Author Archives: Jeremy Lee

Month 4

Monsters Under the Bed: Understanding Kid Fears

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email

Subject line: Understanding Your Child’s Fear of the Dark

Parents,

Never fails: After an exhausting day at work, you are getting your child ready for bed and gently tucked in. You lean down to kiss his forehead softly and turn away to close the bedroom door. On your way out you flick the switch to his lamp off. Suddenly, there is uncontrollable sobbing and your child’s rapid heartbeat. You stand in the doorway debating whether or not to go back inside and comfort your child or simply close the door and let him cry it out.

But, you must ask yourself, what is he thinking? Is he thinking that he cannot see what is out there and he feels unprotected in the dark? Most children are afraid of the dark on some level – it is a very common fear of the unknown. To combat this fear, try teaching your child how to turn on lights around the house, and add a night-light to his bedroom. Allow your children to control the amount of light they have on when they go to sleep and gradually decrease it over time. Help your child understand darkness by going on a night walk together and discussing all the new and interesting things you can see when it is dark

Take some time to check out this month’s video to see how you can deal with your child’s fear. Later in the month you’ll receive some practical tools for how to prevent some fears and help your child deal with fears when they do take place.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/102090867/95aa561824

Thanks,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email

Subject line: What to do when your child is afraid

Parents,

Everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest adult, experiences anxieties and fears at one time or another. Feeling anxious in a particularly uncomfortable situation never feels very good. However, with children, such feelings are not only normal, they are also necessary. Dealing with anxieties can prepare young children to handle the unsettling experiences and challenging situations of life.

Young children can get spooked by just about anything — the dark, the wind, or even a favorite stuffed animal. Or they seem to sail through a real frightening situation, only to become afraid of something days or weeks later. No matter how scared your child gets, childhood fears are usually nothing to worry about. They are normal emotions that help your children figure out how the world works.

Take a deep breath and try to understand why your child is afraid. Some other ways to handle fears are listed below:

Let your child know that you take their fears seriously.
Give your child truthful information on topics such as death or war, and let them know you are willing to answer any questions.
Encourage your child to confront the object of their fear, such as dogs, one step at a time at their own pace. For example, perhaps start with pictures, then try a very small, gentle dog that is tied up, so the child decides how close to get.
Allow your child some control. For example, if they are afraid of intruders, make shutting and locking their bedroom window one of their night-time responsibilities.
Daily routines and rituals give a child a sense of stability and security, and may ease general anxiety.

There is no doubt about it. Life can be scary at times for children. We cannot keep our children from everything they fear—nor should we even try, but we can help them learn ways to be brave. It is an important step to growing up.

Thanks,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script
Thank you so much for joining us today as we discuss a topic that may be very familiar to some of you out there: understanding your child’s fears. Many of our children’s fears seem mystifying or irrational, but to them the world is full of threats pertaining to the unknown. Most fears fade as children develop, but if your child’s fears persist and totally preoccupy him, he will need your help to overcome them. Now, I am far from being an expert on this issue but I am currently dealing with this situation at home with my child and I am hoping to shed some light on the topic for other parents in my situation.

Two and three year olds are creatures of habit. Any unfamiliar sight or sound, a strange animal getting too close or ear-splitting sirens can send them into a panic. Often, children are afraid of harmless things, such as the vacuum cleaner. The reason: Even though they are aware of their environment, they do not yet understand everything that happens in it. Your child may know that a vacuum cleans up dirt, but is not sure it will not suck him up too! Children’s fears often stem from a scary experience. For example, a child who cried when his birthday balloons popped might become afraid of all balloons.

As parents we often have to become detectives in order to figure out what are child is truly afraid of. If your child cannot or refuses to tell you what is scaring him, look for clues. I remember a time when I could not figure out why my two year old son sometimes panicked when he got dressed until I realized that it happened only when he wore shirts that button. He could not undo buttons yet, so I think he felt trapped in his shirts.

I have put together a few tips that will help your child deal with their fears and eventually overcome them – -real and imaginary:

Try to understand your child’s fear: Young children are still discovering the world that they live in. Their imagination is developing and hence whatever they see/ hear in real life can result in formation of scary mental images. Talk to your child: Talking to your child will definitely make him feel more comfortable. If your child is old enough, let him share his fear with you. Ask him to explain what is it that he is scared of and why? Let him explain how he felt. Show him your concern while he discusses his fear with you. Tell him how you were also scared of several things as a child. This empathy will definitely strengthen your bond with your child as he starts believing that you care and are concerned about his feelings. Give the right message: Don’t send wrong messages to your child by saying things like: “Stop being a Baby”, “Don’t be scared”, “See, your friend is not scared”, etc. This makes the child believe that it is wrong to be scared and he/she will stop sharing his fears with you. Tell your child that it is all right to be afraid. Also, explain that it is OK to share his fear and ask for help. Do not ignore their fear: If your child is scared of a particular relative, caregiver or a neighbor, do not ignore it or force the child to be with them. Instead, speak to your child about it and let him explain what makes that person fearful. Even if you think that the person is unlikely to cause any trouble to the child, ALWAYS give your child some benefit of doubt. Do not force your child to do something that he/ she is scared of: Forcing the child will only worsen their fear. Allow your child to take his/ her own time to adjust and overcome his fears. Support him with all the love and care that you can. Model being brave: Ever heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words?” If you freak out at something, chances are your child will also react in the same manner. Your child believes if something or someone is safe for you, it is safe for him too. Keep children away from fearful characters: A young child cannot differentiate between reality and fantasy. Children do get scared of the fantasy characters that they watch on TV. Turn off the scary TV shows. Offer to walk with the child through the house/room/area that the child associates fear with. Open all the doors, look under the bed – use light to show that nothing is there. If your child is frightened by sounds or shadowy images, discuss what could actually be causing these sounds in a non-judgmental way. Reward brave behavior: It is not easy facing fears. Using rewards can encourage brave behavior. Children respond to praise and encouragement. For example, you can say: “You did it! You played at your friend’s by yourself.” “You did a great job of introducing yourself to the other kids!” and “I’m proud of you for sleeping in your own room.” When your child is facing strong fears, it may be helpful to use specific rewards as motivation to achieve.

