Author Archives: Jeremy Lee

Year 2

Why Should Parents Do This Rite of Passage?

How Do Parents Plan This Rite of Passage?

Invitation to Prayer

Now that their child is speaking, Parents can take the time to teach them what it means to speak with God. We want to help parents process what type of person they want their child to be, then build a simple prayer around one of those traits that the parent and child can begin praying together.

Included in this Rite of Passage Experience

Kickstarters to help give Biblical Background to the Rite of Passage. These Kickstarters will help inspire the Parents to see the “Big Picture” behind the Rites of Passage Experience.

Parent Planning Guide that will walk the Parents you serve step-by-step through the process of carrying out this Rite of Passage in their home.

Developmental Guide that will give the Parents you serve a snapshot of what is happening physically, mentally, and emotionally during this stage of their child’s life.

Resource Materials that include the Video Scripts for this Rite of Passage. You can use these scripts to make your own videos if you would like to.

Download Videos

Download Resources

What do I do now?

As a subscriber to ParentMinistry.net for Preschool you have a license to share this material to anyone in your church.

You can download this material and make physical copies of it to pass out to the Parents in your ministry.
You can download the content from our website and upload it to your church’s website. This will give you helpful content to offer parents of preschoolers in your church.
You can email these resources to the Parents in your ministry and offer them the opportunity to do the Rites of Passage Experiences in their home.
You can host an event at your church for the Parents to preview the Rites of Passage Experience and plan how they can do them in their home.

PARENT MINISTRY TIP: One of the best ways to start the Rites of Passage Experience is to recruit an influential family to try each Rite of Passage. These “early adopters” can share with other families about their experience.

Year 1

Why Should Parents Do This Rite of Passage?

How Do Parents Plan This Rite of Passage?

Birthday Blessing

This Rite of Passage helps parents throw the best 1st year birthday party for their child where they’ll share with friends and family a written “Birthday Blessing”. This “Birthday Blessing” will be a treasure that helps the Parents outline their prayers and dreams for their child.

Included in this Rite of Passage Experience

Kickstarters to help give Biblical Background to the Rite of Passage. These Kickstarters will help inspire the Parents to see the “Big Picture” behind the Rites of Passage Experience.

Parent Planning Guide that will walk the Parents you serve step-by-step through the process of carrying out this Rite of Passage in their home.

Developmental Guide that will give the Parents you serve a snapshot of what is happening physically, mentally, and emotionally during this stage of their child’s life.

Resource Materials that include the Video Scripts for this Rite of Passage. You can use these scripts to make your own videos if you would like to.

Download Videos

Download Resources

What do I do now?

As a subscriber to ParentMinistry.net for Preschool you have a license to share this material to anyone in your church.

You can download this material and make physical copies of it to pass out to the Parents in your ministry.
You can download the content from our website and upload it to your church’s website. This will give you helpful content to offer parents of preschoolers in your church.
You can email these resources to the Parents in your ministry and offer them the opportunity to do the Rites of Passage Experiences in their home.
You can host an event at your church for the Parents to preview the Rites of Passage Experience and plan how they can do them in their home.

Birth

Why Should Parents Do This Rite of Passage?

How Do Parents Plan This Rite of Passage?

Invitation to Peace

In this Rite of Passage parents will discover a time of peace with their newborn. The first year with a baby is all about routine, and this Rite of Passage will equip Parents to build peaceful moments into that routine.

Included in this Rite of Passage Experience

Kickstarters to help give Biblical Background to the Rite of Passage. These Kickstarters will help inspire the Parents to see the “Big Picture” behind the Rites of Passage Experience.

Parent Planning Guide that will walk the Parents you serve step-by-step through the process of carrying out this Rite of Passage in their home.

Developmental Guide that will give the Parents you serve a snapshot of what is happening physically, mentally, and emotionally during this stage of their child’s life.

Resource Materials that include the Video Scripts for this Rite of Passage. You can use these scripts to make your own videos if you would like to.

Download Videos
Download Resources

What do I do now?

As a subscriber to ParentMinistry.net for Preschool you have a license to share this material to anyone in your church.

