Category Archives: Kids Parenting Class

Discipline

Discipline Versus Punishment

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Subject Line: Discipline Versus Punishment, Part One

Welcome back!

We’re talking this month about the difference between discipline and punishment, and how the words are often used interchangeably but are quite different.

To review, punishment seeks to control a person’s behavior by fear or retribution, or by inflicting pain to motivate change. Discipline, however, seeks to tie the unwanted behavior to a natural or logical consequence for that behavior. Discipline does not connect a child’s identity to their choices.

The Bible is not silent on the topic of disciplining children. Consider Proverbs 13:24: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (ESV). The word “discipline” in Hebrew means, “to correct,” or “to warn,” or “to instruct.”

In fact, God uses the word “discipline” in Hebrews 12:5–6 to describe God’s instruction or correction of His people. The writer of Hebrews says, “And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” John echoed this in the book of Revelation, saying, “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline” (Revelation 3:19 NIV).

These verses communicate two things. First, discipline, or instruction, is closely tied to love. We can’t separate discipline from love because discipline is proof of love. And second, when we discipline our children in love, we are acting in the image of God who disciplines us. Chip Ingram writes that “Any time you see God operating as a parent in the Bible, take note; if you are the kind of parent to your children that God is to His, you can be assured you are on target with parenting.”

Though it might be difficult to discipline your child sometimes, keep in mind the meaning of the word discipline: to correct and instruct. Correcting your child’s wrong behaving and instructing them in behavior that is good and righteous and pleasing to the Lord is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent.

Consider the honor of stewarding your child’s life for a short time and the eternal value of discipline. I hope the video for this month provides some ideas for helping your child to connect the whole of who they are and how they are created. I’m committed to walking with you as your parent!

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/224801552/73c48bfd2c

Children’s Pastor

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Subject Line: Discipline Versus Punishment, Part 2

So glad to see you again!

God calls parents to discipline their children in love. However, sometimes parents slip into “punishment” mode which connects their misbehavior to their identity, which can have long-term negative effects. On top of that, punishment implies repaying someone with what he or she deserves, the opposite of the gospel.

Genesis 1:27 says, “God created mankind in his own image.” Every child is God’s image-bearer; the goal of parenting is to feed this understanding in a child, rather than punish them in a way that communicates they are the opposite (bad, evil, not good enough, etc.) As a parent, you too are God’s image bearer. Strive to parent in a way that models God’s grace and love to your child.

Here are just a couple of suggestions for ways to discipline your children in a healthy way that does not link their negative behavior to who they are in Christ:

Time-outs: Time-outs are effective modes of discipline, but a tool that must be used in conjunction with other tools. For time outs to be effective, keep them short. Psychologists recommend one minute for each year of your child’s age. Also, eliminate “reinforcers,” such as allowing your child to play during a time out or watch television. Thirdly, use a timer,and if the child leaves a time out too early, restart the timer. Finally, shift to other discipline options if the time-out is ineffective.

Removing privileges: For children 18 months and older, removing things of importance such as toys or playdates works well. However, be careful about making meaningless threats. If you tell a child they will have something taken away for poor behavior, and the child chooses to disobey, don’t go back on your word. Also, increase how long the item is removed according to the child’s age. A few hours might be effective for a three-year-old, but to impact a seven-year-old, you may need to remove the item for a few days.

Logical consequences: The idea here is “the punishment fits the crime.” Look for creative ways to connect the child’s poor behavior to the discipline. For example, if the child was told not to eat his or her red popsicle on the carpet, and chooses to do so anyway, have the child help you clean up the stain.

I’m praying for you and trusting God is meeting you each day as you strive to “train up [your] child in the way he should go” (Psalm 22:6). Press on!

Here on the journey with you!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Discipline Vs. Punishment

Just like the words shame and guilt are very different, so are the words punishment and discipline. In order to better understand how to connect with our children and disciple them the way Christ does us, we need to understand the differences between these two words.

My son puts a very high value on honesty. So much so that he has a very hard time understanding the point of April Fools Day. Why would anyone want to lie to someone? I have no idea why he became so attached at such a young age to this particular value, but he is. He chooses honesty not because if he lies he will get into trouble, but he chooses honesty because he values it personally.

This is the goal as a parent when disciplining our children. We want them to act in accordance with their values. To do this we must parent in such a way that we are intentional about disciplining our children rather than punishing them. Punishment and Discipline although sometimes used interchangeable actually have different goals and outcomes. Punishment seeks to control a person’s behavior by fear and retribution. This may give you the obedience you want in the moment but it does not do anything to change the heart of the child. All a child learns in the context of punishment, is that they were bad for doing it, or even more so, bad for getting caught. Punishments focus on the immediate result wanted, not the hard work of molding our children’s character. One study shows that children, who are punished, actually have less guilt, take less responsibility for their actions and have fewer means inside themselves to control their behavior.

Discipline seeks to tie the unwanted behavior to a natural or logical consequence for that behavior. This teaches the child that they are responsible for their choices. They can alter their behavior and change the outcome. They do not tie their identity to their choices. Parents who discipline rather than punish, reinforce the idea that the child is loveable even if the behavior was unlovable.

We want to teach our children why God wants us to choose differently in regards to sinful behavior. Not because if we choose that behavior we are unlovable but because the behavior itself hurts us. The scriptures say go ye therefore into the nations and make disciples. We first do this at home with discipline. Disciplining our children with consequences for their actions, using kind but firm boundaries, and consistency, will show them they are responsible for the outcomes of their actions. The goal of punishment is to inflict pain in order to have change. Let’s choose the harder path to change when it comes to our children’s characters. Let choose the path of discipline.

One of my counselors told me, “Crystal, you need more tools in your parenting tool belt.” Some of you may be like me and began your parenting journey with only a few options to try and raise responsible and obedient children. Start today to learn more about what it means to disciple rather than punish. It will give your children more tools when they parent and bring a future of discipline rather than shame.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: You are God’s image-bearer, and so is your child. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Two: Parent in love and grace. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Three: Punishment is the antithesis of the gospel. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Four: Healthy discipline reaps eternal rewards. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Five: He who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24). #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Six: Discipline is proof of love. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Seven: Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline (Revelation 3:19).#discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Eight: Discipline is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent. #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Nine: Train up a child in the way of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6). #discplineisgood #loveyourchild

Tweet Ten: We often learn more of God under the rod that strikes us than under the staff that comforts us. – Stephen Charnock #discplineisgood

Shame

Shame Versus Guilt

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Subject Line: Shame Versus Guilt, Part One

We meet again!

This month’s video is Shame Versus Guilt. We’re talking about how guilt is described as “I have done something bad” while shame is the belief that “I am bad.” We discuss how shame doesn’t typically lead to change, while guilt recognizes offense and the desire to rectify that offense.

It is good to know the difference between shame and guilt because both affect the way we parent. In this email, I’ll address the issue of shaming.

Sometimes parents connect shaming and parenting with things like spanking, public scolding, or another discipline. However, there are other ways parents shame their children, and they are often subtle. This can include demeaning your child, or even rolling your eyes at your son or daughter after they have done something of which you don’t approve.

Words like “Why are you acting like a two-year-old?” spoken to a child, especially in front of others, are also a form of shaming. Not only is this parenting pointless, ineffective, and hurtful, it can be terribly destructive. Seeking to change a child’s behavior by making him or her feel shame makes a child feel small and insignificant.

When eight-year-old Jane accidentally hit her sister in the head with her doll from swinging it around her head like a lasso, her mother had had enough. “What are you thinking? Did you think you wouldn’t eventually hit someone when you play with the doll like that?” Jane burst out into tears, ran to her room, and rolled up in a ball on her bed. Jane’s mother communicated to Jane that she had done something idiotic, whether that was her intent or not.