Although, helping your child face their fears may be tough at times it is important to understand that fear is essential for survival. It helps us escape dangerous situations. But if your child’s fears keep him from engaging in everyday activities, it may be time to seek help from other parents you trust or professionals. Some children’s fear systems are much more sensitive than others. Anxious children may be trapped in a whirlwind of fearful thoughts, and paralyzed by nagging “what ifs.” According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 13 percent of children are affected by anxiety disorders, which include phobias, panic disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Talk with your pediatrician or school psychologist if your child’s fears are overwhelming you both.

Later this month be on the lookout for the upcoming parenting class email. We will continue focusing on this issue and providing more helpful information.

Weekly tweets from you to parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to
store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Recognize that your child is not trying to make your life miserable or difficult. He or she is simply responding in a very childlike way to something feared. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Remember, fear is sometimes, but not always a rational response. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3- Help your child learn to be brave by rewarding and praising brave behavior. It is much better to reward and encourage your child to be brave than to punish and/or humiliate them for being scared. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4- Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.-1 Peter 5:7 #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Accept that bravery happens over time and be patient. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6- Over time, your child will likely be able to master their fears and possibly even enjoy something they once found threatening. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7- Help your child learn strategies to cope. Breathing and counting exercises often help people calm down and refocus on something besides possible pain and discomfort. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8 -Information about a real threat versus a perceived threat can also be helpful. Distraction can be useful. The main idea here is that focusing our thoughts on one thing prevents us from concentrating all our thoughts on another, i.e., the potential pain or threat. Sometimes children may even have ideas of their own as to what to do, but the key ingredient is to practice, practice, practice, well in advance. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10 #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10 – When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.-Psalm 56:3 #urchurchparentministry

Respect

How do I teach my child to be respectful?

Email 1

Subject line: Instilling RESPECT Part 1Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

We would all agree that today we live in a consumerist society, and, sadly, when it comes to children and parents this can be the case as well. Parents are the givers of parental services and children are consumers. When we act as a consumer only we don’t sense the right to GIVE anything, and in the case of this month’s parenting class, that often includes RESPECT.

We want our children to be respectful towards us, towards their siblings, their friends, their teachers. Actually we expect them to be respectful towards EVERYONE. But how do we move from wanting a respectful child to actually having one? Check out this month’s video to begin the conversation on instilling respect.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/101714863/9dcd51445a

We’ll be in touch later this month with more practical tools on HOW TO instill respect in your child.

Your partner,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line: Instilling Respect Part 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

Respect and honor, honor and respect. These words are used interchangeably in the Bible. We’re called to honor and respect EVERYONE, especially those who have authority over us. At the root of respect is treating others the way we want to be treated, that’s right, the golden rule. It’s not just a concept to talk about, it’s actually in the Bible!

Matthew 7:12 says, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets.” In other words, treat others the way you want to be treated. When we learn to abide by this golden rule we’ll find ourselves respecting those around us.

We know you’re asking for practical tools to make sure you’re helping your child be respectful to others, so here are a few principles to live by to encourage a respectful attitude in your child:

Help your child be a courteous conversationalist, allowing others to talk, listening with eye contact, and not interrupting.
Everywhere you go there are rules, so go over the expectations BEFORE you enter that unique situation. You’ll help set them up to respect those rules.
Develop a language of respect in your home. Keep vocal tone and volume in check and apply consequences when your kids are out of bounds.

Yes, Aretha taught us to spell it: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, but now hopefully, you have some practical tools to teach it. Respect is one of those character traits that will help your child adjust well throughout his or her life. It’s one you’ll appreciate as her parents, his friends will welcome, and her co-workers will value.

Your partner,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me! Thanks to Aretha Franklin we all know that it’s good to get a little RESPECT! It’s great to be respected by friends, by our co-workers, but there is nothing quite as refreshing as feeling respected and honored by our families. Now I am a guy so I am wired to thrive in the middle of respect. Respect fuels me but even if you are a mom watching this, you cherish those times when you feel honored by your kids.

As parents we demand our kids be respectful at school and when at sports practices because other people are watching and we don’t want to be embarrassed. The question this month is how do we back up and begin to place the same emphasis when they are at home. Is it possible for respect to be a natural part of our family’s daily rhythm?

This month in our online parenting class we are going to process together how we instill respect into the daily lives of our children. We hope that as we work on this issue together respect will become a natural part of each of our families as we all learn how to leverage the power of respect. What I have learned is that God really does care about this respect idea and he talked about it when He gave His people the 10 Commandments. As God is helping His people know to not steal and kill each other he drops a commandment in that focuses on the home…

Exodus 20:12 (NLT)
“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

When it comes to instilling respect, as a virtue in the life of our kids, it’s critical to remember that through this simple verse God reminds us that R-E-S-P-E-C-T starts at home. Sure it’s incredible for our kids to treat their teachers with respect but kids learn the value of respect by starting that process at home with how they treat siblings and parents! Did you know that the number one subject searched on Google by teachers is…how to I teach kids respect! As we help our kids live out respect inside the home we are setting them up to live a life of respect outside of home. When we lead kids toward the virtue of respect we are teaching them that people really do matter!