You can download this material and make physical copies of it to pass out to the Parents in your ministry.
You can download the content from our website and upload it to your church’s website. This will give you helpful content to offer parents of preschoolers in your church.
You can email these resources to the Parents in your ministry and offer them the opportunity to do the Rites of Passage Experiences in their home.
You can host an event at your church for the Parents to preview the Rites of Passage Experience and plan how they can do them in their home.

Leading Your Kids To Christ

What is it?

This short and practical Ebook will help Parents understand the basics of how to talk to
their kids about salvation.

Jason Underhill, a children’s ministry veteran, wrote this resource to encourage parents
to be the ones to lead their child to Christ.

How can you use it?

* If a parent communicates to you that their child is interested in salvation, you can email
them this ebook as an encouragement.

* You can hold a “Leading Your Kids to Christ” Parent Seminar and use this ebook as
your notes for the session

Download Ebook.

Discipline

Teaching Our Kids Honor Through Discipline

Email 1

Subject line: Teaching Honor Through Discipline Part 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

Disciplining our children is probably THE most difficult aspect of parenting. It requires so much patience and consistency on our part that it can be totally draining. Let’s admit it there are times that we all take a deep breath and wonder if we’re really doing a good job at this parenting thing.

We all realize that we need to discipline our children, and we all do that differently because our children are different. But in the end we all have the same goal, we want our children to honor and respect us. So how do we discipline our kids in a way that leads them to have honor and respect for us? Check out this video post about teaching honor through discipline.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/90141560/89c702bd49

Take some time to think through the questions you were asked, and look forward to the next email where we’ll discuss some practical tools for making sure your disciplining is getting you the results you want.

Til then,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line-Teaching Honor through Discipline Part 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

We tend to look at someone with a slender, athletic build and think, “They must be really disciplined.” We also know we’re called to discipline our children, so what does discipline really mean anyway?! When we discipline our children we apply appropriate consequences now in a way that helps a child choose correctly in the future. How is this different that punishment? Punishment is repaying someone for something they’ve done wrong. The root of punishment is retribution. This is the opposite of discipline. The root of discipline is love.

In Hebrews 12 we get a beautiful glimpse at how God disciplines us. God’s discipline to us is proof that He loves us. It’s the same with our children. We discipline them because we love them. Take a moment to read Hebrews 12:1-13 now.

http://bible.com/59/heb.12.1-13.esv

So what does disciplining with honor look like? Here are a few practical tools to assure you and I are disciplining with honor:

Set realistic expectations. Know your children well to know what he/she is capable of. Push them to be the best them.
Never threaten. Take a moment to think through consequences before you throw them out there. Only give a consequence that you KNOW you can stand behind.
Don’t discipline in anger. It’s OK to send your child to their room and tell them you need to calm down (or send yourself to your room) before you speak with them regarding their misbehavior.
Be consistent. Don’t dismiss misbehavior one day and punish it the next.
Don’t be afraid of consequences. We live in a world with rules and consequences. For every action there is a consequence. Real discipline teaches this union.
Set limits. Discipline and boundaries illustrate love and safety to our children. Don’t be a pushover parent.
Don’t get caught in the cycle of using words to correct behavior. Children are not miniature adults who understand the heart behind what we do. Employ logical consequences.

Discipline is basically short-term pain for long term gain. It’s not easy to discipline. In fact it takes personal discipline to discipline our children. God has uniquely created our children, and our desire should be to help them become the person God intends. We do that when we discipline with honor!

Thanks!

Children’s Pastor

I grew up in a home with three brothers and there were many times as boys we might have gotten out of control and we might possibly have disobeyed our house rules. When we got in trouble my mom would always immediately step in and give us a consequence. There might also have been times that we three boys may have disrespected our mom and continued to do what we wanted to do. I’ll never forget the first time we crossed that line one too many times and she pulled the ultimate discipline card. Mom pulled the dad card. With determination she sat us down and let us know that dad would handle our punishment when he got home. That move was always a behavior miracle. We all three would immediately become saints for the rest of the day. We knew what was in store for us…a tired dad at the end of a workday was not fun to face.

