What do I do when my child is struggling at school?

Overview:

1. Email 1
2. Email 2
3. Video Scripts
4. Parent tweets

Video Script

Thanks parents for joining us for our online parenting class here at ParentMinistry.Net for Kids! Today we are going to process this big question we face every 6 to nine weeks of the school year. What do I do if my kid is struggling in school! Even if you have the smartest kid in the universe at some point they are going to struggle and we hope this month we can equip you with a plan!

Grades are a big deal in our culture. We place so much of our hopes and dreams for our kids on the grades they bring home. Why…it’s simple…we want them all to be a doctor or lawyer or really smart professional baseball player and we all have embraced the idea that good grades set people up for success. We all went to school and measured our progress by that grade the teacher gave us so we have accepted it as a natural marker for our kids success. Grade become addicting almost because in some crazy way we fell better about our own parenting when our kids deliver the good news!

So many times our culture associates bad grades with bad kids. We know that’s not true but still the idea freaks us out. We don’t want our child to be lumped into the bad kid category so from early on we push them to make good grades. Sometimes the pushing is not enough and still they come homes with a report card they don’t really want you to see because they know how you will react…you, like me, will over react! After we get done with the shock that our kids are struggling we eventually get to the point where we try to figure out how to fix the problem. Most of us run right to the try harder speech, track their progress closer, or make them do all homework before dinner process. Most of the times it works but what happens when it doesn’t. Don’t worry, we are going to help you this month.

If you find your kid struggling in school the first thing you need to realize is that your kids grade at school is not your grade as a parent! Great parents are parents that help their kids get the best education not always the best grade. If your child is struggling then his is just another chance for you to help bring the best out of your child…that’s what good parents do.

The question we want you to ask today is what is academic success for your child? This is an honest question and the answer is different for every child. Stop comparing your child to other kids. If your child is struggling slow down and set some realistic goals your child can reach. When kids have realistic goals academically when they reach them they will build momentum.

Our goal is simple…we want kids to give their best and every child has a unique best to bring!

The Bible says this…

Colossians 3:17 (NLT) 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
What God wants from our kids is their best. No matter the grade our goal is to help our kids give their best and honor God. Your child’s value will never be able to captured by a grade. They are way more amazing than that!

If our goal is to help our kids do their best then here are three simple steps to help them make forward progress at school…

Ask the right people the right questions.

If your child is struggling make sure you check in with your teachers and your pediatrician to find out if they are really behind. Teachers and doctors are there to help and most are waiting for us to ask for info. Don’t address the issue without the right perspective. Ask the right people the right questions. Listen, don’t take feedback personal, and help your kids find forward motion.

Help them focus.

If your child is struggling at school they are probably not struggling with everything. Celebrate what they are good at and focus effort on where they are struggling! Your child is going to need you to frame the real challenge. Your the parent. Make sure and celebrate what is good and tackle the problem together.

Help them get organized.

Most school problems can be tackled with a little hard work and focused effort. Your child will probably not be able to get organized without your help. Set a schedule and help them focus on what they need help with the most.

Those are just three steps you can take. Take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok and God is going to give you the wisdom to lead your kids through this challenge! In the coming month we will send you another email to help you get some perspective in a culture that places so much emphasis on academic success.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

• TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.
• TWEET #1-The act of facing overwhelming odds, produces greatness and beauty M.Gladwell #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #2-As parents we fight for a great education, not great grades #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #3-Your child has a unique BEST they possess #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #4-A child honors God when they give their best Col. 3:17 #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #5-Celebrate the things your child is good at #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #6- The qualities that appear to give giants their strength are often the sources of great weakness M. Gladwell #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #7- Academic achievement isn’t the measure of success #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #8-2 Cor. 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness #urchurchparentministryTWEET #9-Check out David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell to glean a different perspective on the underdog #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #10- Courage is what you earn when you’ve been through the tough times and discover they aren’t so tough after all M.Gladwell #urchurchparentministry

The Selfish Child: How do I handle my child wanting more?

Overview:

1. Email 1
2. Email 2
3. Video Scripts
4. Parent tweets

Video Script

Topic: What do I do when my child always wants more?

Thanks parents for joining us with this month’s online parenting class here at ParentMinistry.Net for Kids! This month we are asking a question that I bet all of us have had to ask at sometime. What do I do when my child always wants more? What do I do when it seems to never be enough and the demands get bigger and bigger? At the same time how do we avoid turning into those “when I was a kid” speech kind of parents and help our kids discover the profound but hard truth that they will not always be able to get what they want!