God also reminds us that when we instill respect into our children we set them up for success in life. I don’t know about you but I enjoy being around people who are respectful to others! I lead a large organization and I really like hiring people who honor others as much as they honor themselves. God tagged this commandment with this promise, and it’s a really big deal. As we instill respect as a primary virtue at home we are also setting our children up to thrive in the future!

Instilling respect sounds difficult and we might even attach it to some negative experiences we had growing up where adults demanded respect but never gave respect. To help you process how to move forward with this idea in your home let me give you three practical suggestions that will help gain some forward momentum…
First…

Rest in your calling // Respect flows from confidence in your calling to be your child’s parent. God gave you your kids as a gift and it comes with authority in their life. God made you the parent. We don’t demand respect to make us “feel powerful” but rather with the heart to teach our kids how to treat others. God made you the parent so rest in that calling.

Give respect and get respect // Instilling respect in our kids gains true momentum when we give our kids respect as we call them to respect us and their siblings. As we give respect to our spouse and model that process our children will learn the harmony that flows from the gift of honor. Children learn quickly when respect only goes one way. Don’t allow that to be the story of your home! Give respect as you ask for respect!
Embrace the power of the second chance // My wife taught me this. When you hear disrespect just stop things in your home and remember this powerful statement….I’m sorry but that attitude isn’t cool. Can you try that again? Second chances are automatic teaching moments. Sometimes it may take several second chances but eventually they learn that disrespect is not allowed.

Instilling respect is so critical when your kids are in elementary school because as they enter the teenage years they will naturally pull away. You can’t wait to instill respect when they’re older because their hearts move toward independence. In part two of our online parenting class your children’s ministry will email you more practical ways to instill respect in your home! We are praying for you this month as you lead and invest in your family!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Respect flows from confidence in your calling to be your child’s parent. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Romans 12:10 tells us to outdo one another in showing honor. How is your family living this out? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3- As we help our kids live out respect inside the home we are setting them up to live a life of respect outside of home. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4- When you finish with your children the rest of the world has to live with them, so please teach them respect. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Supreme Court Judge,Clarence Thomas “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6- You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7- As we give respect to our spouse our children will learn the harmony that flows from the gift of honor. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Check out Love and Respect in the Family by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- When we lead kids toward the virtue of respect we are teaching them that people really do matter! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. #urchurchparentministry

Month 3

Potty Training

Email 1

Email 1
Subject Line: All Aboard the Potty Train

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Parents:

All aboard! Ready or not, it may be time for you and your little one to board the potty train! This is one of those milestones that you are either excited about tackling or you are dreading it, but we all have to deal with it. We can’t send them off to Kindergarten in diapers!

It seems that every child expert will give you their take on when is the best time to start potty training and the best way to achieve it. We aren’t claiming to be potty training
experts, but maybe we can help out with some tips and advice. Let’s be honest, when it comes to big parenting jobs, we all need some help sometimes!

Take some time and check out this month’s video on potty training. We will go over some guidelines and help you to make sure you are on the right track. Later this month,
we will go into more detail with some ideas and suggestions to help you on your way.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/99466316/7e131287f0

Thanks,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject Line: All Aboard the Potty Train, Part Two

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,

It seems like just yesterday that you brought your little one home and were buying those tiny newborn diapers. Suddenly your baby is now a toddler and you may be wondering if it is time to begin potty training. How do you know if your child is ready? How do you know if you are ready? This month we are going to help you work your way through potty training!

The first thing you need to decide is if your child is ready or not. It seems these days that parents are trying earlier and earlier to leave diapers behind. However, there is no magic age that children should be potty trained by. This milestone hinges on physical and emotional readiness, not a specific age. Some children are able and show signs of being
ready at 18-24 months and some are three or four before it finally clicks with them.

First, let’s make sure if they are ready or not. Does your child seem interested in the potty/toilet or in wearing underwear? Does a wet or dirty diaper upset them? Do they
tell you they have to go through their words, actions or facial expressions? Are they staying dry for two or more hours during the day? If you answered yes to most of these,
there is a good chance that your child is ready to begin potty training. If the answer is no, you probably need to wait a little while. It’s important to remember that your child cannot be rushed in this task. Every child is different and trying to get them to accomplish something that they aren’t ready for will only make this a negative experience for them and you.

If you have established that your child is ready to begin potty training, where do you begin? First of all, you may need to make sure you have the proper equipment for your
child. Buy a potty chair or seat that attaches to your toilet, or even better, let your child help to pick one out. This ownership can help them become excited about using it. If you don’t want to use a separate potty, make sure you have a stool so your child can easily reach the toilet.

Next, create a routine for your child. Pick a time (after breakfast, before bath or snack) and let them sit on the potty everyday. This helps them understand that this will be a normal part of their routine now. If your child cries or seems scared, you may want to wait a little longer to begin trying but keep the potty visible and talk positively about it. We don’t want this to be scary for them!