When I think back on those discipline moments growing up I now realize that the real issue behind getting in trouble was that I was disrespecting my mom. She had warned us, corrected us, helped us, and still I was disrespecting her by selfishly choosing to do what I wanted. That is still the same with every child today. Disrespect is the root of disobedience. This is why when your kids make mistakes it makes you so angry…you feel disrespected. This is why discipline is so difficult for every parent. In the moment our child disobeys we all take it personally and we forget that our goal in discipline is not behavior modification but rather character formation. Our goal when we discipline is to help our children learn to honor others and not just to follow our rules. In the book of Proverbs we discover an incredible thought from a parent named Solomon. I love learning from other parents even when I read the Bible. Solomon said this…

Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

As parents this is a great reminder. God has placed us in this role of mom or dad to direct the path of our kids. This is critical because as humans if we are not directed and challenged we will always choose the selfish path over the right path. Every child needs someone in their life to show them the way. Solomon says to direct children in the way they should go; not the way I think they should go, but in the way God has designed them to go. The “right path.” That right path that we so often forget is the path of honor and respect. Putting other’s needs before our own wants. When it comes to teaching our kids about honor through the way we discipline our primary responsibility is to give our children what they need, not what they want. It takes patience and consistency but pays off over time!

In this month’s online parenting class we want to invite you evaluate how you are doing with this issue of discipline with your kids. Evaluation and self-awareness are important parts of becoming a better parent. Is the way you discipline your child teaching them how to honor others?
When it comes to the topic of discipline we all have opinions because we were all raised in unique homes with parents of our own. We tend to become very defensive when we talk about the topic. We promise this month we will not give you the right or wrong of discipline plans or strategies. Our goal is help you fight for the heart of your child as you discipline them in a way that teaching them honor!

This week we want to ask a few challenging questions…

What frustrates you most when your kids disobey?

When you identify what really frustrates you the most in moments of disobedience then you have a shot of staying in control when your discipline. We all just have to admit it…as parents we get out of control at times. We say things we regret and we don’t act rationally. You have to identify what makes you lose focus of the goal of building character as you discipline.

What are my kids learning from me when I discipline them?

I tend to get angry pretty quickly when trying to discipline my kids. Because of that I can dishonor my kids quickly when I dishonor them and that is the opposite of the goal. Over time I have learned this but it’s really hard to overcome. I have to remind myself over and over the goal is building character and not just obedience. Look at your last discipline moment and evaluate what your kids learned from you?

How are each of my kids different and what do they need from me?

If you are going to teach what honor looks like through the way you discipline then you need to realize that every child is unique. Not every child can be led the same way just like not every one in your work office can be communicated with in the same way. Effective discipline begins with understanding the child. Stop trying to be fair and fight to be effective as a parent.
Have the courage this week to really ask yourselves these hard questions. In a few weeks we will email you part 2 of this online parenting class and help you with some practical Dos and don’ts of disciplining with honor!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-Our goal in discipline isn’t behavior modification, but character formation. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Focus on the Families’ Effective Biblical Discipline HERE (insert link- http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effective_biblical_discipline.aspx) #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-Hebrews 12:6 For the Lord disciplines those he loves. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Our primary responsibility as parents is to give our children what they need, not what they want. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Motive of discipline is love, goal of discipline is character development #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Disciplining with honor involves creating a path for my child to become the person God has created them to be #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8- God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness Heb.12:10-evaluate the WHY behind discipline #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-Family Minute’s Disciplining with Honor (insert link-http://www.familyminute.com/articles/parenting/discipline/disciplining-with-honor/) #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-For a good refresher course on discipline check out Hebrews 12:1-13 #urchurchparentministry

Contract Pack

What is it?

We created a set of great looking and helpful contracts you can offer to the parents you serve.
Each one of these contracts serve as a communication tool to set children and their parent’s up to succeed in some of the major transitions children will go through.

We’ve provided contracts with text and blank templates in case families want to write their own contract.

Included in this Contract Pack:

Cell Phone Contract with Text
Cell Phone Contract Template
Video Game Contract with Text
Video Game Contract Template
Home Alone Contract with Text
Home Alone Contract Template
Technology Contract with Text
Technology Contract Template

How Do I Use it?

