Author Archives: Jeremy Lee

Character

Helping Your Child Know When Or If To Quit

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Video Script

When is it OK to quit?

Did you parents ever tell you that you must finished what you started and not let you quit something that was making you absolutely miserable? That’s a great piece of advice in most situations, but what are those situations where that is not good advice? Is there ever a time that it’s okay to quit? The answer is simple. It depends.

When weighing the options of what to do next when the way gets difficult, remember, put your child in the decision-making driver’s seat with you as the co-pilot. Remember, it’s not how well you as a parent can navigate the decision-making for your child that really matters. It’s how well they can do it, especially when you’re not around.

As the parent, I want my child to have as many opportunities to wrestle with these types of questions why I’m nearby so that I can help them and coach them along in how to make the right decision. Most of the time, pressing forward to stick with a commitment is the right thing to do. With each new generation, we’ve become more accustomed to quick fixes and instant answers. Having to push through and honor commitments to events, jobs, sports, teams, projects, and clubs can be painful, but the result is the opportunity to reinforce the ideal of stick–to–itiveness that can only be developed by having to persist.

If your child is in the midst of a difficulty, talk through with some questions with him or her before arriving at an answer. Have them ask, “What will I miss if I quit?” “In what ways will other people be impacted if I quit?” “Will there ever be a time that I would want to try this again?” “What is a change that maybe I can make that would fix this problem that I’m having?” In not every situation, sticking with a commitment is the best option.

Knowing when to quit is also a necessary skill that rarely gets discussed. There are time when the best thing to do is just to cut your losses and walk away. To identify if it is best to quit, the questions that we talked about earlier are a really great place to start, but there may also be times that you need to step in, throw in the towel, and regardless of what your child is saying, do what needs to be done. Here are some questions that you ask before you allow your child to choose to quit something. “Is this activity causing me or others greater harm than good?” “Is it causing distress in other areas of my teen’s life?” “Are there any possible long term effects of continuing this activity?”

The answer to these questions could provide overwhelming evidence for the need to quit. Even more important is asking the question, “What is something that I can do to identify next time so that I will know how to avoid situations like this?” Remember, it’s to quit or not to quit, it depends, but the most important thing is that your teen chooses and can learn from this.

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Misery isn’t perseverance—it’s a waste of time #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Focus on your strong points so they’ll become even stronger. #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: What is to be gained by quitting? #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Will quitting make your life better at the expense of someone else? #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Life is too short to waste any time #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Smart choices lead to positive outcomes. #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: To quit or not to quit…that is the question #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Always quitting is as dangerous as never quitting #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Finish what you start when finishing is seen as accomplishment #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten:Don’t quit on life or it will quit on you. #quittingcanbepositive #urchurchparentministry

Lunch Box Notes #2

What is It?

This resource is designed to help parents offer a daily note of encouragement to their child. We’ll help them get started by giving them a note with a verse for 30 days. Parents can tweak the note, add what they want to say to it, and give it to their child.

How do I use it?

This is a pdf so you can:

  • distribute it to your parents how you normally do through email
  • download or print it and hand it out to them
  • distribute in a small group setting

Download Now

Puberty

Preparing For Puberty

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Parents,

There will come a time in your role as a parent for you to discuss the changes going on in your child’s body. That’s where our video this month comes in.

I hope you had a chance to watch our Online Parenting Class, Preparing for Puberty. If you were able to watch, I hope you received the encouragement you need to be honest and open with your children about puberty.

I’ll say it again: when talking to your child about puberty, it is important to approach the subject honestly, openly, and age-appropriately. They aren’t looking for a biology lesson, just give them what they need to know to answer their questions. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open on this topic.

With all of the outside influences on children these days, it’s important to be proactive and make sure that the information they receive is accurate. Honesty…openness…and the truth of God’s Word. These are the instructions you need to be giving your children.

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Video Script

You may be a long time away from talking to your child about puberty, so this video is one that you can store away for the future. But some of you have older children, and the time is coming soon where you’ll need to talk to your child about the changes they will face during puberty.

