just could not seem to get along no matter what we did. As a parent, these moments are mortifying. We see and know how good our kids can be at times and it is so frustrating to see them behaving badly with other children. We have all been there. However, don’t cancel all future playdates and rip up the preschool application. It is crucial for kids to have interaction with others. Studies have shown that social skills are a very important part of growing up. These days children are socialized very early in daycare or preschool. Playdates have become the norm in our society.

As parents, it is our job to teach our children how to interact with others. Children are naturally ego-centric. They are the center of their own little world. The preschool age is especially difficult because they haven’t yet learned what is appropriate behavior. Children this age have trouble playing well with others. By the age of two, it is common for children to act selfishly and to view the world exclusively through their own needs. Toddlers have very little self control or awareness of the feelings of others or the consequences of their actions towards others. At this age it is more common to see children playing alongside each other instead of truly interacting with each other. This is also the stage that acting out physically is normal. Pushing, hitting and snatching items from each other, usually followed by a scream or cry seems to be par for the course. Toddlers will respond with physical acts without realizing that they are hurting their friends. By the age of three, you will see more instances of playing together and pretend play. You will also get a more vocal reaction. This is the point that hurtful words will become common and you may have to diffuse arguments between kids. Their personalities are developed and it is easy to spot the natural leaders and the followers.

So how can parents help their children develop healthy social skills? Children need all sorts of play. They need play with parents, independent play and play with others. Kids must learn to interact with others in a healthy, positive and productive manner. Studies have shown that social development builds off of a child’s primary relationship, that being their parent or guardian. Children learn from what they are immersed in. They will model the type of behavior that they are most familiar with and see often. Loving, sensitive parents can be ideal social tutors. Kids will learn crucial skills just from playing with their parents. Research suggests that children whose parents frequently play with them have more advanced social skills and get along better with their peers. While playing you can model the kinds of behaviors you want them to show. Modeling positive social skills includes showing confidence when we relate to others: being friendly to strangers, offering to help others and treating others with respect. Teach your child that people are important. Don’t let them, intentionally or not, disrespect or belittle another person. Playing alongside your child also allows you to monitor how they play. You can get a sense of what their strengths and weaknesses are. You may realize that your child can tend to be a little bossy or naturally waits for others to initiate play. Knowing this about your child can help you to teach them what they can do to make social situations easier for them.

Be watching for our next parent email. We will give some usable examples of play situations you can implement at home and ways to diffuse those awkward social moments!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet one: Children are naturally ego-centric. They need to learn to think about others as well. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet two: Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet three: Teach your child that people are important. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet four: Playing with others is an important way to learn social skills. How is your child playing? #urchurchparentministry

Tweet five: Kids need to play: Independently, with parents and with others. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet six: Model the behavior you want your kids to show. They are watching you for guidance. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet seven: Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet eight: Don’t let your child’s behavior discourage you from setting up times for them to play with others. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet nine: Loving, sensitive parents can be ideal social tutors for your child. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet ten: Preschoolers have trouble separating feelings from actions. We must teach them appropriate responses to their feelings. #urchurchparentministry

Discipline

Dealing with a Rebellious Child

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Dealing with a Rebellious ChildParents,

More than likely I don’t need to define rebellion to you. You’ve seen it with your own eyes, but for the sake of us being on the same page, here ya go: Rebellion is resistance and/or defiance to authority. As parents we all see our children rebel at some level because, in the end, they’re created to be their own individual. When we place restraints on them, they push back.

Rebellion looks vastly different as your child ages. In the preschool years you may have experienced the tantrum, crying, and pouting when you put boundaries on them. During the school age years rebellion looks differently. It takes the form of disobedience (not doing what you’ve told them to do or doing it VERY SLOWLY) or arguing. This month we want to help you tackle dealing with a rebellious child.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/125561291/cbd793ad74

Later this month we’ll follow up with another email that will guide you through LOVING discipline that corrects rebellion.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Dealing with a Rebellious Child Part 2Parents,

In the world of psychology there exists a law called the Law of Reinforcement: Behavior which achieves desirable consequences will recur. I think we’d all agree that rebellious behavior is NOT something that we want to occur in our children, so we have to begin with the question,” Is there a desirable consequence my child receives when he disobeys? Is there a reward for their rebellion that leads them to continue rebelling?”

In James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline he says, “If you can’t make a five-year-old pick up his toys, it is unlikely you will exercise much control during his most defiant time of life.” However, it’s been proven that harsh, unloving and critical parenting can drive a child to rebellion. So how do we walk the fine line of making our child do what they should without ruling with an iron fist?

The answer lies in how the Lord disciplines us. Take the time to ask yourself how the Lord has disciplined you. Has he been patient? Has he been forgiving? At times has he allowed you to suffer the consequences of your sin?