Print out these contracts and keep them in your office to give to Parent’s that stop by and visit.
Send parents a link to the contracts using a service like Dropbox.
Create a Parent Seminar around theme of Building Trust and Offering Freedom through Communication. You can offer the contracts as an example of how to do this effectively.

Download Contract Pack.

Ryan Frank

Since Ryan and his wife, Beth, co-founded KidzMatter in September of 2004, Ryan has worn many hats. He has done everything from painting the walls to selling magazine ads to keynote speaking at conferences. Currently his official title is Executive Director of KidzMatter and Vice President of Innovation at Awana. – See more at: KidsMatter

You can also download the audio by right clicking on Download Now and choosing “Save As”
Download Now

Technology

My Child and Technology in the Home

Email 1

Subject line: My Child and Technology in the home

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,

Maybe it was a Super Nintendo, Oregon Trail on the school computer, or immersing yourself in episodes of Full House, but our exposure to technology was vastly different from what our children experience. They’re inundated with technology EVERYWHERE they turn. They even have the ability to carry their technology around with them inside their pocket!

Does that mean we just hand them an Ipod, unlimited Netflix and YouTube access, and an unmonitored TV and allow them to handle technology however they deem fit? This month we want to help you as a parent understand the pros and cons of technology and how to manage it in a way that sets your child up for success.

How do we manage screen time such as TV, movies, video games, etc. with our child, and WHY should we put parameters around their use of technology anyway? This month’s video is going to tackle these questions, plus more from the home side (TV, movies, video games, etc.).

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/86560654/63bc8c27e1

The second email for this month will include ideas for assuring your child’s safety with technology with mobile devices. Be looking for that in your inbox soon!

Your partner,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line: My Child’s Mobile Device

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,

Technology is everywhere! It is neither good nor bad, it’s what we make of it. Most kids today have some sort of mobile device. We want to take some time to figure out how we build boundaries around our child’s use of mobile devices.

Initially we need to address the real question: Do children need boundaries with technology? There are tons of bad things that COULD happen as your child uses his/her mobile device and setting boundaries on those will help protect them. BOUNDARIES GIVE PROTECTION.

In Exodus 16 we read about the Israelites in the wilderness. They’re starving and begin to complain. God miraculously provides manna and quail for them WITH some boundaries. The instructions are that every person is to collect ONLY what they need FOR THAT DAY. However, there are people that decide they want to collect enough for tomorrow too, and the extra gets infested with maggots!

Yes, our kids need boundaries with their mobile devices. We can help provide boundaries a few ways:

Limit time. Many apps and settings will actually monitor your child’s amount of time on their mobile device. Have your child turn in their device at a certain time every evening.
Limit content. Unlimited access to Netflix and YouTube greatly increase your child’s chance of stumbling upon inappropriate content. Both of these apps have safeguards built in that can be set on your child’s mobile device. Surfing the internet via mobile device is a disaster waiting to happen. Take all internet surfing capability OFF of the mobile device OR give them a SAFE browser such as McGruff Safeguard Browser, K9 Protection Browser or AVG Family Safety.
Limit apps. BE SMART about apps, they are not all OK. Many parents allow children to have apps like snap chat-which allows easy access to nude pictures, and Kik Messenger-an anonymous texting app. Know the app your child is requesting. You can check out reviews of apps for kids at commonsensemedia.org and iparent.tv.

The sex talk used to be the awkward talk that parents had to have, and, YES, you still need to have that one. But in today’s society we must have talk with our children about the risks associated with technology. They should know WHY boundaries exist. There are tons of resources out there that provide boundaries for kids’ mobile devices, so take some time to do a little research, and set your child up for technological success!

Thanks!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Every generation of parents has issues they have to face that their parents never had to deal with. One of those issues for this generation of moms and dads is the impact of technology and media on the hearts and minds of their kids. We all have so many questions and our prayer is that this online parenting class gives you a plan of attack when it comes to technology and media.