Sometimes, demonstration can be the best teaching tool. If you are comfortable with it, allow your child to see when you or an older sibling goes to the bathroom. This is a good
time to talk them through the process to help them understand what you are talking about. This process is a time to be very open and honest with your child so that there is no misunderstandings or confusion for them.

Choose a time that you are going to “begin” potty training. At first, this needs to be your main focus, your main task at that particular time. Encourage your child to sit on the
potty as much as they are willing to. Let them know that it is ok to ask for help with clothes. Don’t put your child in clothes that are hard to get on and off. Avoid zippers and
buttons, they will just be in the way! If you are able, let your child play around the house without a diaper on. It may mean more clean up for you, but it allows them to get to the
potty quickly and get used to the idea of no more diaper. Some parents like the idea of training pants or pull-ups while some would rather go right to underwear. Use whatever
works for you and your child and makes this experience easy and stress-free as possible! Watch your child closely. They will provide you with cues and signs that they are about
to go. You must be involved in this process as much as you can. They won’t do it by themselves! You must be devoted and make sure not to do it half-way. If you aren’t committed to this, they won’t be either.

If your child successfully uses the potty, praise them! This is a huge accomplishment for them! Let them know how proud you are. You may want to incorporate a reward system
for them to provide further incentive to keep up the good work. You can find free charts online or make one of your own. Use stickers or small treats to reward them for a good
job. Use something that is consistent with your parenting style. At the same time, handle accidents gracefully. This is a learning experience for them and you must be patient.
Temporary setbacks are normal. Most kids aren’t going to excel at this right away.

Now that we know what to do, what should we avoid? Don’t be in a hurry to start this process before your child is ready, it will just make it harder and longer. Be very aware
of what else is going on in your life. If you are about to welcome a new baby or move into a new home, you should wait until things calm down and become a little more consistent. Be careful not to add unneeded pressure on your child and be sure not to use punishment if they fail. Don’t scold or shame your child. This could only fuel their resistance or make them afraid to try.

Potty training is one of those milestones that parents dread or postpone. Remember that this is just another occasion that your child will complete as they grow up. It may seem
like it is taking forever and that you aren’t making any progress, but don’t give up! Your child won’t graduate from high school still in diapers! As hard as it can be, stay patient with your child and make this a positive experience for you all.

Thanks,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script
Thank you so much for joining us today as we tackle a topic that as parents we all have to deal with as much as we may dread it: potty training your child. Have you ever had the thought, “If I had a dollar for every diaper I have changed since becoming a parent…”? We’d probably be well into that college account by now. However, now your baby is a toddler and it may be time to consider potty training.

We have our pick of books, websites, friendly advice telling us the best way, how their child did it. The good, the bad and the ugly. But how do you know which way is the right way? The last thing I am is a potty training expert, believe me, I wish I were. We are approaching it in our own house right now with our daughter. This month we would like to give you some helpful tips and guidelines that may help you if you are trying to board the potty train.

The first thing you need to decide is if your child is ready. Many children show interest between 18-24 months, while some are three or older. Some kids just get it really quickly and some struggle for a while. The important thing to remember is that if you start too early and push your child before they are ready, it may take even longer.

Ask yourself these questions about your child:

Do they seem interested in the potty chair or toilet?
Can they understand and follow basic directions?
Do they complain about a wet or dirty diaper?
Does your child tell you through gestures, words or facial expressions when they
have to go?
Are they staying dry for two or more hours during the day?

If you answered yes to most of those questions, there is a really good chance that your child is ready to start potty training. If the answers were mostly no, you may want to wait a little while longer.

Now that you have established that they are ready, what should you do next? Most parents buy a potty chair or a special seat for the toilet. Remember, they are very small and a big toilet may seem intimidating. Let them be part of picking out their potty. It may help their excitement level about this whole process.

Once you have done that, establish a routine with your child. This is going to take work on your part. You can’t be so busy that you hinder their progress. You may want to plan a few days at home so you can create a routine of going to the potty repeatedly without having to worry about traveling or public restrooms. When my husband and I potty trained our son, we set aside a weekend and created a potty training boot camp. We lived potty training that weekend, it’s all we did! I know this can be hard to fit into our busy schedules, but it’s so important. Make sure that
you are committed to this if you want them to be. That being said, be very aware of what is going on in your own life. If you are about to have a baby, go on a trip or move into a new home this probably isn’t the best time to begin.

Be open with your child about what you expect from them. This is completely new. We can’t expect them to know exactly what we want them to do. Don’t be afraid to get honest with your child. If they succeed, be giving with your praise, but be careful about discouragement if they don’t get it right away. This may take more that a weekend for them to catch on. This is one of those times that you are just going to have to be patient.

Potty training definitely isn’t one of the glamorous parts of parenting, but it is one of the areas that we all have to go through. Ask parent friends of yours what worked for them. Read books and articles by the experts and then create a plan that works for your family. There is no one way to potty train. We just want to give you some support and hopefully helpful advice along the way.

Later this month be on the lookout for our next parenting class email. We will go a little deeper into some of these steps and give some suggestions that we hope will help your little one conquer this step in growing up and become fully potty trained.