Though Jane shouldn’t have been swinging her doll around, it’s important to remember that there is a difference between shaming and disciplining. Discipline is about correcting and guiding a child toward more appropriate behavior. A candid discussion about the reasons why we don’t swing toys over our heads, especially around younger children, followed by helping the child understand other ways to express feelings or needs, is more in order.

We hope this article will help you consider times you may be shaming your child without realizing it. We hope you benefit from the tips and tools offered both in the video and in the emails.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/224801238/dc2f345e13

Here on the journey with you!

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Shame Versus Guilt, Part 2

Hello again!

This month’s video provided the background for Shame Versus Guilt.

Shaming a child as discipline results in a child who feels bad about him or herself. However, guilting a child is just as destructive. Guilt is a tool adults use to make others feel bad, and unfortunately, too often use as a parenting tactic. Guilt parenting uses psychological means to shape a child’s behavior. A few examples of guilt parenting might include:

• I’m so ashamed of your behavior at Aunt Sue’s last night.
• You should thank me for going to work every day to provide food for the family.

As with shame, most kids can’t differentiate between understanding they did a bad thing, versus believing they are a bad person.

Many psychologists believe using guilt to prod a child into acting how you want them to, or feeling bad about something that already happened, increases the possibility of the child becoming an anxious thinker. Guilt trips might appear to be successful, but they are not benign; they not only produce strong feelings of guilt but also feelings of resentment toward the one trying to manipulate.
And guilt doesn’t fix the problem!

American psychoanalyst Jody Davies often says parents will deal with feelings too painful to hold onto by passing them on to someone else. She calls this a “hot potato” feeling. When we can’t “give” the feeling away, we get angry at whoever is near and seems to be making us feel it. Unfortunately, it is often our children.

Examine your feelings and ask yourself if you have some unrecognized or unresolved feelings of guilt that might be spilling over into how you parent your child. Simply being aware of this possibility may help guard you against guilting your child.

The Bible says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Satan is the master of making us feel guilty, but in Christ, we are free. Why then would we want to place our children under such a heavy yolk?

Please don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions or concerns as you are working through these Online Parenting Classes.

Honored to walk alongside you!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Shame Versus Guilt

One time in 4th grade I brought my diary to school, and instead of listening during a math session, I began to write about how cute the boy behind me was. My teacher, having been annoyed with me, for not paying attention, grabbed my diary and began to read to the whole class, out loud, my professions of love for my fellow class mate. I was mortified. I felt panic, and fear, and humiliation and shame. My heart beat faster, my face turned red and I had an overwhelming sense of how horrible I must be. I felt stupid for bringing my diary to school and also getting caught with it in class. I felt like I was the most ridiculous person ever, and no one would want to befriend someone who would embarrass themselves so grossly.

What I have described to you, are feelings of Shame. We all have them. These are moments in time when we are overcome with painful feelings of self-loathing. Shame has often been associated with guilt but we will see how shame and guilt are very different. I am suggesting to you that it is important to see the differences between these two words in order to help our children, and ourselves, overcome episodes of self-doubt and loathing. These episodes are strong and when affirmed by the people around us can cause great harm. If we as parents can recognize them we will come a long way in becoming emotionally healthy, and leading our children in emotional health.

Shame by dictionary definition is “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous etc., done by oneself or another. Guilt is described as “ a feeling of Responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc. whether real or imagined.” Some have described guilt as the thought “ I have done something bad” and Shame as the thought “ I am bad.”

Shame does not lead to positive change. The feeling is focused on self and disconnection from that which caused the feeling. Shame is internalized and rather than voicing transparently the offense, shame will seek to disconnect from feeling at all, disconnect from people, and hide from the consequences of the incident that caused the shame. For instance, when I was in 4th grade, I wanted to hide under my desk until school was out, and never return to that school again.

Alternately, to feel guilt is to recognize there was an offence and then seek to rectify it. Guilt takes responsibility for a situation and seeks to repair it. Feelings of guilt can lead to healing. You feel remorse about the situation; empathy for the hurt that it may have caused. This actually creates an accountability to change. For instance, I could have felt guilty for not paying attention in class, and recognized the disruption that it caused, and sought to correct that behavior in the future. Although shame and guilt are both evoked by a sense of failure, guilt can move us forward, and the pain of the offense can pass, shame immobilizes us and causes us to want to escape, deny, or blame. Guilt can lead to growth but shame only leads to stagnation. Jesus wants us to confess our guilt but not be defined by it. He asks us to confess our sin, and then accept his forgiveness for it. This allows us to grow and move closer in relationship. God does not want us to be swallowed up in self-loathing but to trust Him and His identity for us. Our relationship with Jesus and His community can lead us out of the stagnant feelings of Shame, and into a repentant walk with Christ.

Now that we know the difference between Shame and Guilt, we can discuss how this affects the way we parent. In the next video, we will discuss How to know if you parent using shame.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Guilt makes a child feel bad about themselves. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Two: Guilting a child may lead to anxious thinking. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Three: There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Four: Satan is the master of guilt. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Five: Shaming is subtle, but destructive. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Six: Shaming makes a child feel small and insignificant. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Seven: Reprimand your child privately; shaming in public has lasting consequences. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Eight: Silent treatment is deadly treatment. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Nine: Jesus has removed your guilt; don’t parent with it. #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Tweet Ten: As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12) #guilt #shame #destructiveparenting

Conflict

Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments

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Subject Line: Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments, Part One

Hi there!

This month’s Online Parenting Class has been focused on handling frustration, anger, and arguments in the home. John 16:33 says, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Tribulation is great trouble or suffering. Though you will have days as a parent when you will feel like indeed you are experiencing great trouble and suffering resulting from your child’s intense moods, Jesus said “take heart” for He has overcome the world. He has overcome the tension in your home! However, you may have to muddle through those difficult times as you raise your child hand in hand with God!

Frustration and anger are common emotions. Parents can help their child learn to manage feelings of frustration that bubble up into burst of anger by trying to master a few tips themselves:

• Let your child know you are on his side. Stress that you love him no matter what. “I don’t love your behavior right now, but I love you.”
• Give your child words to express their anger: “I know you are disappointed (or sad, or frustrated).”
• Acknowledge challenges your child may be experiencing.
• Redirect anger by offering other outlets to express it like jumping on a trampoline or painting.
• Teach persistence. When your child is struggling with something, whether it’s homework, chores, or getting along with a sibling, help him develop strategies for success.
• Nurture “cooling” buttons. Figure out what words or phrases “cool” your child’s frustration or anger, and revert to those first when things heat up rather than bursting out in an angry response yourself. If your child responds to compassion, “I understand how frustrating this is, Joe . . .” or humor, “Yes, this pile of toys looks like that mountain we hiked last week!” go there first.

Most importantly, listen, listen, listen. As parents, we tend to want to speak and fix, rather than hear what is going on in a child’s heart that is making them frustrated. Consider James’ words: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19). Consider memorizing this verse with your child—and having a conversation where both of you will commit to trying to be better listeners.

Help your child to connect this verse when things heat up. The best way to do this is by modeling it yourself. Listen intently, and respond with affirmation.

Dealing with frustration and arguments in the home is not easy, but there is hope! Please don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions or concerns as you are working through these Online Parenting Classes.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200409720/74663a1bf1

Serving you and your family,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments, Part 2

Glad you are back!!

This month we have been discussing how to handle frustration, anger, and arguments in the home. We’ve talked about how this is a topic in the Bible—God is not unaware that people will grow frustrated and angry, and this does not exclude kids.

The best thing a parent can do to help their child deal with frustration is assist them in storing up God’s Word in their hearts which will lead to heart change—and thus behavior change. But what do you do when your child is yelling, slamming doors, or having a complete temper tantrum? In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to know what to do. Simply reminding them of Scripture probably won’t work!