There’s no way that any parent would every take their child to Times Square in New York city, give them 500 dollars, and leave them for a day to have a good time. We know that idea is absurd but parents all over the word drop their kids off in the world of technology every single day with no boundaries and the entire world a website, movie, or instagram away.

The connection between parenting and technology is crucial because of the role God has given us as parents. It’s simple. It’s our job as parents to pass down our faith, help kids make wise choices, and protect them when they can’t protect themselves.

In the Bible we find a verse where King Solomon is giving advice to his kids and he says in Proverbs 3:7…”Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.”

When it comes to technology our kids feel very confident. Many times they understand how to utilize it better than us as parents. When it comes to technology we have the responsibility of framing how our kids use it and how we can place boundaries that will guard their hearts and minds. Technology in and of itself is neutral, it’s not evil, it’s how we use it that determines it’s value. You as a parent need to process what your family plan is to help your kids use technology well.

You may have heard the statistics but let me remind you of them while you are watching…
Average age of exposure to pornography for boys and girls is 8, often stumbled upon through use of an iPod, tablet, or laptop.

Today’s children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media.

Studies have shown that excessive media use can lead to attention problems, school difficulties, sleep and eating disorders, and obesity.

Today we want to help you process some boundaries you can establish for your family when it comes to screen time at home. You know your kids want to spend time watching TV, YouTube, and Netflix so the first step for parents is to develop a plan for their kids when they are at home. Here are some tips for healthy screen time at home…

Turn the television off during dinnertime and when driving around town in the car. // Establish some natural down times when it comes for tech for the entire family. Start a habit of having conversations when riding around in town , not just watching DVD’s. Also dinner time is a prime opportunity to actually catch up and look your kids in the eyes.

Set a good example for children. // Read together, go outside and ride bikes, play board games, do arts and crafts, or find other non-electronic activities to do together.

Don’t put televisions or computers in bedrooms. // We know this may be hard, but when you place these in public spaces then you provide automatic accountability and access.

Let children earn and appreciate electronic entertainment time. // For example, set a rule for no TV or video games until the weekend, and only after homework, chores and school activities for the week have been completed.
These are all just suggestions and the common bond is that they help you think about your plan when it comes to tech time at home. This month we have provided you with a media contract you can craft as a family. You should get that in an email from your church this month.

Later in the month we will send you session 2 of this month’s online parenting class and help you craft a plan for the mobile side of technology! Thanks for joining us this month and don’t allow technology to intimidate you, just make a plan!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-Take time to develop a plan of attack when it comes to technology and your child #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-commonsensemedia.org Reviews for books, movies, music, and apps #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Projected by 2015 there will be enough smart phones to cover every person on the planet TWICE #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-What are the established “screen free zones” for your family? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-1 Corinthians 10:31-So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-With technology our kids have the world at their fingertips #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Experts recommend parents be very involved in their child’s experience with electronic devices #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-80% of parents don’t know how to monitor their child’s online activity/check out this month’s OPC #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-If your 9 year old knows more about technology than you, do some research, get smart #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Learning by “co-viewing” is recommended when it comes to all things media related with kids #urchurchparentministry

Month 1

Playing the Comparison Game

Overview:

Email 1
Email 2
Video Script
Parent tweets

Email 1Subject line: Playing the Comparison Game

Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

Being a parent is hard work and sometimes we wonder if we are doing a good job? We hear about other families, other people’s kids and it can be easy for doubt to creep in. Comparing ourselves to others is natural and depending on the situation can either make you feel like parent of the year or a total failure. The last thing you want to hear about when you were up all night with your ten month old is how someone else’s two month old is sleeping through the night! Or how about running into that mom who is always perfectly put together when you can’t remember the last time you got a shower?

Comparisons can be harmful to our self esteem and our outlook on how we are managing. It’s easy to fall into this trap. Before we close the blinds and shut ourselves off from all human contact, we have to realize that we all have good and bad days. No one has completely mastered being a parent!

Take some time and check out this month’s video to see how we can deal with those moments we feel like we don’t measure up. Later this month, you will receive some tools to help you when you are playing the comparison game.