Hebrews 12:10-11 says God’s point in discipline is holiness. So shall our discipline be for our children. “For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

As you handle defiance and rebellion in your child, here are a few quick reminders:

Be decisive. Land on a consequence and enact it upon rebellion.
Give them the appropriate amount of power. It’s OK to decide what clothes to wear as long as they’re acceptable to school, and you don’t get sick wearing shorts in the snow.
BE PATIENT AND BE CONSISTENT.
Figure out the root of rebellion, the why behind the behavior.
Keeping your cool is just as important as consistency.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Were you a rebellious child growing up? Did you talk back to your parents when they asked you to do something or set a new rule in place? Do you remember pushing back on your parents? We all would answer yes to one or all of these questions. We can all look back and think of a time when we were rebellious. If we can all remember a time when we were rebellious why do we enter parent freak out mode as soon as we sense our own kids being rebellious? Every child is going to go through seasons of rebellion so this month we want to help you know how to handle a rebellious child. Breathe deep, we are going to help you think through this issue and form a plan for helping your child!

When our kids are acting out in disobedience we often forget how much we love them and move quickly to try to fix them. Even though your child may be driving you crazy with their behavior, rebellious kids don’t need to be fixed, they need to be led. Dealing with outright disobedience is the parenting job we dread most. In part because most of us have no idea how to handle it, but also because decades of advice from parenting experts have both confused us and left us scared that we’ll somehow compromise our darlings’ burgeoning self-esteem if we react in the wrong way. But take heart. The fact is, dealing swiftly with a child’s misbehavior or rebellion—and doing so consistently—matters more than the details of your response. Confronting rebellion with consistency and consequences is the key to leading your child to a better place in following your leadership as a parent. You probably don’t connect leadership and parenting often but never forget you are the most influential leader in your child’s life and they will rise to the standard and expectations you set.

When you look at the stories of parents in the Bible you will be encouraged by your own parenting skills because many parents in the Bible were pretty miserable. There is one book of the Bible called Proverbs and it contains many wise sayings shared by a King named Solomon. One of those sayings is…

Proverbs 22:6 // “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”

This is one of those moments where it’s clear that it is wise for Parents to lead their children. For all children, the way they should go is toward God but also they should follow our leadership because God has placed us in their life. The problem is most of the time kids will choose to push against us. We have to lead them to follow us. You do have to fight for a heart connection with your child, but you also have to choose to lead them because children need to be shown what matters in life.

The honest truth is that helping your child move away from a rebellious heart will not happen unless you lead them that way. There is no other way to guide a child in a new direction unless they are lovingly led that way. If this is an issue in your house get ready for more conflict before you have less conflict. The good news is that every child is waiting to be led and every child desperately needs boundaries because deep in their hearts they just need you to lead them.

Most parents I talk to think that rebellion is a season that will pass and that is just not true. A rebellious child who is allowed to reject their parent’s authority will continue to become more and more isolated and rebellious. This is not a season. This is a issue that you can lovingly guide your child through. Before we end this session let me give you a few ideas that we have found helpful…

1. Pray for God to help you lead and help your child follow. // You don’t need to try to confront this issue alone. Why not invite God into the situation to help. Praying for your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. When things are difficult prayer will help center you on trusting God!
2. Set boundaries and communicate them clearly and frequently. // You have to identify where the rebellion is most frequent and figure out what kind of behavior you expect from your child. You also have to communicate these expectations clearly and it may take several times to get your point across.
3. Follow through. // This is the hardest part. Do what you say you are going to do and do not back down. Make your punishment for rebellious behavior something you will consistently follow through on, even when it’s not convenient.
4. Stay calm and be consistent. // Try to remember that this is a process and also lead, don’t nag! Nagging is evidence that consistency is lacking. Don’t nag, say it once and enact consequences.

Ok, this is a start! Later in the month you will receive a follow up email giving you more practical advice on dealing with a rebellious child. Thanks for taking time to watch this online parenting class and know we are praying for you as you invest in your family!

Weekly tweets from you to parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-Why do we enter parent freak out mode when our children rebel? Did you ever rebel?! #itsnaturalpeople #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not turn from it. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Kids want to be their own individual. Help them figure out how to do that sans rebellion. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 –Rebellious kids don’t need to be fixed, they need to be led. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Nagging is evidence that discipline consistency is lacking. #don’tnag! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-There’s no way to guide a child in a new direction unless they’re lovingly led there. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Discipline isn’t just changing behavior, it’s changing the heart. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Pray for God to help you lead courageously and your child to willingly follow. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Confronting rebellion with consistency and consequences will lead your child away from rebellion. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Praying for your children is one of the best gifts you can give your child. #bestgifts #urchurchparentministry

Character

Allowing Your Kid To Struggle

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Parents-DON’T be their superheroParents,

Teacups are beautiful, yet they’re very fragile and must be handled with extreme care. Today, university professors call our children just that, teacups. They see college students as very fragile because of overprotection. And while teacups are aesthetically pleasing, they are rarely used and of little value to us on a day to day basis.