Weekly tweets from you to parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to
store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

Tweet 1 – Potty training is a huge milestone in your child’s life. Let us help make it a little easier. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 2 – Potty training hinges on physical/emotional readiness, not a specific age. Is your child ready? #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 3 – Approaching big milestones can be stressful. Learning about and anticipating them can make it easier. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 4- If you want your child to be consistent, you must set the example. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 5 – Praise your child for their accomplishment. Growing up is hard work #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 6 – If you want to help your child reach major milestones, you have to be patient.
#urchurchparentministry
Tweet 7 – Your preschooler looks to you as an example. Show them not to give up
when tasks are hard. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 8 – Preschoolers can become easily discouraged. Encourage them to keep trying. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 9 – Your continued support and sensitivity to your child’s needs will encourage their progress. #urchurchparentministry
Tweet 10 – Allow your child to develop at their own rate. Remember, every child is different! #urchurchparentministry

Gratitude

Helping My Child Embrace Gratefulness

Email 1

Subject line: Building Gratefulness in My Child Part 1Copy/Paste the following email:

Parents,

When our children are small we have to prompt them to do everything. Go clean your room, chew with your mouth closed, say thank you. At some point, these things should become automatic. Do you find yourself STILL prompting your child to say thank you? When does that become automatic?

Instilling gratefulness in our children takes work. They are born grateful, they’re born selfish. So how do we teach them gratefulness? How do we help our child embrace gratefulness?

Check out this month’s video on Helping My Child Embrace Gratefulness. Later in the month you’ll receive a second email that will include some additional steps for instilling gratefulness, and we’ll tackle the subject of how using an allowance will help with gratefulness as well.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/99466317/526ad886c4

Your partner,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line: Building Gratefulness in My Child Part 2

Parents,

Gratefulness is an attitude that we choose to have. In reality a grateful heart has NOTHING to do with what we have, material possessions. A grateful heart also isn’t birthed out of positive circumstances in life. Gratefulness is an attitude we possess when we know WHOSE we are.

When you read of Paul and Silas imprisoned in Acts 16, you find out they’d just been severely beaten by a crowd and drug to prison. As they’re in prison that evening we see Paul and Silas doing 2 things; praying and singing hymns. We can learn a lot about gratefulness from the responses of these men. Upon a severe beating and imprisonment, we se them expressing adoration and gratefulness to God. They’re attention wasn’t fixed on their circumstances; it was fixed on God Himself.

So now that we understand that gratefulness isn’t about being thankful for our stuff or our great circumstances, but rather an attitude fixed on God Himself, how do we instill an attitude of gratefulness in our children?

Live in the present. Living in the past keeps us tied to guilt and regret. Living in the future leaves us striving for things that we’re not promised. Live for today.
Make sure when you express gratefulness that isn’t just for things. Be grateful for good attitudes, great friends, kind words, etc.
Develop an understanding of money with an allowance. While instituting an allowance, teach what it means to save, tithe, give and spend.
Expose your children to people from all different walks of life. Help them see what people HAVE doesn’t define WHO they are.

Gratefulness is an attitude of contentment. It’s when WE say I don’t need more from God to follow Him completely. I’ll follow NOW. Our children will learn gratefulness from us when they see it modeled through this type of attitude.

Your partner,

Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Gratefulness is something that we all know is short in our society. In our conquest for better cars, bigger houses, cooler entertainment and the latest and greatest tech gadgets we rarely slow down long enough to look around at all God has blessed us with and express gratitude to God. As adults we are rarely satisfied. Maybe it’s because we want better for our kids and for our future, but we are rarely content. Our kids have picked up on this and it’s often easier to see our lack of gratitude in our children than in our own hearts.

This month in our online parenting class we want to help your child embrace gratefulness. Just a warning before we begin. The topic this month might shape your heart as much as your child’s. That’s ok because as parents we learn from our kids as much as they learn from us. Parenting is nothing more than a great learning lab where we all grow into the people God is calling us to be.

When it comes to helping your kids embrace gratefulness the practice is caught as much as it is taught. You can’t help your kids with being grateful if you are not willing to strive to model it for them. What do I mean when I use the term grateful? Gratitude is displayed when we are able to look around at what we have, who we know, and what has been done for us and express thanks. At the heart of gratitude is the understanding that other people have helped us get where we are. When I’m grateful I let others know how much they matter to me and how blessed I am to have their help in my life.

As parents we want our kids to have grateful hearts and live grateful lives. It’s so good to know that God wants the same thing from each of us. In Psalms 100 we are reminded of what God wants from us when it comes to gratitude…
Psalm 100:4-5 (NLT)

Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.

What is great about this verse for parents and for kids is that every morning we open our eyes we “enter his gates” and we are in “His presence.” What God wants from us and our kids is a simple heart of gratitude for every day that he gives us because God promises his love and faithfulness will endure when all the stuff we fight to hoard is long gone.
What we learn from this verse is that gratitude is a choice. Gratitude is a choice that parents and kids have to choose beyond circumstances. If our kids are going to see this lived out then they need us to model it for them. We need to choose gratitude when they can see it and experience it! What kids watch and experience will be what they will repeat when we are not looking.

How can we model it…I’m glad you asked! Here are a few gratitude moves my wife and I try to make in our home…
Express gratefulness to your spouse or other adults in front of your kids. // When we tell each other as adults how grateful we are for them kids pay attention. Being thanked feels great, so be an adult that is always looking for ways to give that thanks away.

Catch your kids doing well and express how grateful you are. // Did they clean their room, express gratitude! Did your child play hard at soccer, express gratitude that they are a hard worker! Find opportunities to bless your children with thanks.

Help your kids write thank you notes after holidays. // This is a great habit because it teaches kids the power of saying thanks when they receive!

Help your kids serve others. // Kids learn so much about how blessed they are when we take time to serve others. Serve together at church. Serve at a homeless shelter. Serve at Christmas together, and ring the bell for the Salvation army.