Here is the link to the video: https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/90162336/2b9dba9f43

Thanks,

Preschool Minister

Email Two 2

Subject Line: Playing the Comparison Game

Copy/paste the following email:

Parents,

Have you ever had one of those days when you just barely make it out the door? House is a wreck, you haven’t had a shower today and the kids are already fighting. Your parenting self esteem has already taken a hit when you run into that family. You know the one: they look like they just stepped out of the pages of a magazine, kids are behaving perfectly and mom has brought homemade goodies for the kids to share. How do they do it? Why can’t we do that? Why can’t our child excel like theirs? Sometimes you feel like a parenting what-not-to-do.

It is completely normal to compare ourselves and our kids to others. Unfortunately, we often can pick out our own faults and flaws and they seem to be amplified next to those “perfect people”. The truth is that no parent and no child is perfect. Even those seemingly perfect families have their own problems, too. So what can we do when we catch ourself falling into the comparison trap?

Remember that milestone development is relative. Of course you want to make sure that your child’s development is on track, but obsessing over it is not helpful. Don’t let others set the standard for where your child should be. Talk with your child’s pediatrician. If they are comfortable with how your child is growing, you should be too. If you don’t trust your pediatrician, you need to find a new doctor.
Don’t turn parenting into a competition. Being a parent is hard, even on a good day. Why make it even harder by setting unrealistic expectations on yourself and especially on your child? Every family has their own set of issues that they struggle with every day, some just hide it better than others! You never know what someone else may be dealing with behind closed doors.
Realize that comparisons can steal your joy. Why purposely invite any sort of conflict into your life? We should be striving to be joyful and to find joy everyday. Comparisons can lead to envy and jealousy. Proverbs 14:30 states “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Find parent friends who are supportive rather than competitive and be that friend to others.
Be able to admit and own weaknesses, and at the same time recognize and utilize strengths. What is your child good at? Celebrate that and let them know that you are proud of them. Help them to find activities and projects that interest them and that they enjoy. Your child is a unique individual who has things they are good at…do you know what they are or are you too focused on what they cannot do? Apply this to yourself as a parent as well. You may not be the best goodie-baker, but you tell the best stories.

Take a good look at your child. Are they happy, healthy, safe and loved? Congratulations, you are a good parent. Ultimately, these are the things that are important. Enjoy your children for who God created them to be and appreciate the job you have been blessed with as their parent.

Thanks,

Preschool Minister

Video Script

Topic: The Comparison Game

Thank you for joining us at parentministry.net for our first online parenting class for Preschool! We are going to talk about a topic that every parent deals with at some point. This month’s subject is how to handle playing the comparison game with others.

Due to some medical issues, my son suffered from delayed speech. When he was two years old, he was completely nonverbal. We saw doctors, had multiple tests run and began private therapy. The prognosis was good: he would talk, but his speech would be delayed and there was no real timeframe for when it would begin and how it would progress. The good news was that he would talk, but that was sometimes hard to remember. We went through a time that it seemed like we were surrounded by chatterbox children. At preschool, church, the park, everywhere we went, kids were talking up a storm, but our son was silent. He finally began talking at the age of three, but it was a very slow process. We knew we were doing everything we could to help him, but we couldn’t help to wonder if it was enough. It was hard to hear other families able to talk with their kids when we could not.

It is such an easy trap to fall into. Everyday we are in contact with other people. If you are anything like me, your children come up in conversation all the time. We like to check in with each other and brag on our kids! Harmless comments like “Our baby slept through the night at 3 months old!” “Hannah is already potty trained and it only took three days!” “We already have a college fund set up for John!”…who is four by the way, suddenly these comments aren’t so harmless. Now, we are doubting every parental choice we’ve ever made and wondering why our child isn’t like theirs.

Comparisons are so easy to make. They may even seem harmless. We measure progress in any area of life by checking out how we compare. Of course we don’t really think less of our child just because they aren’t just like our friends children! However, playing the comparison game can be harmful for you and your child.

It is natural for us to look for a frame of reference when it comes to raising children. It is such a relief to find parents who are going through the same thing you are. On the flip side, if you find yourself comparing your situation to someone who seems to have it all together or is doing it better than your family, it can be very discouraging. Playing the comparing game puts pressure on yourself as a parent and on your child to perform for the wrong reasons.