Children must find their own path for dealing with frustration, and as parents, it’s our critical responsibility to help them along the way. Bob Bowen, a national anger management trainer, says that how a parent responds to his child’s anger is how the parent teaches. “When a child sees a parent managing his own frustration and anger, he will learn by example,” Bowen said.

Parents, strive to handle your own emotions first. Your child is watching how you respond to his or her frustration and anger and will pick up cues. Ask God to fill you, the parent, with His love because 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “[Love] is not easily angered.” Love concentrates on the other person—in this case, the child. Though you may be frustrated yourself at the behavior, take a step back and choose to love your child enough to figure out what will help “cool them off” the best.

I am excited for what you have ahead with your child. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” God is walking with you, and will give you peace in the storms when your mind is fixed on Him.

I am walking with you too!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Handling Frustration, Anger, and Arguments

You know, mirrors serve a purpose. We have mirrors all around our house, and we kind of need those sometimes to make sure we’re looking good, you know what I mean? If you think about a mirror, it actually has another purpose for us today, because I want to use that as an analogy to give you a quick parenting tip that maybe, just maybe might help stop some of the yelling in your home. That’s something we all want, right?

Well, if you think of a mirror, maybe if you could think of your child as a mirror. Many times when we have conversations or conflicts with our kids, they mirror the way we are talking to them in our tone. If we’re yelling or not yelling. If we’re frustrated or not frustrated. Our moods. Our non-verbal communication. All of those things sometimes, a lot of kids, different personalities I know, but some of them really mirror and reflect us.

One way that we can cut down on the problems and frustrations and arguments in our home is by making sure that we set the tone in our communication. That we are as gentle as we possibly can. Sometimes it’s easier than others. That we use as little emotion as possible in our communication, so that we can keep everything calm and stay focused on really the issues that we’re trying to discuss. Not all the emotions swirling around those issues. If we come with that kind of tone and with that kind of conversation, a lot of times our kids will follow us and reflect our lead. Think about that the next time you’re having a conversation with your kid. You be a mirror and give them a great example of how to communicate and see if that doesn’t help.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Always be quick to listen. James 1:9. #calmthestorm

Tweet Two: “Cooling” buttons bring the heat down. #calmthestorm

Tweet Three: Respond calmly to a child’s frustration; they are watching. #calmthestorm

Tweet Four: Handle your own emotions first—then your child’s. #calmthestorm

Tweet Five: Children who learn to handle emotions well will handle them better as adults. #calmthestorm

Tweet Six: Stay calm; your children are watching. #calmthestorm

Tweet Seven: Love is not easily angered. 1 Corinthians 13:5. #calmthestorm

Tweet Eight: How a parent responds to his child’s anger is how the parent teaches. #calmthestorm

Tweet Nine: Teach your kids how to deal with frustration by example. #calmthestorm

Tweet Ten: You are not alone in the storms in your home; God is with you. #calmthestorm

Study Habits

Developing Good Study Habits

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Subject Line: Developing Good Study Habits, Part One

Welcome back!

This month’s Online Parenting Class is focused on helping your child develop good study habits. Paul talked about “studying” in 2 Timothy 2:15, reminding us to “Study to show yourself approved by God, a workman who need not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Though Paul was speaking about studying God’s Word, there are principles that can be drawn from this truth that can carry forward into all areas of your child’s life.

However, kids don’t tend to love doing homework or studying, and parents often wrestle with crossing that line of helping to motivate their kids and nagging. Consider the following ideas to avoid homework battles and develop good study habits that will carry with them into adulthood.

First, set some reasonable goals. If your child’s attention runs short, set a timer for, say, twenty minutes. After he or she works for the agreed-upon time, allow them to take a break for five minutes before returning to their studies. Set weekly targets, as well. On a day where your child is not stressed or weighted with other distractions, sit down together and talk about reasonable goals they feel they can meet to set them up for success.

Next, brainstorm an appropriate reward system for completing a week of homework. Together you can create a chart to document progress and meaningful rewards that will motivate your child. Does your child enjoy computer time? Perhaps thirty minutes of computer time would be an agreeable reward. Does he or she like to bake with you? If the child’s goals were met, maybe making cookies with mom is the perfect reward. If your child is social, consider hosting a play date the following week. Make sure to follow through with these rewards—or the whole system will fall apart!

You may even teach your child the verse: “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23). Help them to connect this verse with how hard they have worked—to connect their success with their effort.

I am with you in the journey, and am praying for you and your family. Please don’t hesitate to email me if you have questions or concerns as you are working through these Online Parenting Classes.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200407436/2b84bd5831

Serving you and your family,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Developing Good Study Habits, Part 2

Hello again!

We’ve been talking in this month’s Online Parenting Class about helping your child to develop good study habits.

There are different ways to structure study and homework time, and it will vary depending on your household schedule and your child’s personality and abilities. However, scheduling a routine “work period” for each day of each week, starting from an early age, is important.

Some parents require kids to hunker down and open up their backpacks immediately after school—but this might not work for all (probably most) kids. Keep in mind they’ve been working hard for many hours and a bit of relaxation or play time might be of great benefit. Figure out what works for your child, and then try and be consistent. If it works to do homework from 4:00-5:00 pm every night, make that family “homework” time.

Set aside time on the weekends, too, to finish up studies or projects—which will be likely more of an issue with older children. Help your kids learn to finish their studies in as relaxed a way as possible, rather than at the last minute or late at night.

As your children are exposed to more and more difficult subjects and material, help them learn some effective study strategies. This might include:

• Keeping an agenda with the date the assignment is due
• Breaking up larger projects with “mini-deadlines” to avoid last-minute panic trying to get the assignment done
• Making flash cards
• Studying for tests well before the actual day of the test
• Organizing study groups
• Learning to take organized notes

I hope this month’s Online Parenting Class has given you some tools to help with developing good study habits in your kids. We understand how difficult parenting is, and are ready with resources and advice when you need it. We are praying for you!

Together in Him,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Developing Good Study Habits

Remember the days before “Google”, when you had to go find out the answers to questions in a book? Maybe you would even had to ask your mom to drive you to the library? You would go inside, talk to a real live person and they would walk you over to cabinet of little cards with all the names of the books on them. You would then have to go find that book, then look up the information you were seeking… all while fighting off a dinosaur? Okay maybe not that far back, but you get the idea.

Our children are born into a world where the Internet and Google has always been around. Information is easily available to them. A few clicks of a mouse inside their home, and they can find the answers to a question.

Developing good study habits because of the world our children now know may not seem as important as it once did. The physical effort to go and seek out an answer is not the same, but the mental and spiritual effort still is. Your child still needs to develop good study habits.

Proverbs 1:5 says, ” Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance…” Studying and learning is important not just for academic success but spiritual success, also. II Timothy 2:15 in the Modern English Translation, use the word “Study”, when it says “study to show yourself approved by God, a workman who need not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” There is a connection. Learning to study academically and study spiritually comes from the same good habits.

Here are few study habits you can help your child develop:

1. Get organized and have a plan. Whether it is a younger child or an older child, getting in the habit of organizing their papers, books or supplies will help them focus as they make a plan. Another great habit is making sure your child has all of the the required supplies before they begin. Whether it is a pencil or a calculator, make sure they get in the practice of thinking ahead and having what they need. Finally, together, come up with a checklist or steps to follow for particular assignments or regular work.

2. Find a regular quiet study spot. Get away from distractions and others so they can focus on what they are reading and studying. Help them decide on a regular daily time to make study time. Even as a family come up with a time each day to be a quiet “study time”. Make sure that electronics are off and there is no background noise. Creating a regular time and spot will help your child stay on task and stay focused.

3. Learn active reading and listening. There are 3 keys to developing the habit of being an active reader or listener. First, active reading and listening is about eye contact, continual contact on the speaker or page. Staying focused on the person or the page.