Give away stuff as you get stuff. // Help your kids see the joy of giving by actually purging that stuff in your house and give it to other kids who can really be grateful for it!
In a few weeks your children’s ministry will email you part 2 of this online parenting class. In our next session we will walk through some more practical ways we can help gratefulness be a integral part of home life with our children. We are even going to look at some gratitude lessons we can learn from how we use allowance! We want you to know that we are so grateful you took time to be with us and learn how you as a parent can pass down faith to your children!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-A heart of gratitude understands that others helped us get where we are #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Check out the book Smart Money Smart Kids by Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Kids learn how blessed they are when they have the opportunity to SERVE others #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4- Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others-Cicero #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-When it comes to teaching gratefulness to kids, the practice is more caught than taught #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-1 Thess. 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-One way to instill gratefulness, resurrect the practice of thank you note writing #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Gratitude is a choice that sees beyond current circumstances #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining-it bores everybody else, does you no good, & doesn’t solve any problems-Zigler #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-A grateful heart goes beyond saying thanks for stuff, it’s saying thanks to God even when we lack #urchurchparentministry

Month 2

Overcoming Separation Anxiety

Email 1

Email 1
Subject line: Helping my child overcome separation anxiety

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,

Either you’ve already experienced it, you’re in the middle of it, or it’s on the horizon. What is it? Separation Anxiety. Pediatricians help us understand that separation anxiety is so tough on kids because they don’t understand object permanence. A child realizes Mom is gone, and what they think is, “Oh my gosh, MY MOM IS GONE,” like forever gone.

It’s why we play hide and seek or peekaboo with little ones. We want to reinforce the idea that even though you can’t see an object doesn’t mean it’s gone. The fear produced over this misunderstanding is what we call separation anxiety. It creates an anxiety in our children, and much of the time, an anxiety in us as parents.

Take some time to check out this month’s video to see how we can deal with anxiety. Later in the month you’ll receive some practical tools for how to help your child conquer separation anxiety.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/95865874/650be0e74c

Thanks,

Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line: #2 of Helping My Child Overcome Separation Anxiety

Copy/Paste the following email

Parents,
Clinginess and tears are actually a healthy reaction to separation. It shows our child is bonded to us. As a child grows older separation anxiety should lessen. In the meantime how do we deal with it as a parent?

We can’t always be WITH our child, but there is One who is ALWAYS with them. And not only is Jesus always with them, His affection for them is always present. Romans 8:35-39 says,
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So as we REST in the fact that God is always present with our child, and has a constant love for them what can we DO as parents to help a child move past separation anxiety?

Develop a goody-bye ritual. Don’t sneak away when you’re child isn’t looking. This actually leads to more anxiety. Give a kiss on the forehead, say, “I love you. Bye Bye sweetie.”
Be consistent. Your child will become more comfortable with drop off at daycare and/or church as they become more consistent with the environment.
Leave with confidence. If you walk out of the room then turn back around and return to retrieve your child, you are reinforcing the thought that something is wrong. Give the teacher your cell phone # and have them shoot you a quick text in 5 minutes to give you a status update.
Come up with a comfort object. Sometimes sending in a special object from home helps a child transition better.

Separation anxiety is lessened when we as the parent exude confidence and calmness at drop off. Leaving your child will actually help your child in the end, so fight the urge to feel guilty about leaving them. Your job as a parent is to help them become independent, and they can’t do that while clinging to your leg!

Thanks,

Children’s Pastor

Thanks a ton for joining us as we tackle this issue that every preschool parent faces, how do I help my child overcome separation anxiety? Sometimes it’s helpful to know there is safety in numbers, and this is definitely the case with separation anxiety.

Although almost every child will deal with some level of separation anxiety, WHEN this occurs differs from child to child. The common age range for separation anxiety is from 8 months to 2 ½ years of age. Eventually your little one will be able to understand that you’ll come back, and that will be the comfort that carries them through during separation. But what do you do in the mean time? How do you handle the in between that can be months long?

As you drop off your kiddo to daycare, church, or with a sitter, as a parent we know, we should just say our goodbye, give a kiss, then turn around and leave. Those cries we hear at departure time are ones that completely tear at our heart-strings. God gave us our child to keep them safe, so when we hear scared cries that accompany good-byes, we automatically want to run back to take the tears away. So even though separation anxiety is a normal part of preschool development, it can be quite unsettling.

God clearly knows well that each of us will deal with anxiety in some form. There are 66 books of the Bible and in EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM there is some sort of reference for dealing with anxiety. As adults we have the ability to logically discern the potential reality of our worries. A child does not. They only know what exists presently in their mind.

Knowing our child is struggling with separation can feed into our own anxiety. Our child senses our anxiety and that feeds their anxiety, which has the potential to cause a VISCIOUS cycle!

One of the best things we can do is deal with our own anxiousness over the separation. Philippians 4:6 states, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Separation anxiety can be worsened by how we as parents deal with it. As you drop off your little one, cling to this verse from Philippians! Say it to yourself as you turn your back and walk away. Then present your request to God. Ask Him, God please help calm my baby. Help them to realize that I will be back. Keep them safe while away from me.

How a kid handles the separation varies. The emotions of a kid dealing with separation anxiety can range from a timid look with a downcast face all the way to a wailing child who has death gripped themselves around your leg. No matter how your child is fleshing out the emotion of separation anxiety there is something that we can do to help.

