Helping Our Kids Play Well With Others
Email 1
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Parents,
One of the hardest things to do as parents is to see our children not behaving around other people. We all want our children to be well behaved, but how can we help our children gain good social skills?
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/123967150/273e20a50e
Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor
Email 2
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Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so are as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Good words to live by, but sometimes this can be difficult, especially for children. Kids are naturally ego-centric and they are not born with the tools to effectively handle conflict. This is where we as their parents must help them to form good social skills and healthy play habits.
We learned in our first email that parents are one of the primary sources for the way our children respond to life. They model behaviors that they see and that are acceptable at home. Playing with your child at home lays the foundation for how they will play with other children. Do you ever get stumped for ideas on what to do at home? Here are some suggestions:
- Encourage make believe and pretend play.
Research has shown that pretend play is very important for a young child’s development in number of ways. First, children develop and hone a number of important social skills in the midst of zooming cars and fort building. In fact, when another person is involved, they are able to practice turn-taking, sharing responsibility (for the direction of play), and creative problem solving. In addition, children practice language skills within the context of pretend play. During play, children often experiment with language and voices (e.g., mom calling the children to dinner). Parents and teachers can facilitate this process by introducing new words into the play. Finally, pretend play inspires the imagination and thinking skills. - Art Projects
Granted, this play can get messy, but encouraging your little artist will only increase creativity. Children can become more self confident and assured when they are able to express themselves and art can be a great way to do that. - Create something to share with someone else
Do you have a neighbor, teacher or family member who you would like to reach out to? Have your child help to draw a picture or put together a little gift to brighten their day. This also creates a teaching moment for your child and shows them to think about the feelings of others.
Ultimately, there will be disagreements between kids. It just happens, but how we deal with it can help to ensure the best result. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”. If your child has frequent disagreements with a friend or sibling, consider practicing some of these techniques at a neutral time when the child is not upset and is not in conflict.
Teach empathy and understanding. Often, children who argue are so caught up in being right, they forget to think about how the other person may be feeling. Help your child understand that a friend may be upset because she feels jealous, sad, or lonely about something, and work on identifying times when your child has felt the same way. This can help your child step back from being “right” and remember to be caring.
Apologize and admit mistakes. It’s not easy (even for adults!), but helping your child learn to admit when he is wrong can take away the fuel that feeds many arguments. Role-playing apologies can be helpful here, but what’s more important is to practice what you preach. Let your child see moments when you admit you’re wrong and try to make amends.
Practice ways to compromise. Help your child understand what compromise is (when a common agreement or solution is reached) and why it’s a valuable tool to use in any relationship. Teach your child how to take a few moments to breathe and main her composure as best she can. Give kids the opportunity to practice compromising with you, too.
Taking the time to work with our kids to form good social skills while they are young will be so beneficial for them as they grow older. You are giving them the tools to be a good friend.
Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor
Video Script
As parents, we all think that our kids are amazing. However, I bet you can all think of a moment that your child had a meltdown at a playgroup or was less than charming in a moment you really needed them to behave. What can we do to encourage good behavior with other people? This month’s online parenting class is on playing well with others.
I dare you to think of a single playgroup you have been to when a child hasn’t come away crying. You can’t do it. Kids at this age, or any age for that matter, are just going to have disagreements and have trouble getting along. I can think of one time in particular that I had to leave a playgroup early with my child because the kids were arguing over toys more than they were playing. They just could not seem to get along no matter what we did. As a parent, these moments are mortifying. We see and know how good our kids can be at times and it is so frustrating to see them behaving badly with other children. We have all been there. However, don’t cancel all future playdates and rip up the preschool application. It is crucial for kids to have interaction with others. Studies have shown that social skills are a very important part of growing up. These days children are socialized very early in daycare or preschool. Playdates have become the norm in our society.
As parents, it is our job to teach our children how to interact with others. Children are naturally ego-centric. They are the center of their own little world. The preschool age is especially difficult because they haven’t yet learned what is appropriate behavior. Children this age have trouble playing well with others. By the age of two, it is common for children to act selfishly and to view the world exclusively through their own needs. Toddlers have very little self control or awareness of the feelings of others or the consequences of their actions towards others. At this age it is more common to see children playing alongside each other instead of truly interacting with each other. This is also the stage that acting out physically is normal. Pushing, hitting and snatching items from each other, usually followed by a scream or cry seems to be par for the course. Toddlers will respond with physical acts without realizing that they are hurting their friends. By the age of three, you will see more instances of playing together and pretend play. You will also get a more vocal reaction. This is the point that hurtful words will become common and you may have to diffuse arguments between kids. Their personalities are developed and it is easy to spot the natural leaders and the followers.
So how can parents help their children develop healthy social skills? Children need all sorts of play. They need play with parents, independent play and play with others. Kids must learn to interact with others in a healthy, positive and productive manner. Studies have shown that social development builds off of a child’s primary relationship, that being their parent or guardian. Children learn from what they are immersed in. They will model the type of behavior that they are most familiar with and see often. Loving, sensitive parents can be ideal social tutors. Kids will learn crucial skills just from playing with their parents. Research suggests that children whose parents frequently play with them have more advanced social skills and get along better with their peers. While playing you can model the kinds of behaviors you want them to show. Modeling positive social skills includes showing confidence when we relate to others: being friendly to strangers, offering to help others and treating others with respect. Teach your child that people are important. Don’t let them, intentionally or not, disrespect or belittle another person. Playing alongside your child also allows you to monitor how they play. You can get a sense of what their strengths and weaknesses are. You may realize that your child can tend to be a little bossy or naturally waits for others to initiate play. Knowing this about your child can help you to teach them what they can do to make social situations easier for them.
Be watching for our next parent email. We will give some usable examples of play situations you can implement at home and ways to diffuse those awkward social moments!
Weekly tweets from you to parents:
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.
Tweet one: Children are naturally ego-centric. They need to learn to think about others as well. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet two: Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet three: Teach your child that people are important. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet four: Playing with others is an important way to learn social skills. How is your child playing? #urchurchparentministry
Tweet five: Kids need to play: Independently, with parents and with others. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet six: Model the behavior you want your kids to show. They are watching you for guidance. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet seven: Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet eight: Don’t let your child’s behavior discourage you from setting up times for them to play with others. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet nine: Loving, sensitive parents can be ideal social tutors for your child. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet ten: Preschoolers have trouble separating feelings from actions. We must teach them appropriate responses to their feelings. #urchurchparentministry