We are encouraged to watch for any problems or delays and to get help if we need it. No wonder we are constantly wondering what is “normal”! The truth is that children develop at different rates. We need to be able to celebrate achievements and milestones, regardless of how and when they may happen. They have different strengths, talents and abilities. As parents it is our job to help them develop what is uniquely theirs. Research shows as long as your child is reaching milestones within a normal range, how quickly they reach them has no real bearing on later skills.

Maybe you also compare yourself to that perfect parent. You know the one…they seem to have it all together while you are barely holding on. It can make you feel defeated and drained. Instead, why not focus on what you do well. We all have things we are good at!

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

How wonderful it is to know that God purposely created each of us to be unique and we all know that God doesn’t make mistakes!

Young children believe what they hear. Don’t let your child hear you comparing them. By doing so, you imply that you wish your child was different. Instead we should praise them for what they are doing, regardless of where their skills may fall. Our kids are growing up in a society that tells them who to be and how to act. We want to be able to raise children who are confident in who they are and what they can do. That starts at home by enjoying your child and their abilities.

Later this month be watching out for our next online class email. We will dive into the different areas that we compare our experiences with those of others and how to avoid those traps. We will examine how to celebrate our kids for who they are and what they do.

Weekly tweets from you to the parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1 – Comparisons are made everyday. It is up to us if we let them affect us. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2 – As parents it is our job to help our children develop what is uniquely theirs.
#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3 – Young children believe what they hear. What are you telling your child today?
#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 – Are you celebrating who your child is or trying to change them?#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5 – Surround yourself with parent friends who are supportive rather than competitive.
#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6 – Our kids are growing up in a world telling them who/what to be. Make sure your voice is heard and supportive. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7 – Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Do not let competition steal your joy. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8 – What are your child’s talents? Explore ways to help them develop those skills. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9 – It is natural to look for a frame of reference in raising your child. However, do not let others dictate how you parent. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10 – Celebrate your child, not their achievements. #urchurchparentministry

Fear

Your Child and Fear

Email 1

Subject line: Part 1-Walking your child through FEAR

Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

We all want our children to live life fully. One of the joys of childhood is the innocence that allows them to live with reckless abandon. As our children get a little older they begin to see the “real world.” Accompanying that can be some real fears that take hold in their lives.

How do we as parents help them confront fears, deal with them, and move past them so that they don’t control our child’s mind? Take a look at this video to see an overview of helping your child deal with fear.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/84833565/5efe7b8422

In a couple weeks we’ll be sending out the second installment of this online parenting class where we’ll help you know step by step how to walk your child through conquering fears.

Your partner,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line: Part 2 of walking your child through FEAR

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,

Reoccurring bad dreams, bellyaches before school, anxiety before a new event, and fear of the uncontrollable are some of the ways our kids are dealing with fear. Even if their fear seems a bit illegitimate to us, you can guarantee it’s very REAL to them. So, instead of glossing over their fear, or telling them, “Just don’t worry about it,” we want to walk you through the best way to walk your child through fear, anxiety, and worry.

The best way to deal with fear is to OVERCOME it. Many of the emotions God has given us are from Him. However, fear is NOT one of those. 2 Timothy 1:7 clearly tells us God has NOT given us a spirit of fear. So instead of telling our kiddos, don’t be afraid, here are some great tools for helping them overcome fear:

Acknowledge the fear. Even if their fear seems silly to you, it’s real to them.
Respond to your child’s fear with confidence. Memorize 2 Timothy 1:7. Say it over and over again until you and your child believe it. Children sense anxiety, so if you know they’re feeding off your fears, get yours in check first.
Replace the “stinkin’ thinkin’” with good thoughts. Don’t dwell on the fear (if it’s a bad dream, don’t ask them to describe the dream), this just fuels that anxiety. It’s also not enough to tell them to STOP worrying. They need to REPLACE those thoughts with new ones. So help them figure out what to think about. Replace worry with a verse like the one in 2 Timothy OR Isaiah 41:10.
Help the bad dream pass by thinking of a great vacation memory.
For a child safety is developed through structure. Create routine for your family. Make sure it includes down time for great conversation, especially at night time.