What age is the right age to talk about puberty with your child? Isn’t that the $64,000 question that you really wish you didn’t have to answer? Or maybe you’re a parent who has no problem talking about bodily functions with your child. Whichever type of parenting style you relate to best, there is one rule of thumb which will help guide you with this subject. It’s not necessarily about whether or not you are ready to have this conversation, but more importantly, it’s about whether or not your child’s ready to have this discussion and for a lot of parents your child’s going to be ready for this sooner than you are.

Basically, there are two questions that you can ask yourself to know whether or not now is the time to broach this wonderful and enlightening subject of puberty with your child. First one is, “Is my child ready for this discussion and because of outside influences or circumstances do I have to have this discussion?” We all know children mature at different ages. Your child may start their puberty at twelve years old when your friend’s ten year old has already begun. Because all kids are different, parents need to be tuned in to their child in order to accurately determine the beginning of this stage. The last thing you want is for your child to be in fear of the unknown because of lack of knowledge or misinformation. You are their best source of instruction. Who better than someone who’s been through it already and loves them? We as parents often feel inadequate when it comes to these matters, but please let me encourage you by telling you that your teenager is not looking for scientific data. They just need to know specifics from the person they trust the most, you.

I realize our children think they know all they need to know because their best friend told them all about it, and that is when you need to jump in with true knowledge and wisdom. That is one of those circumstances when the decision, it’s been taken out of your hands and this has become a have to situation. Just be honest and forthright. At this point, your child does not have to know every single thing there is about puberty. Find out what they know, correct the misinformation, and give them practical advice that they will need in the near future. Remember, it’s taken this many years for your child to hit the age of puberty. It doesn’t take just one conversation to give them all the information they will need for the rest of this stage of their life.

I like to think of this time as kind of like a road trip. Conversations will need to take place at different points along the way and the only way to know when that point arrives is by paying close attention to the signs. The important thing is, remember, you’re on this trip together.

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: How will you approach talking to your child about puberty? #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Let the puberty talks begin at home #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: If you don’t tell your child about puberty, someone else will #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Talk to your kids about puberty before someone else does. #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Don’t let the internet teach your kids about puberty. #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: The puberty talk is part of parenting responsibly. #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Discussing puberty is the parent’s job—biology is the school’s. #pubertyisafactoflife #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Honesty, openness & God’s truth…keys to an open relationship with your child #pubertyisafactoflife#urchurchparentministry

Month 17

How To Handle Tattling

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Video Script

In some homes, especially among siblings Tattling is an art form. It’s kind of like a weapon used by kids to get power by bringing the authority figure on their side.

But just to be honest, it’s sometimes hard to figure out if a child is tattling to get another child in trouble or if they are telling you something that you need to know.

How can you teach a child the difference between Tattling and Telling?

Here are four ideas to help you get rid of Tattling in your home…

First, explain the difference to them. Tattling is a normal response for most kids because it just works. Most kids have tattled and found it to be a great way to get an adult’s attention. For many kids it genuinely feels like they are doing something good to inform an adult that another child did something wrong. It’s especially confusing to kids that are natural rule followers and like to have order instead of chaos in their environment. They’ll usually use Tattling to try and control their environment.

Clear communication is a crucial first step. Explain to your child, “Tattling is when you are trying to get someone in trouble, and telling is when you are trying to be helpful or protect someone from getting hurt.”

Secondly, point out examples of Tattling and Telling. Try to catch them in the act of both tattling and telling. Help them see the difference by using real life examples of their behavior through out the day. Try to do this without expressing anger or shaming them. Instead, display the heart of a teacher who is genuinely trying to show them the difference between the two.

Third, Encourage them to practice resolving their own conflict. Many times tattling is an attempt by your child to help solve a conflict. This is a great opportunity to teach your child how to face the conflict themselves and practice using their “voice” in a situation instead of running to an adult to do it for them.