Second is the practice of avoiding interruption and multitasking. Connected to organization and finding a quiet study stop, active reading and listening is making sure your child works to stay on a single, continual task.

Finally, active study habits involve good note taking and questions. As your child reads or studies, teach them to write down thoughts or questions as they have them. This will engage your child’s mind in what is being learned, while also creating helpful reminders afterward.

Developing good study habits now will translate into good independent study habits in college and later good work habits as adults. Take and make the time to help your child to develop these skills now.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: All hard word brings a profit. #effort #success

Tweet Two: Set manageable goals for your kids. #effort #success

Tweet Three: Work together to create weekly study goals. #effort #success

Tweet Four: Fight homework battles by breaking homework into smaller chunks. #effort #success

Tweet Five: Meaningful rewards will help motivate your child. #effort #success

Tweet Six: Work hard, study hard, play hard. #effort #success

Tweet Seven: Success results from reaching set goals. #effort #success

Tweet Eight: Learning good study habits young will impact life as an adult.#effort #success

Tweet Nine: Model good study habits to your child.#effort #success

Tweet Ten: Gratefulness is the secret weapon against bitterness. #effort #success

Money

Money Management and Allowance

Email 1

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Subject Line: Money Management and Allowance, Part One

Glad you are here!

This month we are discussing money management and allowance. We’re talking about how prominent this topic is in the Bible, and because of this, how important it is to teach your children to have a godly perspective about money.

To be able to best teach your kids, it’s important that you have a solid, biblical understanding of money and finances yourself. First, above all, acknowledge that God owns everything. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:7 that everything we have comes from God: “What do you have that you did not receive?” Human beings are but stewards of what God has given.

When introducing money management to your kids, teach them this truth. Then, as you establish ways to help them manage their money, and perhaps initiate an allowance system, this will be what under-girds everything. When children want to buy something that may seem unwise to you, encourage your kids to talk to God about whether it would be a wise way to steward what is ultimately His (knowing that in their minds and heart they may truly believe God would want them to buy that tenth Lego set).

You can also assist your children in understanding the concept of tithing and giving. Acts 20:35 says, “It is more blessed to give than receive.” If you children receive an allowance, help them understand the importance of giving a certain percentage back to the church—but also how much joy giving can bring. Investigate some ministries that might be of interest to your child. Together, design a jar that can sit on the counter that your child can drop money into when they receive their allowance. After the money adds up, help them send that money to a ministry that interests them.

Instilling these habits in your child from a young age will not only carry with them throughout life, but will change their perspective. Instead of thinking about what they want to buy with their money, they will begin to think of how their money is helping someone less fortunate.

I am excited for what you have ahead with your child. Teaching children about managing money wisely is one of the best things you can do for your child.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200411694/ce6054d09f

Partnering in parenting with you,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Money Management and Allowance, Part 2

Thank you for joining me again!

We’ve talked about managing money, tithing and giving, and how important it is to have God’s perspective of money. Let’s now talk about some creative ways to teach your kids, in a practical way, how to do this.

Delayed gratification, giving up today’s desires for future benefits, is a biblical concept. King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived said, “In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has” (Proverbs 21:20).

How can you help your child learn to save—in a fun way?

One fun way to help kids learn money management is to gather five or six plastic, see-through containers with lids and label them with a label-maker or a black Sharpie. Some ideas include: tithing, giving, spending, saving, and sharing. Find containers that stack well, so the footprint they take up is small.

Engage younger children by letting them decorate each container with stickers. You can use color-coded stickers for children who cannot yet read—then you can direct a child to “get some money out of the pink tithing jar!” Depending on the age of your child, you can have them help divide their allowance up into each jar.

Once their “saving” jar gets too full, you can bring your child into the bank with you and open up a children’s savings account. Every time the savings jar becomes too full, take a “field trip” to the bank. Let them see how much money they are saving! Give them ideas for what they can save for—a car, or college.

There are also Apps available for your smartphone. P2K Money and Kids Money are great, free options. Each teach the child about saving and planning for long-term purchases. They help children keep track of income like allowance or payments for doing chores.

Kids love money, and they love buying things with money. The trick is to help them understand the wise way to handle the money they have. I am praying for you and your family as you venture into this fun area of money management. And it can be fun! Use your creativity.

Trusting God with you,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Money Management and Allowance

Do you know the Bible speaks about money and related topics close to 2,000 times? The Bible talks about greed, tithing, contentment, hard work, stewardship and the list goes on. All throughout scripture we are taught to have a Godly perspective on money. It is why it is never too early to begin to teach our children about money.

Allowance is an amazing way to begin to engage your children in an understanding money, work and stewardship. While you love to freely give and provide for your child, it is important to begin to connect what you provide with the God the provider. It is also important to connect the things you have and give to being earned.

Here are a few tools and ideas to help you in the process of teaching your children about money management through allowance.

1. Chore Chart. While this is not a new concept, it continues to be a wise one when connecting each chore to a monetary amount. Chores, of course, need to be age and ability appropriate. The monetary amounts also should be assigned based on the age and ability with in your family. Your 5 year old pick up their toys 3 times this week might earn him 75 cents, while your 9 year old child doing the same chore might make a more.

Chore charts work great as a payroll time sheet of sorts, as your children can track their earnings throughout the week. It is a great visual to connect work to earnings.

2. Mini Home Bank Account. When your children get older, pre-paid debit cards or even opening a bank account are a great idea to teach savings and spending. When your children are young consider making your own “mini home bank account”. Instead of handing your child the money outright put it into their own home “bank account”, where they can have a saving account, checking account, and tithing account.

Start off by letting your child know that 10% of each week’s earnings will go into their “tithing account”, which they can withdraw before you leave for church each week. Second, have them think of something big they would like to save up for and decide how much of each week’s earnings they want to put in the saving account toward that item. The remaining money can go into their checking account to be spent immediately. Consider even having them create their own checks to write out to make withdrawals or pay you back for items you purchase when you are out at the store. Help them create a checkbook or way to keep track of their accounts. It is a simple and fun way to get them ready for paying bills and accounting later.

3. Reverse Allowance. Another creative way to put a new spin on allowance is “reverse allowance”. Reverse allowance is giving your child the full amount of their allowance at the beginning of each week. A suggestion, depending on the amount or the value attached to each chore, is to give it to them it in quarters.

Your child cannot spend or deposit the money until the end of the week. They must hold onto it for the week and be responsible not to lose it. The real teaching piece of reverse allowance is when your child does not do their chore. When your child does not do their chore or does it incorrectly, they have to give you back the amount of money. If they miss fixing your bed, they have to bring you the money attached to that chore for the day.

Whatever you choose to do to begin to teach your kids about money management, do not wait. Take the opportunities to talk in your home about something that God Himself talked about a lot on as well.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: It is more blessed to give than to receive. – Acts 20:35 #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Two: Are you teaching your kids godly money management? #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Three: God owns everything; we are simply stewards of what is His. #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Four: Do you have a godly perspective of money management? #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Five: Value others above yourselves. #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Six: Let your spending reflect your beliefs. #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Seven: Kids learn what they see. How are your money habits? #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Eight: Earning money is a learned behavior. #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Nine: Combat greed with giving. #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Tweet Ten: Are your kids on the payroll? #moneymanagement #giving #joy

Media

Conversations Through TV Shows and Movies

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Subject Line: Conversations Through TV Shows and Movies, Part One

Hi there!

This month’s video is on prompting conversations through TV shows and movies!

Television shows and movies are just two media that kids watch. Beyond that, network and cable television, DVDs, and online streaming providers increase access to media for your kids. This is the world they live in, and it’s likely not going to magically disappear. Rather than fearing what they could be exposed to, commit to teaching and training your child in the why—why it’s important to learn what is okay to watch and what isn’t.