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.”

One of the biggest ways to help kids deal with fear is to create security. Tell them often how much they are loved by you and by God. Perfect love casts out fear. Dwell on the perfect love of God as you help your child understand he/she was NOT created to fear!

Thanks!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Topic: How do I help my child when they are trapped by fear?

Thanks parents for joining us for our online parenting class here at ParentMinistry.Net for Kids! This month we are going to tackle the issue of fear. The question we want to answer is how do I help my child when they are trapped by fear?

Let’s take a minute and go back in time to our childhood days. I know that is a way back for all you parents but I want you to go there with me. Think about fears that you had when you were a kid. Be honest, you had a few of them. You may have been afraid of spending the night with your friends. You may have been afraid of the dark. You may have been afraid of catching a baseball…well maybe that was only me but I am betting you faced a fear. I also know that when you were gripped by fear as a kid it was very real. It may have not made sense to your parents but it was real to you.

When our kids are gripped by fear it becomes a very real issue in our home because fear shapes behavior. Sure, fear flows from the mind of a child but it shapes the choices they make. Because fear resides in the mind of a child it is often hard for mom and dad to know what to do. It also can be very frustrating when the fears of our kids get in they way of our plans.

It’s one thing when fear is of something imaginary but many kids are facing fears of very real issues. Fear from losing someone close to them due to an illness. Fear of how life will be next month because you as a parent are struggling through a difficult divorce. Fear of what will happen at school on Monday because of a bully. Fear from simply watching the news and seeing how dangerous parts of this world can be. These are real fears and they are complicated.

Helping your child process a nagging fear that is influencing their daily life can be a scary issue because we don’t want to make it worse but we live with the tension of wanting to help. When it comes to helping a child that is trapped by fear we have to be willing to walk with the child through the fear and take it seriously. Our attitude through the process allows the child to know we are serious about helping.

The Bible says this…

2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)  7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
God has given us a different kind of spirit and it’s not a spirit of fear. We were not created to live in fear. That means we can overcome our fears by embracing a spirit of power, love and self discipline! We can also help our kids adopt the attitude of an overcomer. Kids can defeat their fears if they choose to confront their fears and as a parent you can help them take that step.

The key to help your child overcome fear is to confront the fear with them. They will need your help. Think about overcoming a fear of roller coasters. If that is going to happen you have to buckle up and ride it. Kids need to confront fears not ignore fears. With your encouragement that can happen.

Here are four reminders as you help your child confront their fears…

Acknowledge the fear.

Don’t make fun of the fear because to them it’s very real. Don’t make them have to hide the fear from you just let them know you understand.

Respond with confidence.

Your response to the fear can either help them have confidence or fuel the fear. Yes you acknowledge the fear but you also need to let them know you are there to help them confront it.

Direct their thinking.

Since fear begins in the mind confrontation comes from helping them change the way they think. Fuel them with the right thoughts as they face their fear.

Be present.

Your child needs to know you will support them as they confront their fear. They need to know you are a safe person they can process this with. Be there for them when they need you.

If you child is being trapped by fear be strong and help them confront it. You can help your child take healthy steps forward. You can’t take away the dear but you can guide them through confronting it.

In our next online parenting class email we will help you process how you can help your child avoid being trapped by many common fears they face!

Weekly tweets from you to the parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-Fear starts in the mind, but shapes behavior. Control your thoughts! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline 2 Tim. 1:7 #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-The key to help your child overcome fear is to confront fear with them #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-Replace the stinkin’ thinkin’ of fear with thoughts from God #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Read a conversation about fear in Exodus 3:10-4:13 between Moses and God #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Rosa Parks-I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.
TWEET #7-Structure creates comfort for kids. How are you creating comfort in your home #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Deut.31:6 Be strong and courageous; don’t be afraid. The Lord your God goes with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-Imagination can feed into fear, guard your child’s imagination by filtering media #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Fears are resolved by overcoming them. Help your child know they’re created to NOT fear #urchurchparentministry