Finally, don’t reward tattling. Ok, you’ve taken the time to explain clearly what tattling is, and you’ve taught them what it looks like through “real life” examples. Now it’s time to to put their new found knowledge to the test. They probably won’t be perfect at this, so the next time they come to tattle just help them identify what they’ve done and move on. Don’t give tattling any more power in your home.

It’s seems easier to just ignore the tattling and let it continue in your family. But this is one of those behaviors that can get out of control quickly, so it’s best for you to engage your child and teach them the healthy way to respond instead of tattling.

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Just be nice #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Nice words are the only words you should speak #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Words of concern aren’t tattling #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Parents against tattling UNITE! #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Let the words of my mouth be pleasing to God. #tattlingsnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Tame the tongue…conquer the world #tattlingsnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Who likes a tattle tale? NO ONE! #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Speak for yourself-not others #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Stop tattling before it starts #tattlingnotallowed #urchurchparentministry

Failure

Overcoming Failures

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Video Script

One of the hardest things as a parent is seeing firsthand the repeated failures of your chile, especially when they might be an accurate reflection of us and the things that we do. As parents, we can succumb to emotions about not wanting them to do the same things we did, mixed in with a bit of guilt and we’re somehow passing it in, or maybe it’s the opposite scenario and that they are nothing like you, and you cannot understand why they won’t take those simple steps that are so easy for you to see.

As parents, it is important for us to recognize that different is not bad. Just because your child doesn’t do it your way, it does not mean that it is wrong or a failure. Each time you feel yourself get tense because of what your child just did, ask yourself if what your child is doing is it wrong or is it just different.

Next, we have to separate the behavior from the person. Don’t like the behavior but always, always like your child. They will always go to the, “Well, you don’t like me” feeling rather than, “You don’t like my choices.” Acknowledge the potential strength in that poor choice. It helps identify the bits that you want to keep around for the future.

For example, if you have a child that can be very stubborn and when there’s something that needs to be done and they just refuse to do it, well, it may be difficult to deal with as a parent in the moment but it will be an incredible strength if you focus in the right direction.

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: We are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Children are people…not puppets #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Get to know your kids…grow your family bonds #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Nobody’s perfect…including your kids…including you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Mistakes don’t have to define you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Who decides what different is, anyway? #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Guide your kids to THEIR destiny…not yours #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Teach your children & let them teach you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: God’s image is so big it takes us all to see him #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: Be the parent who embraces each child’s uniqueness with love #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Month 16

“How To Deal With Backtalk”

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Video Script

Don’t you wish that your sweet little baby would just stay sweet!?

Unfortunately, though your baby is human, and that means at times they are going to get angry and even start to say mean things.

Dealing with your child’s back talk can be frustrating. Here’s some ideas on how to handle back talk in a healthy way.

Kids start back talking around age two. Once they really “find their words” and start talking more, they discover how to say “No” more often. As they get older their back talk can come more advanced and more frequent. Sometimes kids talk back because they want to work parents up, they see that it might get your attention or give them power.

Often, it’s an experiment. Maybe they heard someone on TV, or a friend saying something like that, and they wanna know how you’ll react. Sometimes, they just wanna get their way. They wanna get out of chores or not do their homework.

Back- talk is a is a bit like a tube of toothpaste, once the words come out you can’t put them back in. We can’t tell them, you can’t talk to me like that because they already did.

So, one method to try is to refuse to give any power or significance to the “back talk”. When you respond with your own form of angry talk, you are just giving your child the result they might have wanted. That becomes a crazy cycle where everyone just ends up yelling at each other. What I recommend is if your child says something disrespectful to you, just say “it’s not okay to talk to me like that, I’ll be happy to try this conversation again when you have calmed down” with as little emotion as possible.

And then walk away. That’s right, I said walk away. That’s not ignoring your child, but rather it’s inviting your child to a respectful conversation. It’s also setting a boundary that you won’t participate in a disrespectful conversation.