Bob Waliszewski, the author of the book Plugged-In Parenting, offers a few ideas for parents who wish to take a proactive approach to the media.

Waliszewski suggests having an honest and ongoing discussion with your child about the importance of protecting their minds—he suggests having that conversation two times per year.

In that conversation, you can talk about how the Bible encourages people who follow Jesus to guard their minds and hearts. Proverbs 4:23 says, “More than anything you guard, protect your mind, for life flows from it” and Jesus taught in Matthew 15:19 that “out of the heart come evil thoughts . . .”

Help your child to understand that the things we put in our mind—words, images, ideas—drop down to our hearts. What comes out of our hearts reflects this. If we fill our minds with good things, what comes out is good. If we fill our minds with bad things, what comes out will likely be bad.

Brainstorm ways that as a family you can make decisions about what is okay to watch and what isn’t. You may have to steer your child toward what this “looks” like. Violence, language, and even how characters respect parents in a show could be standards for what is okay or not. Of course, you’ll have to adjust these standards as your child grows and matures.

The goal is to raise children that will begin to sense that conviction in their souls when they aren’t with you—and make good and wise decisions on their own that carry in to their teenage years and adulthood.

A ten-year review of research on the impact of media on children and adolescents revealed children learn behaviors and have their value systems shaped by the media (Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry). Rather than letting the media be what shapes their value systems, commit to making your home what shapes their value systems.

I’m praying for you and your family. We are in this together!

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/206402355/002158ccb9

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Conversations Through TV Shows and Movies, Part 2

Glad to see you again!

We’ve been discussing how to incorporate God-focused and healthy conversations with your kids through TV shows and the movies. This is a tough topic, but one that surrounds your kids.

Though there are many negative consequences from the media, not all television shows or movies are bad. Rather than seeing the TV as the devil, look for ways to use what is already in your child’s world for good. Here are a few tips for talking with your kids about media—whether on TV, in the movie theater, on their computer or on their phone.

Ask questions. When a show comes on that is questionable or that communicates something you disagree with, rather than telling your kids why you think it’s wrong and shutting the TV off, ask them what they think. Jesus was a great question-asker! Ask your child, “What do you think of how that kid talked to his sister?” or “That scene was pretty violent. How did it make you feel inside? Should we consider no longer watching that show as a family?”

Explore media together. Children should be encouraged to criticize and analyze what they see in the media. Parents can help children differentiate between fantasy and reality, especially when it comes to sex and violence. When a show is excellent, steer your child toward seeing why: Was the storyline powerful? Did the actors do a good job? Was the movie good without violent scenes or bad language? Would adding those things have made the show any better? If the show had themes you don’t agree with, ask your child what they think.

Agree on shows. Involve your child in creating a list of shows that are okay for the family to watch, but also have them make those decisions because they understand why.

Rather than saying “no” to shows, always go back to God’s best. This will answer the “why.” Explain how God knows better than even moms and dads how our minds operate. The Bible gives instruction on keeping our hearts and minds pure, so God must have a pretty good reason for not wanting us to fill our minds with bad images. Teach your child that being careful about what they watch is ultimately an act of trust—believing God for what He knows is best.

Standing firm together with you,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Conversations Through TV Shows and Movies

Children 2 years old to 11 years old spend about 3-4 hours of screen time a day. Do the math and you realize our children a spending close to full day…24 hours a week watching TV shows and movies. We use the term “TV Shows” because that is what we used to call it when we were kids. Realistically, much of what children are watching is not coming out of the big thing in our family’s living room anymore. Kids are watching on phones, tablets, and computers as well.

There is a conversation in our children’s lives besides the ones with parents, family members, teachers, and at church. It is a conversation without your voice in it. Your children are hearing, seeing, and believing things through the TV shows and movies they are watching. It is time for you as a parent to jump in and join that conversation. Here is how…

1. Interview and Co-View. Ask to be invited to watch with your child and then continue to ask questions. Trade up being a “watch dog” for being a “watcher”. Stop glancing over your child’s shoulder and sit down with them to watch. Take the time to find out the characters and story line. Interview your child after about what they like about the characters. Ask them some questions about the story and things that happened. If you see something that might not match up with how a Christian should act, talk about it.

Interviewing and co-viewing together will open all kinds of conversations connected to what your child is watching and beyond. Looking for teaching moments, even in the negative things, opens some amazing doors if you choose to interact before you react.

2. Interaction and Reaction. Great conversations have two or more people speaking. Interacting with your child is not preaching, it is teaching. Engaging together in watching shows and movies give you teaching moments.

Too often, parents walk in to a room just in time to hear or see something that may be inappropriate, and immediately react. While there are definitely times for quick action, do not let your reaction cause you to miss important interaction.

If you are viewing something together and something inappropriate comes on, calmly turn it off and talk. Interact, asking your child why they think you needed to turn it off. Have a time talking back and forth about what you believe or what the Bible has to say about something you saw or heard. Make sure to process well, so next time your child might be the one that makes the choice for them selves to hit the off button.

Media is everywhere. There are times when you are not going to be around. Taking the opportunities to co-view, interview and interact before you react will prepare your children for those times.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Your home can be what shapes a child’s value systems. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Two: Shrewd as snakes, innocent as doves. – Matthew 10:16 #protectkidsminds

Tweet Three: Train children to set their own standards for appropriate media. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Four: Take a proactive approach to the media. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Five: Not all media is bad; train kids to discern for themselves. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Six: Teach kids to watch TV and movies with a critical eye. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Seven: Protect your mind. – Proverbs 4:23 #protectkidsminds

Tweet Eight: Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely . . . think about those things. – Philippians 4:8 #protectkidsminds

Tweet Nine: The media is not the enemy . . . Satan is. Fight back. #protectkidsminds

Tweet Ten: Trust God to help you guide your children and what they watch. #protectkidsminds

Respect

Manners, Politeness, and Respect

Email 1

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Subject Line: Manners, Politeness, and Respect, Part One

Hello! So glad you are back!

As Christian parents, I’m sure one of your goals is to raise children who look different than the world—to stand out in this dark culture and behave in a way that honors God. But it’s tough! The world is a dark place, and kids are surrounded by many things that influence them otherwise. Your work is cut out for you.

We are here to help. This month’s Online Parenting Class video is about manners, politeness and respect. Let’s focus on one of those characteristics today: respect. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines respect as, “high or special regard,” or “an act of giving particular attention or consideration.” Basically, when we teach our children to respect others, we are teaching them to consider them as esteemed or important.

The apostle Paul said, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” in Philippians 2:3. The best model we have for one who respected others by valuing them more than Himself is Jesus—who went to the cross for us.

As a parent, it’s your job to teach respect to your kids when they are young. Here is a fun idea for how to help your child understand what respect “looks” like. Create a chart titled “What Respect Looks Like.” Divide it up into two columns, and then break the columns up into four rows. Label each box in the first column: in the classroom, on the playground, at home, and in my community.

Then, brainstorm what respect looks like for each of those places. Here are some examples:

In the classroom – Sitting still, raising my hand before speaking, following rules, being nice, listening to the teacher and other students, cleaning up after myself

On the playground – Being helpful, playing fair, playing by the rules, not being a bully, being aware of the little ones, listening to the playground monitor

At home – Listening to my parents or family members who are older, doing chores, keeping my room clean, taking care of my pets, obeying my parents, talking quietly

In my community – Not littering, obeying authority, keeping the front yard clean, saying hello to neighbors, thanking policemen and firemen

This is just one of many ways to teach respect. When you witness your child respecting you and others, make sure to acknowledge that you took notice. It will build them up and reinforce what respect “looks” like.

I’m praying for you and trusting God is meeting you each day as you strive to “train up [your] child in the way he should go” (Psalm 22:6). Press on!