I remember when Kozbi my oldest daughter discovered that magical place in WalMart called the toy section. In her little three year old mind those few isles held all the treasures that could bring her joy and happiness. As soon as we walked into the store she wanted to know if we could go “look” at the toys. I was a slow learner so the first few times I gave in and “looking” turned into “I want this daddy” and my no brought tears of sadness and tantrums of despair. Kozbi did not really enjoy learning that her dad was not daddy warbucks with millions in the bank. I had to tell her no. Kozbi is not a preschooler anymore rather a 5th grader and still there are many days she does not like hearing no from her mom and dad.

Our parents called kids who always wanted more by a term we are pretty familiar with. They called these kids spoiled. Problem is that every generation tries to make life better for their kids than what they had it. For our generation spoiled is the new normal because even as parents we always seem to fighting for next new toy. New car, new house, new dress, new job, new vacation…you name it we go after it and our kids have caught on to our obsession. That may not be you but I can promise you that your kids are seeing other kids become addicted to the obsession of more. Kids watch those commercials and believe just like we did with the Sears Catalog that if we could just have that new toy their lives would be perfect.

If your child is stuck always wanting more your temptation will be to just ignore it. You might try to believe that this will go away with age but truth is that an addiction to more really never goes away. Studies show that kids that display tendencies of being spoiled don’t function well in the real world, don’t understand the value of money, don’t see the value of hard work, and struggle with teamwork.

We all want our kids to be people that understand the world does not revolve around them and have a passion to help others in this life. In the Bible God calls his people over and over to slow down, look around, and be thankful. Psalm 138:1 says…

I give you thanks, O Lord , with all my heart; I will sing your praises…
God understood that all of us need to embrace a thankful and not selfish heart in this life. Helping our kids not be addicted to more helps them see value in what they have good in their life.

So where to begin! Here are the big 3 for de-spoiling your child

1. Set limits: ids function better and have a better chance of understanding the importance of being thankful when they have limits. When something is limited we value it more. Chocolate cake is great but eating a whole cake will be disaster. Setting limits for kids shapes their perspective of life. You are the parent so help them have healthy limits with not just food but stuff and fun also. It’s ok to say no.
2. Be consistent: consistency is the key to building trust with your children. Choose what matters to you and be consistent with your kids. Being consistent allows kids to know they can trust you. They actually get to know what you think is important. They will in time value what you value if you are consistent.
3. Provide choices: when you give kids choices you begin to teach them an important life lesson. They will spend the rest of their days on earth making choices. The Rolling Stones were right, you can’t always get what you want! Give them the shot to make choices. We want to teach our kids to choose more of the right things.

Thanks for watching today. In our next Online parenting class email we will help you discover some other practical steps to help your kids break free of their “want-more” addiction!

Weekly tweets from you to the parents:

• TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.
• TWEET #1-One of the biggest ways to combat selfishness is serving-find a place to serve as a family #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #2-Help kids see the needs of others, point out differences, and similarities-God loves us all! #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #3-Yep, they learn it in school, but let’s make sure we’re implementing at home, what’s a need/what’s a want #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #4- Be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Heb.13:5 #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #5-Gratefulness suffocates selfishness. Spend some time telling God thank you! #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #6-Remember to big 3 to DE-spoil your child 1.Set limits 2.Be consistent 3.Provide choices #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #7-Being content is a godly attitude. It’s being sure that God knows your needs and is faithful to you. #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #8-God, help us when we’re tempted to grumble, to get our eyes off what we don’t have to see all we do have #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #9-Thankfulness is essential in our relationship with God, ask your child what he/she is thankful for #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #10-Paul from prison-I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances/we can be too #urchurchparentministry

TALKING WITH MY CHILD ABOUT BULLYING

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Talking With My Child About Bullying

Dear (Insert Parent’s Name Here),

If you stop long enough to think about bullying, you probably have horrifying flashbacks to something you’ve experienced. It’s one thing for us as adults to remember those difficult encounters, but another one entirely different to think about someone picking on your kid.

When our child experiences bullying, we’re ready for the gloves to come off because, let’s face it, nobody messes with MY child! The protector in us comes out, and, at the same time, we also know fighting our children’s battles doesn’t help them in the long run. They need to experience difficulty. So how do we figure out when to step in and when to let them handle it?

Check out this short video (less than four minutes) that will help you begin the dialogue with your child about bullying.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/73132864/6eb00c132f

We’ll follow up next week.

Your partner,

(Insert Leader’s Name)
Children’s Ministry Leader

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Talking With My Child About Bullying

Dear (Insert Parent’s Name Here),

I hope you found our first email about bullying very helpful and evidence that we are on your team. If you didn’t get a chance to read/view the content, make sure to click this link:

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/73132864/6eb00c132f

The BIGGEST help we can be as parents is to develop a plan for dealing with a bully. Dealing with a bully is somewhat progressive in nature, so let’s view these in steps.