Our next online parenting class will take some time to give you practical tools for dealing with separation anxiety in your child. In the meantime realize God wants our anxiety. He tells us to cast our worries on Him because He cares for us.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Romans 8:35, who shall separate us from the love of Christ #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3- Children attempt to avoid separation by testing boundaries, stand firm #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4- A mother who is never apart from her young child may be saying to him or her subliminally-You are only safe when I’m with you #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Attachment is the sense of being loved and being part of the world, healthy attachment is GOOD #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Romans 8:38-39 I am convinced NOTHING can separate us from the love of Christ #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-A secure child isn’t worried internally, but able to focus on truly living in the world around them #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8- Anxiety weighs down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Peace I leave with you-my peace I give you.I don’t give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your hearts be troubled & don’t be afraid #urchurchparentministry

Friendship

Helping Your Child Be a Real Friend

Email 1

Subject Line-Helping Your Child be a Real FriendCopy/Paste the following email

Parents,

We all want our child to be a good friend; someone who is kind, generous, and compassionate toward others. Learning to be a good friend only happens through practice. Our children will learn to be a good friend as they experience real friendship with real people. These interactions can be messy. Our child will hurt others and others will hurt our child, but that reality shouldn’t deter us from helping our child be a great friend.

Research shows that kids with good friendships feel better about themselves, perform better in school, and are better equipped to grow into well adjusted adults. We know there are great benefits to having good friends and being a good friend, but HOW do we help our kids BE a good friend?

Check out this video, and we’ll follow up later in the month with a few more practical suggestions on HOW to help your child be a good friend.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/95865873/b2a992df3a

Your partner,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Subject line-Part 2 of Helping Your Child be a Good Friend

Parents,

Our children have personalities, and maybe you’ve found yourself saying, “My child has a BIG personality!” Expecting all these personalities to mesh harmoniously to produce precious, genuine friendships in childhood is a tall order. But there are steps we can take to help our child be a good friend.

Hopefully since the first email on this subject you’ve done a little detective work; listening in on conversations between your child and their friends, watching them play with others in the backyard, and spying during practices or, even, in their classrooms. You’ve probably heard and seen things that made you cringe, and, more than likely, you also had moments that made you proud.

A good beginning step is to do some coaching AFTER those keen observations. Let your child know what you saw, not in a demeaning way, just what you observed, and let them know a better way they could handle the situation next time. This private coaching time truly will help them be a better friend.

The Bible gives us some incredible insight into the traits of a good friend. These are the traits we want to be developing in our children to help them be the BEST FRIEND they can be:

1. John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”. A good friend is sacrificial. This doesn’t mean they let people walk all over them, but it does mean that sometimes your child plays what the other kid wants instead of what he/she always wants.
2. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Unconditional love is the mark of a good friend, meaning your child is loyal, stays put even through conflict.
3. Proverbs 27:9 “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” Good friends give good advice, wise counsel. This is from the overflow of a heart that seeks God.
4. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Insert Bible link here. True friends strengthen and help one another.

The best thing you can do is talk often with your child about the qualities of a true friend. Pray with them that God would help them be a good friend, and over time you’ll help your child become a friend “who sticks closer than a brother.”

Your partner,

Children’s Pastor

My youngest daughter is in second grade this year and she has just started having friends over to spend the night. We love getting to connect with our daughter’s friends and we also love the chance to watch her interact as a friend. Well, to be quite honest many times we cringe as we listen to our daughter interact with her friends. We try hard not to get involved and coach her after she has had friends over but we have come to the conclusion that kids don’t naturally know how to be a good friend to others. For most of us the art of friendship is a learned skill.

I will never forget a chaotic friendship I had in 2nd grade. Thomas was a cool kid in our class and I wanted to be his friend really badly. In my heart I’m not sure if I wanted to be his friend or I wanted to be cool also, but I did everything I could to be what I thought was a friend to Thomas. I will never forget when Thomas finally asked me to come over and spend the night. I was so excited but when I arrived at his house the next 12 hours was basically the “do what Thomas wanted to do” show. He even got mad and cried at one point. Even as a 2nd grade boy this seemed a little extreme. I learned that night as a kid that this was a guy that really was not a good friend. I also learned that Thomas had parents who basically let him have his way all the time. I never spent the night with Thomas again even though we hung out at school because I did not want to go through that again. I learned that friendship can be pretty messy.

With this month’s online parenting class we want to help you become a friendship coach in the life of your child! When it comes to real friendship we all need coaching. Being a real friend demands that we give away our time and attention to others and we are in the perfect position to help our children become that kind of friend. Being a good friend is different than having a ton of shallow connections. Our hope this month is that we will really lean into our children to help them be true friends to the people that they love the most.

The Bible talks about friendship often. In the book of Romans we even see that when we follow Jesus we are friends of God! In the book of Proverbs we see a powerful example of the kinds of friends we need to coach our kids to be…

Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Right now, as a parent, you can probably already see some destructive “friend habits” swirling around in your child’s life. You might even think back and remember a time when a friendship turned into a destructive force in your life. The kinds of friends that we want our children to be are friends that stick closer than a brother. That’s a close friend. We have to help our children process the difference in being popular and having genuine friendships. Every kid wants to be liked by everyone but those relationships are distant and change over time. Friends love and fight for each others best and we have to help discover what that looks like.

Friendship is a powerful force in the life of every child so let’s make a real effort this month to be a proactive coach in the friendship life of our children. If you are up to the challenge here are three steps you can start working on this week…

Step back to watch and listen…
Identify who are the friends in your child’s life and evaluate how your children are interacting with them. Have a few friends over and stay close during the time there and see how your child is treating their guest. Take them bowling or to get pizza and just watch and listen.