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200413504/bd2310ab3e

Your partner in parenting,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Manners, Politeness, and Respect, Part 2

Hi there!

Children are a work in progress. Their behavior at two years old will be completely different at four. And their behavior at seven years old is light years away from where they will be at twelve! They must learn what is appropriate behavior . . . and what isn’t. It’s not something they will inherently know.

We are talking about manners, politeness, and respect in this month’s Online Parenting Class video. The best advice I can give you for teaching your child manners, politeness, and respect is to model it yourself. Show your child what unselfish, polite, and respectful living looks like. Treat others with kindness, share what you have, be generous, honor guests in the home, open doors for others, and speak well of people. Above all, love others because God loves you. When you live a life of integrity yourself, you will be worthy of your child’s respect.

Then, when you work on the details of helping your child act out these character qualities in real life, it will be from a solid foundation. Teach your kids that all people have value because they matter to God. Every man, woman, and child regardless of gender, religion, ethnicity, or cultural background is made in God’s image. God loves all people, and thus, so should we. If every person has value to God, then they should be treated as such.

But there are practical ways to teach your kids manners, politeness, and respect. Teach kids to address adults with titles and last names. Teach them to stand when introduced to an adult, and to respond when an adult speaks to them and look them in the eye. Teach your child that you offer their seat up to an adult—and especially to pregnant women! When they make a mistake, teach them to apologize quickly and ask for forgiveness if necessary. Teach them not to use disrespectful words or a rude tone when speaking to others. Listen, never demean or embarrass another human being, and don’t damage other people’s material possessions.

Press on in your work in parenting, and never give up in the quest to teach your kids manners, politeness, and respect. It will go well with them if you do!

My prayer for you is that you do not feel alone in your parenting. I’m available if you have questions or need support as you continue on this journey of parenting—a high calling from God!

Standing firm with you,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Manners, Politeness, and Respect

You know that child. We all do! The one you see at the store, or even at church, being complete rude. Maybe they have cut in line in front of someone else, seeming to have no manners. You watch in disgust as they pick their nose. You just about lose it when you hear them turn to their parent and disrespectfully demand something they want.

Manners, politeness, and basic respect are quickly fading, it would seem, in our world. The common courtesies that were part of our upbringing, for some reason, are just not making the cut on the list of things that children are learning. It does not have to be something from the past. It is not old fashion to teach our children simple culturally appropriate “dos” and “don’t’s”. Even more so, as Christian parents, seeking to raise kids that stand out in our culture. A simple way to stand apart in our world is helping our kids to act in ways that are honorable to you, themselves, and others.

1. Manners. Parents Magazine offers a list of 25 different manners children should know. They are some simple rules of how to act that your children should know. Here are a few from the list:

– The old standbys of saying “please”, “thank you” and “excuse” me.
– Not talking about other’s appearances and your opinions of them.
– Looking a person in the eyes when speaking to them, while speaking up and talking clearly.
– Knocking on a door before entering a room or home.

The list goes on, and you can think back, I am sure, about some of the basic manners you might have been taught growing up. Children, even young children, can begin to learn simple manners. Take the time and effort to introduce them early on. Talk about them, and for school age children, have them think through the reasons why these are polite.

2. Politeness. Politeness takes manners to the next level, giving some understanding to the action of manners. Politeness is something we can connect to the Biblical concepts of “honor” and “courtesy”. Titus 3:2 in the English Standard Version says “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.”

Teaching children manners and politeness is something you teach your children because you want them to be honoring, courteous, and loving to others around them. Even simple things like covering a sneeze or holding a door open for someone is a physical way for your children to be respectful to others.

3. Politeness also teaches your children the Biblical ideas of humbleness and service. Romans 12:3 speaks to us about “not thinking too highly of ourselves.” You need to be teaching your children through the practice of manners and politeness the very important concept of respect.

4. Respect. You want your kids to be respectful to you. You want them to listen and do what you ask them. Respect, however, is not exclusive to just the relationship and response your children have with you. If your children are going to be respectful to others and in your family, they need to also learn how to be respectful everywhere and to everyone. I Peter 2:17, says it like this for us, “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, …”

This is the time, during the childhood years, to learn how to honor and respect God through being honorable and respectful to others. It happens culturally through children having good manners and acting politely.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Children are a work in progress. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Two: Teach respect by modeling respect. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Three: All people have value to God. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Four: Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. – Ephesians 4:30 #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Five: God, others, me. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Six: Value others above yourselves. – Philippians 2:3 #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Seven: Hold others in high regard. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Eight: Teach manners, politeness, and respect to your child. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Nine: Teach children to live a life that is worthy of respect. #liftothersup #humility

Tweet Ten: Respect = loving others as God loves them. #liftothersup #humility

Responsibility

Helping Around the House

Email 1

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Subject Line: Helping Around the House, Part One

Hello there!

Though the end-goal is raising children who become mature, responsible adults, training children in the area of helping around the house isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it can be downright awful! Children will do almost anything to get out of chores. Often kids spend more time arguing about their chores than actually doing them. Some parents throw their hands up in the air and, to alleviate the tension, end up doing the chores themselves.

Ultimately, the chore is not the issue—it’s what you are training your children for. Yes, it’s often easier to run your child’s socks upstairs and put them away, or pick up the toys in the family room. But as the parent you are not only teaching responsibility but what it means to be part of something—in this case, a family. However, the longer-term goal is to teach them the importance of working together to accomplish something bigger than themselves.

Perhaps a simple shift in attitude will help create an atmosphere in the home where kids want to help with chores.

Chores teach what it means to be part of a team. One father tells his children, “We are part of a Team-Smith. We all have to work together, or the family won’t win the game!” Rather than communicating to the child he or she has to do what mom or dad says just because, strive to instill a team spirit in the home. We all work together because we are a team, and we want to “win the game.”

You can also strive to teach children to work hard, but leave time for fun. This is a value that the child will carry into adult life. Another mom says to her children, “After we work, we get to play!” When kids begin to whine and complain, remind them of something fun coming later in the day or week. When we work together as a family to keep things rolling in the house, it opens up time more time to play.

Finally, when children balk at doing chores, you can lovingly remind them cleaning up their toys is ultimately not to please mom or dad, but God. Teach them Colossians 3:23 which says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

Children are by nature self-focused, and it’s our job as parents to lovingly steer them toward understanding that the earth does not revolve them. Contributing to the family in the area of chores is just one way to help kids understand the big world they live in and how they play an important part in keeping it going.

I encourage you to try to make some simple shifts in the atmosphere of your home regarding chores. I am praying for you that it becomes a joy for the family and not a source of tension.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/200406606/56152b14a0

I’m committed to walking with you as you parent!

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Helping Around the House, Part 2

So glad you are back!

Our video for this month addresses ideas for engaging your children in Helping Around the House. Helping around the house is a simple way to teach your kids to apply godly truths about hard work and responsibility.

Don’t miss out on great discipleship moments by passing off your child’s age or ability as why they can’t do chores. Participating in household tasks is something even very young children can do! However, assigning tasks that are clearly over your child’s head will make chore time terrible for everyone. The following ideas will get you started on age-appropriate chores.
Then it’s your turn to be creative and brainstorm jobs appropriate for your child.

2- and 3-year-olds: Shine the bathroom sink with a towel, carry dishes to the sink, pick up toys, fold washcloths, or tear lettuce for the salad.

4- and 5-year-olds: Sort socks, put away toys, help set the table, carry dishes to the sink, stack magazines, put away dishes, or dust.

6- and 7-year-olds: Take the dog for a walk, empty the dishwasher, prepare lunch, make the bed, weed garden, or rake leaves.

8- and 9-year-olds: Set the table, load the dishwasher, clean the bathroom sink, feed, brush, and bathe the pet, put away laundry, or empty the trash in the bathrooms.