STEP 1-Tell the person bullying to STOP and walk away. Saying to them, “Don’t talk to me that way,” and when you walk away, you take away their sense of power.

STEP 2-Confront the bully. Talk through a basic script that your child can use in confronting. “It’s not OK for you to treat me this way, and I won’t let it happen. If you don’t stop, I will tell an adult.”

STEP 3-It’s time to involve an adult. If it’s happening at school, explain the situation to the teacher. If it’s on the bus, speak with the bus driver. If it’s on a sports team, talk with the coach. If it’s a neighbor, speak with the child’s parents.

STEP 4-Next, involve that person’s direct supervisor. If the soccer coach doesn’t stop the bullying, it’s time to involve the league supervisor. If the school teacher isn’t stepping in, it’s time to speak with a principal.

The biggest assurance you can give your child is that God has equipped them to deal with this. 2 Timothy 1:7 says For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

Memorize this verse with your child, so they have the reminder that God has given them the power to deal with a bully.

Your partner,
Children’s Ministry Leader

Video

Video Script

Topic: What do I do when my child is being bullied?

Thanks, parents, for joining us for our online parenting class here at ParentMinistry.Net for Kids! This month we are going to tackle an issue that I am betting is going to bring back some wild memories for some of you. The question that we are going to tackle this month is: What do I do when my child is being bullied?

Think back right now and think about your first bully experience. If you are like me, it is really not hard to remember. My first bully experience came in 7th grade with a guy in several of my classes named Ben. Ben was taller than me, better looking than me, more popular than me, and also used to getting his way. I was new to the school and because I was a class clown I became a target of this guy. For months he made my life pretty miserable. Thinking about what he might do next dominated my thoughts for months until finally, I stood up to him and like most bullies, he backed down.

I was a 7th-grade middle schooler and these few months left a definite mental scar. I was old enough to work through it but think about how your k-5th grader will handle the same situation. What will they do? How will they respond? Will they ask for help? Here is the question most parents want to know…what should we do as mom or dad?

The truth is that when our kids face a bully they feel helpless. If we were honest when our kids face this kind of situation many of us feel those same emotions. We feel alone and wonder why our kids have to face this. The first step to helping your child confront this issue is to realize you are not alone. Research reveals that…

1 out of 4 kids is bullied.

77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically. Cyberbullying statistics are rapidly approaching similar numbers, with 43% experiencing cyberbullying.

1 in 5 students admit to being a bully, or doing some “Bullying.” Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied. 43% of kids fear harassment in the bathroom at school.

As a parent, you are not alone and you can help your child face this with confidence. Yes, it is a challenge but you and your child can face this head-on. One of the key elements to helping your child deal with a bully is helping them have confidence.

The first step to help your child face a bully is to remind them that you will do everything you can to stand with them. They need to know they are not alone! Not only are you with them but this is an amazing chance to remind them that God is with them.

In the Bible, we find a leader named Joshua who was facing the hardest challenge of his life and God told him these words we can help our kids embrace. God told Joshua…

“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

This may be the first time your child has to ask God to give them courage! As a parent, you can help them see that God is with them even in this challenge, what an amazing lesson to pass on to your kids!

The second step to take is to work with your child to develop a game plan to handle the problem. Fighting back is not always the answer but standing strong always is key to facing a bully. Kids can stand strong when they have a plan to follow. The plan may involve talking with a school counselor. It may be a plan for your child to walk away confidently from the bully and tell them to stop. It might be asking some of their friends to watch out for this problem and stand together. You may need to alert some other adults to be on the lookout for what has been happening. Every situation is different but giving your kid a plan will give them the confidence to find a solution.

Remember, this is your moment to show your child how to handle an issue they will face for the rest of their lives. We are all adults and we all know bullies that have grown up and continued to bully. Show your kids the way to stand now so they know what do later when they face it all again.

Later this month be looking for our next online class email where we will help you process clues to watch for when your child might be facing a bully and some steps to help your kid know how to respond to the bully.

Weekly tweets from you to the parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use them consistently to tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

• TWEET #1-Remind your child today that you will always stand up for them and have their back. #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #2- Joshua 1:9-This is my command—be strong and courageous! Don’t be afraid or discouraged. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #3-Accept no one’s definition of you. Allow only God to define you. #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #4- God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.#urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #5-Kids get bullied for being different, that’s the world talking. Encourage UNIQUENESS! #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #6-If you’re child is dealing with a bully, pray for COURAGE! #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #7-Sticks& stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me-NOT TRUE, words matter! #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #8-Words have power, use them wisely #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET # 9-You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and, well, people like you #urchurchparentministry
• TWEET #10-No one deserves to feel worthless, “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another” 1 Thess.5:11 #urchurchparentministry