Taming The Tantrums

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I really wish the Bible had a verse that we can go to that will give us the answer to Taming our Child’s Tantrums.

Unfortunately, there’s not a ton of wisdom that addresses that topic specifically. But in the book of Proverbs there is a small bit of wisdom that might encourage you today to respond to your child’s tantrum in a healthy way.

Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft word tuns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath”

So how do we offer “soft words” to our child when they are throwing a tantrum?

Here are 3 approaches you can try:

First of all- Try to determine what kind of tantrum it is. Is your child overwhelmed, exhausted, hungry or is there some specific cause to the tantrum that you can address? Or is the tantrum an attempt to manipulate you so the child can get what they want?

If your child is genuinely overwhelmed, it’s time to offer them comfort. Give them a hug, sip of water, or maybe a tissue. Just make sure to calmly communicate to them that you are their to offer them help for whatever is overwhelming them.

If your child’s trying to manipulate with their tantrum, you might try a different approach. One way to identify these tantrums is that they involve less tears and more of a demand that you give your child something they want.

One way to respond to this kind of tantrum is to refuse to react to it. Just wait for them to finish and then move on to the next activity. If your child is able to get a reaction from you, then it will encourage future tantrums.

Children have different temperaments, and the kids who tend to be more intense, are more likely to have tantrums.

A parents response to tantrums has a big impact on whether they continue. If you pay attention to tantrums, they are going to happen more often.

Second- Try to stay as calm as humanly possible. If you get angry in response to tantrums, they’re going to escalate.

Try spending less time attempting to talk your child out of their tantrum, and more time talking yourself through staying calm during it.

This is where you might whisper a quick prayer. Something like, “God please help me stay calm in this moment.”

Third- Be consistent and patient. These are two amazing ingredients in just about any parenting situation, but especially when it comes to tantrums. Your child will test you with tantrums, but eventually your consistency and patience will show them that tantrums will not get them what they want.

I don’t know that we ever grow out of having tantrums. We sometimes can still throw tantrums as adults.

But if you stick with it, your child will learn a healthy way to ask for what they want, and you will be glad that you made the effort to Tame those Tantrums.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Preschoolers have bad days too. #toddlertantrums #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Be a responder, not a reactor. #setthatexample #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: In your anger do not sin #eph4:26 #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Set the tone for your home: handle anger God’s way #selfcontrol #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Anger is inevitable. How we respond is our choice. #choosewell #littleeyesarewatching #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Control your anger. It’s only one letter away from danger. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Self-control grows from time spent growing with the Lord. #fruitofthespirit #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret–it leads only to evil. #ps37:8 #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Tantrums are teaching moments. #trainupachild #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: Asking questions can reveal a lot about the root of a toddler’s tantrum. #gettotheheart #urchurchparentministry

How To Deal with Your Child’s Attitude Problem

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Like you, I am the parent of a preschooler and like you, I have experienced the frustration of a preschooler’s attitude. I once heard a friend say, “Whoever named it the terrible twos, never had a three year old!” Turning four brings a whole new set of issues. Let’s face it, preschoolers can have major attitude. So what are some ways that we can deal with our child when those moments happen? This month’s parenting class is all about attitude.

Nothing pushes a parent’s buttons more than being on the receiving end of back talk from their own child. But get into a major power struggle and you’ll just stress out more — yelling isn’t going to win you respect. Simply ignoring your kid’s attitude problem won’t make it disappear either. The biggest mistake we make is assuming rude behavior is a phase that will go away on its own. Your sweet baby is now an opinionated two or three year old. Suddenly bossiness and yelling are very common. You may have a snappy comeback yourself, but stop and take a moment. That smart comment may make you feel better, but don’t place yourself in a situation where you are arguing with your two year old. You are the adult and we need to remember to act like it. Don’t allow your frustration to force you to lose your temper with your child. Make it a teaching moment and let your child know how and what they should have said. Then give them the opportunity to make it right. Help them focus and understand what you expect from them.

Sometimes, kids are just seeking a reaction from you. The truth is that bad behavior often results in them receiving more attention from you than good behavior does. Make sure that you praise and acknowledge the good times as well as the bad. When they do talk back, don’t take the bait, but don’t ignore them either. Establish a statement to use in these situations. Something like: “That is not how we talk to each other. Let’s try again.”

Although preschoolers often want to be helpful, they also like to assert their independence at times. It’s common for them to say, “No!” when you tell them to do something. They often like to find out what happens when they break the rules or act defiantly.Establish a list of household rules and make the negative consequences for breaking those rules clear. Be consistent in your discipline, because preschoolers will likely to try to get away with misbehavior as long as they think there’s a small chance they won’t get in trouble.Use positive reinforcement to encourage compliance. Praise and reward systems can increase the likelihood that your preschooler will follow directions.

Most preschoolers have gained some mastery over temper tantrums but still haven’t gained enough impulse control to prevent the occasional aggressive behavior. Hitting, kicking, and occasional biting can still be a problem. Respond to aggressive behavior with consistent discipline. Time outs can teach children how to calm themselves down. Taking away privileges can also be an effective consequence for aggression. Teach your child problem solving skills so they can resolve conflict peacefully. Also teach your child about feelings so they can express her emotions with words, instead of by acting out how they feels. Aggressive behavior should subside as your child masters those skills. Be on the lookout for our next email. We will give you some examples and some how-to’s that should help you deal with all that attitude.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Don’t argue with your preschooler. You are the adult, act like it. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: James 1:19 “This you know my beloved brethren. Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger”. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: The biggest mistake we make is assuming rude behavior is a phase that will go away on its own. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Don’t allow your frustration to force you to lose your temper with your child. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: When your children talk back, don’t take the bait, but don’t ignore the behavior either. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Preschoolers often like to find out what happens when they break the rules or act defiantly. Have a plan for when they do. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Be a model. Show your children what they should do.#urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Teach your child problem solving skills so they can resolve conflict peacefully. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Don’t use bribes to stop bad behavior. Instead teach your child how to deal with their emotions. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: When you give your child choices, you empower them to make decisions. #urchurchparentministry