10- and 11-year-olds: Bring in the mail, run the dishwasher, vacuum, fold and put away laundry, take out the garbage, put away dishes.

12- and 13-year-olds: Do laundry and put it away, change sheets, mow the grass, make simple meals, clean the shower and toilet, wash windows, or wash and vacuum the car.

The key to each age and responsibility is to help the child succeed and extend praise. Even very young children want to feel like they did something right and that they were able to contribute to the family and do something “grown up.” Though you may have to re-do some of the tasks, always remember the reason you are having your child help around the house—to help them learn responsibility. Taking responsibility is a normal part of growing up.

I hope this month’s Online Parenting Class has given you some tangible ideas for helping around the house. I am praying for you and your family!

Press on in parenting,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Helping Around the House

We all want to raise children that will someday become responsible and independent adults, right? The Biblical goal of parenting is to disciple our children through their years with us getting them ready to be launched into adulthood. The process is not just a spiritual one, but also one of teaching responsibility.

This does not happen overnight. It starts when children are young. Even toddlers can be taught to clean up their toys. As children get older they certainly should be expected to help around the house. Being responsible adults begins by being taught simple responsibilities during childhood.

If we want to see our children leave our home, to have a home of their home, we need teach them how to take care of the home the live in now. If we pray for our children to have a successful life with a great job, we need to give them little jobs now.

We however fall in to the trap of doing thing for our kids, instead of teaching them to do things for themselves. It is easier and even faster to clean up the mess ourselves. It is more convenient not to have to redo something, instead of letting a child give it their best try.

Here are some ways to begin to allow your young children to help around the house.

1. Think Age Appropriate. Pre-school age children as early as 2 and 3 years old can learn 2-3 step tasks: putting away toys, throwing away trash, or even feeding a pet. Early elementary children can begin to do next level 3-4 step tasks, with a bit more responsibility: making beds, emptying waste cans, and serving themselves by making simple foods like a bowl of cereal. During the mid to late elementary years children can take on bigger and more significant roles helping around the home through doing dishes, cleaning, and helping with meal preparation.

The key to each age and responsibility is feeling successful and receiving praise. Children, even young children, want to feel like they did something right, they were able to contribute and got to do something “grown up”. Taking responsibility is a normal part of growing up.

2. Be Patient and Be Okay with Imperfect. Your schedule is packed and your time is tight, so having to slow down and allow your children to help is actually more of an effort. Waiting on something to be done, instead of quickly doing it yourself is a conscious choice. It is important to know up front to brace yourself for the wait and be patient. Slowing down and letting your children do, is more valuable than rushing to the next thing on your schedule.

The other challenge for you is allow things to be done but your way. Children helping and taking on responsibility means a bit of imperfection in the end result and that is okay. The process is more important than the end result during these years. Your child is learning, so take a breath. If you really have to, re-do it when they are not around.

3. Make it a Life Lesson. Children helping around the house and taking responsibility is a wealth of life lesson waiting to happen. Make sure to not only assign tasks but also apply wisdom. When your child does something right, encourage them. When your child forgets to do something, lovingly remind them and take time to make it a time of instruction.

A child helping around the house is a simple way of applying Godly truths about hard work and responsibility. Don’t miss out on these great discipleship moments.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Create a team atmosphere in your home. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Two: Praise your kids for working together to get jobs done. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Three: The earth does not revolve around your kids. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Four: Work for God with all your heart. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Five: Our family is a team. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Six: Work hard, play hard. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Seven: Teach kids to work for something bigger than themselves. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Eight: We don’t work for human masters. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Nine: Remind your kids of something fun ahead when doing chores. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Tweet Ten: Remember the end goal; train your children up in the way they should go. #teamwork #workhardplayhard

Discipleship

Infusing God into Everyday Life

Email 1

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Subject Line: Infusing God into Everyday Life, Part One

We meet again!

I’m excited about the video for this month’s Online Parenting Class which focuses on Infusing God into Everyday Life. “God sightings” are just one fun way to do this.

The best way to incorporate God into everyday life is, first and foremost, to model it for them. If you talk about God every day, your kids will hear and see that. If you live in awe of Him, they will too. This kind of routine talk involves talking about God and the things He created that your kids may not pay attention to—people, creation, music and animals, for example.

Say you are out on a walk with your kids, and you notice one of those fat black and furry orange caterpillars on the sidewalk, the kind that forms a cocoon and later bursts forth as a new creation—a monarch butterfly! Most parents would stop and point out the caterpillar, let their child pet it or even pick it up, maybe move it to the grass where it won’t get squished by the biker coming up behind you, and move on.

However, you would miss a profound opportunity to make this a “God sighting”! What if you took just one or two minutes to talk about the metamorphosis process—at their level? Start by talking about how beautiful God’s created things are—God planned every piece of fur on that amazing caterpillar! But don’t stop there! You could explain how the caterpillar is completely transformed into a new creature, and that this is what happens to people when they believe in Jesus. They become entirely new inside!

You don’t have to give a dissertation on the science behind a caterpillar’s metamorphosis. Simply bring God into the conversation! Looking for everyday things that can be used as God lessons will help your child to see God in the world around him or her. “God sightings” won’t be a once a week occurrence, but rather a natural way of living.

I’m so glad you are participating in these Online Parenting Classes! It is a joy to be part of your journey as a parent. Be encouraged! Striving to parent in today’s culture is not easy, but committing to learning parenting tools is one of the most productive things you can do in child-rearing. I’m here to be a cheerleader! Don’t hesitate to email me with any questions.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/175386738/47b9b8d503

Serving Him together with you,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: Infusing God into Everyday Life, Part 2

So glad you joined me again!

We’ve been talking about how to incorporate God naturally into your everyday family life. You are your child’s most significant spiritual guide! Don’t miss opportunities to teach about God, without giving a five-minute sermon (that your kids will tune out to, anyway!)

Here are eight additional simple ways to bring Jesus into your child’s daily routine!

1. Pray with your kids before naps, in the car, at meals, and before bedtime.

2. Listen to Bible stories on CD while driving in the car.

3. Use conversation starters at mealtime that direct conversation toward spiritual things. There are numerous resources for conversation starters online.

4. Write the names of people you are praying for on Popsicle sticks and stick them in a jar by their bed. Pull one out before bedtime and pray with your child for that person. Put the Popsicle stick back in the can. The next time that person’s name is drawn, if the prayer has already been answered, thank God with your child.

5. When you need your children to clean up their mess, play a children’s Christian song and make it a game—try to finish cleaning up before the song ends!

6. If you have older children, purchase a God-centered non-fiction book to read together every day.

7. Watch a movie with your child with a spiritual theme; when it’s over, talk about it.

8. Pick a verse a week to memorize as a family.

Infusing God into everyday life involves purposeful parenting. You don’t have to change what you do day to day, but add God conversation, Scripture, and songs into your typical routine. It will make a difference in your child’s posture toward God!

Grateful for you,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

How to Infuse God into Everyday Life

When it comes to spiritually leading your child, one of the first things you’re probably going to think about doing is taking them to church, and by the way, good decision. That’s a great place to go not only for your child to get closer to God and to learn about God’s word and to experience the fellowship of God’s people, that’s a great place for you to get that as well. I want to talk to you a bit about a mistake that we sometimes make. Sometimes we think that as long as we’re blocking out time in our family schedule to go to church we’re good when it comes to developing them spiritually and being that spiritual influence and voice in their lives as their parent. That’s not true. Just driving them to church and being a part of their life at church is not the complete picture.