Setting a great example is also very important. If you want your child to speak respectfully to you, make sure that you’re speaking respectfully to your child and to your spouse. Whatever the usual emotional tone is in your home, that’s what your child is going to think is normal.

Our words are very powerful. We need to learn to use them respectfully. Remember, the goal here is not to suppress your child’s anger. Anger is actually a very useful emotion. It tells us that “something needs to change”. But rather, you’re teaching your child to remain respectful even though they are angry.

Ephesians 4:26 says “In your anger, do not sin”. Notice that it didn’t say, “Don’t get angry”. What it said was to remain under control while you are angry.

This is the skill you are teaching your child when you are addressing their “Back Talk”

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Oh be careful little mouth what you say #Wordsmatter . #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: What you say & how you say it are equally important #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: No sass allowed in our house. #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Speak to others the way you want to be spoken to #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Be fair, firm & consistent when teaching kids how to speak politely #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: If you want your kids to talk nicely you need to do the same #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Children really do learn what they live #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: If you say it, your preschooler will repeat it #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Don’t tell anyone anything you don’t want your preschooler to share with the world #Wordsmatter #urchurchparentministry

Month 15

Take Time For Yourself

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Video Script

Preschool #6- The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Child

You do a lot for your child every day.

Between meals, diaper changes, bathing, and play dates the list of things you do for them is pretty long.

Let’s don’t even start with all that you buy your child. All of the toys, the clothes, the doctor’s bills, and on and on.

But you’ll keep doing and giving and doing and giving until you are utterly exhausted. Do you know why? Because you really love your kids.

We’re not talking about just any kind of love. God plants a deep love in the heart of a parent for their child. It’s the kind of love that would lead us to do anything for our child.

So, I’m going to suggest something that you can do for your child that you might not have considered lately.

I’m going to ask you to consider taking some time to take care of you.

In all that we do for kids, sometimes the first thing we forget to do is take care of ourselves.

That sounds selfish doesn’t it to say that you should take care of yourself? You might be wondering why I suggested that taking care of you is the best thing you can do for your child.

It’s simply because of this, when you practice self care, your kids get the best version of you to take care of them.

Your kids don’t know how to give you a break. It’s highly unlikely that your kid is going to sit down next to you and say, “Hey, you look a little tired, why don’t you take a break?”

But trust me, your child would rather have a happy, rested parent then a moody exhausted one.

I know it’s not easy to take a break. It’s exhausting to think about hiring babysitters, asking family for help, making plans and arrangements, and all of the things you have to do to be able to take care of yourself.

But trust me. When you return from your rest, your parenting batteries will be recharged, and you’ll be ready to play and give your best attention to your child.

Scripture paints a beautiful picture of this rhythm in Phillipians 2:3-4. It says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves; do not look only to your interests, but also the interests of others.”

Did you hear that? It didn’t say “Don’t look out for your own interests.” It said, “As you are taking care of yourself, make sure to also care for others.”

What a perfect picture of a healthy parent.

It’s not just a gift you give yourself. Your children will be grateful as well!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Loving yourself lets you love others better. #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Moms of preschoolers need lots of TLC #takingcareofme#urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Parents of preschoolers deserve ‘me time’! #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: The lock on the bathroom door is my favorite house feature #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Quiet time in a house with preschoolers is a luxury #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Parents of preschoolers need a hobby with no kids allowed #takingcareofme#urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven:I love my preschooler every day in every way #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: When your preschooler is away a parent can play #takingcareofme #urchurchparentministry

A Father & Son’s Quest

What is It?

One of the great lessons a father teaches his son is one in honor & integrity.  This toolbox resource was created to help give scripture references & question to spur discussion between the father & son on these specific topics.  This resource utilizes a handout & an outline to guide a father/son group event.

How do I use it?

This is a pdf so you can:

  • download or print it and hand it out to them
  • use during a father/son event
  • distribute in a small group setting

Download Handout Now

Download Outline Now