As parents it’s hard to watch our children fail, so often we swoop in to make sure they don’t. In the process we create children that don’t know how to fail well. This month we want to process how we can STOP being our child’s superhero, and instead, allow them to develop the courage and problem solving skills to work through any issue life hands them. Check out this month’s video link to see a glimpse into WHY we need to allow our children to fail.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/123492185/b35e13831e

Later this month we’ll delve more into how we can avoid swooping in to save the day, and we’ll take a look at what the Bible has to say about failure.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: NOT a parenting superhero-Part 2Parents,

Current culture says to our children, you can be anything you want to be. The truth is they can TRY to be anything that they want, but they will fail. Our children, just like us, have been uniquely designed and created for purpose. One of the biggest ideas that will help us discover that purpose is working through failure.

We allow our children to fail when we STOP overparenting. Overparenting is actually a word, and we’ve created it. Here’s the definition:

We overparent when we are excessively involved in the day to day life of our children, typically in the desire to shield them from difficult situations and help them succeed.

Of course we want our children to succeed. A researcher named La Ferle says this of overparenting, “We take personally the things that happen to our kids, and if our kids succeed, we are successful parents. If they fail, it’s a bad reflection on us. If we can get over that, then that’s good. Sometimes we need to step back and not use our kids as trophies.”

The Bible is clear that we are NOT enough, and it’s a good thing. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Let’s ban together, committing to STOP overparenting, allow our children to fail, learn from those failures, and find that true strength comes from God IN them.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

I will go ahead and have a time of parenting confession. At times I am an overprotective parent.

I feel better just getting that out there, so now let me connect with other over protective parents watching this!

Anytime we take our kids hiking, camping, or to the lake with our family I am the parent looking out for all of the dangerous things that could possibly hurt one of our kids. I am the “be careful” police of our family and the honest truth is I have to be so very careful to not let that tendency bleed over into how I parent on a day to day basis. This month in our Online Parenting Class we are going to talk about how we can let our kids fail. I know you don’t read many book on this subject and maybe fail is too hard of a word but this month we hope we can all link arms together and find the freedom to at least not solve all of our kids problems and allow them to struggle!

Parents today are obsessed with affirmation and success when it comes to how they parent. We want our children to be encouraged, and we want them to succeed. Think about the culture our children are surrounded by. Every kid on the soccer or baseball team get’s a trophy just for trying. Every kid gets a ribbon at field day for just showing up. As parents we are fine with this because we do our best to help our kids succeed and feel affirmed. The question we have to wrestle with this month is when do we allow our children to feel the sting of failure while we are in their life to coach them through it?

Our generation of parents has created two new “kinds of parents” helicopter parents (those who hover around and swoop in at the first sign of trouble) and lawnmower parents (seek to smooth out every situation that could cause stress). We have all seen these parents but the reality is that we often give in to the trap of overprotection because we see everyone else going that direction.

I was reading a blog post on the Huffington Post recently and a writer was talking about this very issue. They said…

”There’s an old Chinese saying, “Failure is the mother of success.” You don’t have to look far in our culture to find celebrated examples of this very notion: Einstein is rumored to have flunked math for years; Steve Jobs was fired from the company he started, only to return a few years later and take Apple to new heights; Walt Disney himself was fired early in his career by a newspaper editor who told him that he “had no imagination and no good ideas.”

Failure can be a good thing in the life of your child because failure pushes kids to learn not to shape their identity and worth around their accomplishments. Failure pushes us to learn. Failure pushes us to seek advice from trusted voices. Failure even pushes us to trust God. Sounds crazy but listen to what one person from the Bible says in the book of Psalms…

Psalm 46:1 (NLT) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
That is what failure is for our kids…it’s trouble…and God is there to help. I will never forget when my oldest daughter was struggling at school to run her timed mile in PE. She stressed over it. She cried. She was angry at that stop watch. She failed two times. Everything in me wanted to go to the school and step in for her but I didn’t. We prayed and she tried harder and she finally got it. I could have derailed a teachable moment by stepping in! Our tendency is to step in too early.

This month your assignment is simple. Evaluate your parenting and process if you are overprotecting your kids from failure. Later this month we will send you some practical advice on how to help your child fail well. But until then look for an opportunity this week to step back and not solve a problem for your child. We are praying for you as you work hard to be a better parent! You can do this!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- When do we allow our children to feel the sting of failure while we are in their life to coach them through it? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Failure pushes kids to learn to shape their identity and worth around their accomplishments #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Can children really BE anything they want to BE? #createdforpurpose #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 –A helicopter parent is one who constantly hovers around their child and swoops in at the first sign of trouble. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Have you had an opportunity this week to NOT save your child from failure? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-A lawnmower parent is one who always wants to smooth things over so their children don’t experience the rough parts of life. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Jesus said HIS strength is made perfect in weakness, and Paul concluded he would boast in His weakness. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Famous old Chinese proverb, Failure is the mother of success. Parents, allow failure! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Success isn’t final, failure isn’t fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts-Winston Churchill#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Are we content with hardships and failure, allowing to be strong in weakness? 2 Corinthians 12:10 #urchurchparentministry