Just to be honest, when we go to follow Christ we don’t just follow Him just a short of period of time during the week, right? We know this, I know you understand this. I want to give you some ideas on how you can make your relationship with Christ and following God something that you do in your everyday life. Here’s what you can do. I want you to have it in your head that you can infuse God and the things of God and God’s word into everyday life. Each day let’s start small, let’s try to find one moment that something happens in your family’s life where you can just mention out loud something of how that connects to God or God’s word. If you begin to think through those moments and really start to be strategic, you’ll see that church isn’t the only time you could talk and think about God, and actually everyday of life, God is very present.

How are you going to do this? Well, I would like to teach you a term that I call God sightings. When I was a young man I used to play hide and seek with my brother, and we would go through the house, and he would hide and I would walk through with my eyes wide open and huge because I knew he was about to jump out at me. That’s how I think you should walk through your day with your eyes wide open and huge, waiting for God to jump out, whether it be at sunrise or a sunset or a kind word from a stranger or somebody buying you a coffee in the coffee line or some way you see God moving in the world around you. Maybe a scripture that you read that just makes a lot of sense; it connects to your heart. Whatever it is, when you see a God sighting, that’s when you share with your child and with your family, and that’s how you infuse God into everyday life. You don’t just have to do it at church.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Talk about God when you walk, sit and rise. – Deuteronomy 6:7 #purposefulparenting

Tweet Two: Everyday God sightings bring God into the everyday. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Three: Give God a good reputation; talk about God like He is your hero. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Four: The family that prays together stays together. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Five: Guard your home and keep it holy. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Six: Make God the cornerstone of your family’s life; He is the only firm foundation there is. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Seven: Children who read God’s Word with their parents and pray together are more likely to do the same as adults. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Eight: You are Christ’s ambassador to your children. – 2 Corinthians 5:20 #purposefulparenting

Tweet Nine: Bring God into everyday conversation. #purposefulparenting

Tweet Ten: The most meaningless things can turn into the most meaningful conversations about God. #purposefulparenting

Influence

A Third Party

Email 1

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Subject Line: A Third Party, Part One

Hi there!

Have you noticed your child sometimes won’t open up to you but seems to share everything with another family member or even a teacher or Sunday school leader? Sometimes, for whatever reason, kids close up to parents. Our video this month talks about the importance of considering inviting a Third Party into your parenting relationship—someone who can come alongside your child as they move into their tween and teen years who will listen to them and invest in their life.

Mentors are not parents, and they are more than friends. According to Mimi Bullock in her article How to Mentor a Christian Child, mentors are “God-appointed guides that lead children” through different seasons in their life. Children face a different world than their parents with powerful influences—both good and bad. A mentor can help kids find their way through tough times, help them make sense of who they are in the world and be a sounding board. Sometimes parents just can’t fill those roles.

Try not to look at a mentor relationship as failure as a parent. The Bible actually encourages many different mentoring relationships in a person’s life! Proverbs 11:14 reads: “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” The more positive relationships a child has in his or her life, the better.

As always, we pray this Online Parenting Class is helpful for you, the parent. Inviting a third party into your child’s life may be one of your best parenting decisions! I am always here to listen and help where I can.

Press on in your parenting!

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/175386737/2cce6e04a7

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

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Subject Line: A Third Party, Part 2

We’ve been talking this month about considering a mentor relationship for your child. Finding a mentor, however, can be tricky! Seek out insight from leaders at church or trusted friends; they may be able to make suggestions of a Christian college student or young adult with a heart for kids who might jump at the opportunity to pour into a child’s life!

Here are just a couple of suggestions when looking for a mentor.

A mentor must be the same gender. This is a no-brainer. In today’s world, and especially when you are trying to find a young adult or adult person to pour into your child’s life, it’s paramount that you protect your child from any possibility of an inappropriate relationship. In addition to this, same gender mentors will better understand your child and what they might be going through. The Bible alludes to same-gender discipling relationships in 1 Timothy 5:1: “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.”

Mentors should be good listeners. Children need a safe person who will not necessarily try to fix problems but will simply listen. Your child does not need another person to parent them—they need someone who will come alongside them and help them process things out. Choose a mentor who is “quick to listen” and “slow to speak” (James 1:19).

A mentor must be committed. Make sure the person you are considering as a mentor will be deeply committed to the well-being of your child and can be trusted to be available when they say they are. Kids are acutely aware of adults who break promises, and you will want to find a mentor who will be there when they say they will be there.

A mentor should never break confidentiality. Most importantly, a mentor must be committed to confidentially. Breaking confidentiality breaks trust, and your child will pick up on this. Establish ground rules ahead of time, however, for issues that the mentor will need to disclose to you should they arise. If your child expresses anything to their mentor that might impact their safety—abuse, an inappropriate relationship, self-harm or suicidal thoughts, the mentor needs to communicate that to you.

A mentor should be fun! Above all, an ideal mentor will be someone your child will want to be with. Look for someone willing to help your child enjoy life—to play, laugh and be silly. A mentor’s goal should be to encourage the personal and spiritual growth of your child, but also to help them see life as exciting and full of possibilities.

Here on the journey with you!

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

A Third Party

Now I know it’s not perfect, but being the parent of a child a lot of times can be really fun. I mean, let’s be honest, as soon as they get out of those potty training years, and they can actually start to kind of take care of themselves a little bit more. Now, there’s a lot less physical labor because the baby years is physical labor. Let’s be honest, it’s also sleep deprivation. Right? When you got those small little babies. At some point they kind of transfer, and they’re able to take care of themselves, and they’re sleeping more. You’re able to kind of really enjoy them as they view the world, and you can see the world all over again through their eyes as they see things for the first time. Man, it’s awesome to be the parent of a child.

I want to talk to you, in this video, about what’s coming next. You need to think about what’s coming next because it’s significant, and that is the teenage years. I’ve had a lot of parents tell me that in the teenage years, whereas a baby there was physical labor, being a parent of a teenager there’s a lot of emotional labor. You stay up all night, but you’re staying up all night to make sure they come home for their curfew, or wondering where they are when they’re out. Being a parent of teenager, I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you, it’s no easy task. It’s definitely not impossible, and there are ways you can thrive during that experience.

I want to set you up for that success, and there’s something actually that you can do now that’s going to help your experience as a parent of teenager be way, way, way, easier and more powerful. Let me tell you how to do it. Well, what you do is you hire a third party. I’m not saying you pay a third party, but here’s how you can be strategic. Right now, in your child’s life, you can invite in an outside voice. A person that is going to speak into their lives with some kind of mentoring authority that will begin to build a relationship and will commit to going on a journey with your child along with you.

Why in the world would you do that? Why would you invite someone into their lives in that way? Well, because there’s going to come a time as a teenager when the teenager is going to be testing all of their limits and boundaries. They’re going to test your words. That means, at times, they’re going to tune out your words. That means they’re going to need someone else to listen to. If you’ve been strategic in the childhood years. and you’ve invited that third party into the family experience, and they have someone in their lives that they’ve been talking to for a while and they trust that’s saying very similar things as you’ve said, that means that third party during those teenage years can play a really significant role in the process.

I hope you can see that there’s some real strategic things you can do now to help you in your journey later as the parent of a teenager. One of those big ones is inviting in that third party. I hope you’ll take time to think through who could be that kind of person that I would trust enough to be that influential in my child’s life. The truth is, in the end, your child will be better for it.

Texts/Tweets

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Mentors can help your child grow personally and spiritually. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Two: Mentors do not replace parents . . . They come alongside them. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Three: Trust is paramount in a mentoring relationship. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Four: A child will remember a mentoring relationship forever. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Five: Mentors are God-appointed guides for children. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Six: In an abundance of counselors there is safety. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Seven: The more positive relationships a child has in his or her life, the better. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Eight: Great mentors aren’t easy to find, but impossible to forget. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Nine: Look for help along the journey. #youdonthavetoparentalone

Tweet Ten: The best mentors see the best in a child and help to bring that out. #youdonthavetoparentalone