Start coaching by asking questions and giving practical advice from real life moments…
There are some powerful insights you can learn by just asking questions with kids. Why did you say that?

What did that make your feel like?

Has that ever happened before?

After you have asked questions, you have a great opportunity to connect and coach them with a real life lesson you have learned in your own life. Kids love hearing real stories from your life, so go ahead and leverage them.

Connect your child with other children intentionally…
You can help your child connect with other kids they might really connect with! Have a family over for dinner with kids that could become friends with your children. Because kids go to different school and live in different neighborhoods it’s perfectly fine to help them discover friends that will be a great influence in their life.

In the coming weeks we will email you part 2 of this online parenting class and help walk you through more practical ways to help your child be the friend God has called them to be. Friendship is a powerful force in your kid’s life so leverage this month to be the coach they need in the friendship maze!

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- I went out to find a friend, But could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, And friends were everywhere #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-The art of friendship is a learned skill #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3- One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-A great gift-helping your child understand the difference in popularity and genuine friendships #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. Helen Keller #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-How are you helping your child be a friend who sticks closer than a brother? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Starting over? How to make new friends http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/social/make-new-friends/#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times.” Friendship is marked by unconditional love and loyalty. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-When do we walk away from a friend? http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/04/21/when-is-it-time-to-walk-away #urchurchparentminsitry
TWEET #10- “Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, By the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.” – Cicero #urchurchparentministry

5 Things Your Parents Want In Your Ministry (with Chelsea Bayne)

This quick and fun training with Chelsea Bayne will give the 5 Keys that you need to focus on in ministry to kids and youth. Can you guess what they are?

We won’t spoil the surprise! You can just press play below and see if you’re right ?

More about Chelsea Bayne:

Chelsea Bayne is married to Michael and mother to Kozbi and Kelyn, two teenage daughters. Chelsea has over twenty years of ministry experience and is working on her Doctorate in Educational Leadership. She loves counseling in her local school system in Greenville, SC, exploring the mountains Upstate, and all things Enneagram. She is passionate about partnering with pastors and parents to help the next generation fully discover who God has created them to be.

Involving Parents in Ministry (with Kerry Ray)

Kerry Ray is one of the most creative minds in the nation when it comes to creativity in weekly programming. We asked him to create a coaching session for us to give us some his best tips on inviting parents to be a part of the weekly programming. You’ll find a ton of creative ways to plan worship services where parents contribute. We hope you enjoy this session!

More about Kerry Ray:

For almost 30 years Kerry (or K-Ray as his friends call him) has been living out his calling for student ministry; working with high schoolers and middle schoolers as a student pastor, itinerate youth speaker, consulting and mentoring youth workers in churches of various sizes and denominations, educating parents on teenage development, and training volunteers. Kerry is a graduate from Beeson Divinity School with a Masters in Divinity. He and his family currently reside in Cincinnati, OH where he serves as a Director of Student Ministries.

Modern Family: Bridging the Gap Between Home and Church (with Michael Bayne)

Michael Bayne leads this coaching session discussing the trends of the “modern family” in regards to church life. Family ministry is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and we need to make sure we’re ready to serve today’s family. Michael Bayne leads us through best practices in this helpful seminar.

More about Michael Bayne:

Michael Bayne is a pastor, communicator, and connector that has had the joy of serving churches in four states over the past twenty years. He is a husband to Chelsea and dad to 2 incredible teenage daughters. Michael currently serves as Lead Pastor of Greenville Community Church in Greenville, SC and Community Director with Ministry to Parents.

5 Things Every Leader Has To Get Right (with Jim Wideman)

Jim Wideman is the GOAT of ministry leadership. He’s a legend and we’re so grateful for the session that he’s bringing to us on the 5 things every leader needs to get right!

More about Jim Wideman:

Jim Wideman has the unique ability to help build the local church by strengthening the family, empowering leaders, and releasing today’s children to be the church. He is a pastor, speaker, author, and ministry coach with more than 40 years of experience serving in all areas of the local church, including 17 years leading one of the largest children’s ministries in the United States. Jim has trained thousands of children’s ministry leaders in the US and around the world. He has worked with six different thriving churches in the span of four and a half decades and published over 15 books.

Although he has been called the “Grandfather” of modern children’s ministry for the work he’s done in pioneering this movement, Jim remains actively engaged. As time moves forward, he works to keep the local church and its families moving and thriving while also staying grounded in its solid foundation.

Throughout his years of ministry, investing in countless children, families, and leaders around the globe, Jim’s influence and intentionality has been continuously acknowledged. In the 1980s, The International Network of Children’s Ministers (INCM) awarded him with their Ministry of Excellence Award. In the 1990s, Children’s Ministry Magazine named him one of the Top 10 Pioneers of the Decade. In 2010, Children’s Ministry Magazine continued their praise, naming him one of the Top 20 Influencers in Children’s Ministry. And in 2012, INCM presented Jim with their first ever Legacy Award for his lifetime achievement in children’s ministry.

But as long as Jim still has breath in his lungs, he knows he is not finished yet. He continues to engage with and empower the next generation. Jim currently serves as the Executive Pastor of Families and Volunteers at The Belonging Church in Nashville, Tennessee. He and his amazing wife, Julie, have two grown daughters and two of the cutest grandsons ever born.