Sleep Troubles

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Every parent has been there. You are past the point of midnight feedings, you no longer have to get up to change diapers and your child has moved out of their crib. You foolishly think that you are about to get good, uninterrupted sleep again for the first time in a long while. Jokes on you, mom and dad. Now you have a preschooler who doesn’t want to sleep. What do you do when your child is antibedtime? This month we are going to work through how to deal when bedtime is a nightmare!

For many parents, their child’s bedtime is the most dreaded part of the day, and for good reason: Unless a preschooler is very tired, he may resist going to sleep. Twenty to thirty percent of children have some sort of sleep disturbances at some point in childhood. The truth is there are many reasons that a child may fighting bedtime. They may be afraid of missing out on something, they may be afraid of something or they are attempting to assert control by rebelling.

If your child is having trouble at bedtime, ask yourself some basic questions to try to narrow down the problem. Is their room too hot or cold? Is it too dark or is there too much light? Is their bed comfortable? Is it too noisy? Are they afraid of something? Is your child even tired? Being able to narrow down what the issue may be is the first step in solving the problem. Some issues, like temperature or light may be an easy fix. Others may take a bit more work.

Take a look at your child’s bedtime habits and see if any of these apply. Does bedtime seem chaotic? Will your child not fall asleep alone? Do they stay up too late? Will they not stay in their bed? Your home may have one of these problems or potentially a little of all of them. We have some suggestions that we hope you will find helpful.

One of the most important things to do is to establish a bedtime routine for your child. Toddlers can really thrive on routines and consistency. Your child’s bedtime routine must be focused on creating a calming, secure atmosphere for them to fall asleep. Most of us have very busy days. We need to help our children to slow down and get ready for sleep. A typical routine may consist of a variety of tasks. The typical routine in my home consists of a warm bath, picking out pajamas, a bedtime story and saying our prayers. We complete this routine almost every night. This allows our kids to wind down from their day and they won’t go to bed without some sort of story. Kids can’t and won’t just stop in the middle of playtime to go to sleep. Creating this quiet, calming bedtime routine is the basis of solving many problems that arise at night. It helps when children know exactly what to expect.

Kids may be afraid that they are going to miss out on something if they go to sleep. This may be especially true if they have older siblings who are still up. You can help to eliminate this by turning off the television or any loud music. Allow your entire house to calm down and it will help them to do the same. Maybe your child refuses to go to sleep alone. They cry and beg for you to stay in their room with them. Know that giving in to this creates a habit that will be hard to break. Set limits and stick to them. Helping your child feel secure will help them become more independent at bedtime. Try to find out, are they scared of something or do they just want more time with you? If you start the habit of staying in their bed, they will expect you to do it every night.

Nightmares are no fun for anyone. However, at this age, they can be especially distressing. Preschoolers have trouble distinguishing what is real and what is not. If your child wakes up afraid of bad dreams, do not belittle them or dismiss their fear. Hold and reassure them that they are safe, talk with them and stay until they are calm. Your child may benefit from a security object such as a blanket or a stuffed animal. Make sure that your child isn’t exposed to scary stories or television shows that may be inappropriate and scare them. Talking about fears during the day can help them to seem less scary and threatening.

If you allow them, your child may spend the entire evening putting off bedtime. One more story, one more kiss, one more drink…they will use every trick they can think of to keep you with them. Once you establish a routine for bedtime, stick with it. As tempting as it will be to give in ‘just this once’, it will only make things harder on you and your child.

Be watching for our second email later this month when we give you some tips and suggestions that will hopefully make bedtime easier for your child and you too!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

Tweet 1 – 20-30% of children have some sort of sleep disturbances at some point in childhood. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 2 – Preschoolers average 10-12 hours of sleep/day. Is your child getting enough rest? #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 3 – Psalm 4:8 – In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 4 – Toddlers thrive on routine and consistency. Do you have a bedtime routine? #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 5 – Does your child have a favorite bedtime story? If not, help them to discover one. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 6 – Psalm 116:7 -Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 7 – Don’t allow bedtime to become a power struggle. Keep calm and stand firm. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 8 – Children won’t just stop in the middle of playtime and go to sleep. Allow quiet, wind-down time before bed. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 9 – A bedtime routine allows children to know what to expect and helps them to calm down. What is your routine like? #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 10 – It is your job to help your child feel safe and secure. When they do, bedtime can be easier. If you are stressed and frazzled, they will be too. #urchurchparentministry

Importance of Play

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Think about this situation. Your child is playing happily. Someone asks you what they are doing? Your response? “Oh, they’re just playing.” Just playing. Almost like we are implying that what our child is doing is somehow unimportant and not a big deal. We are learning though, playtime is so important in the development of children. What they are doing may seem silly or simple to us, but it could be teaching your child valuable life lessons. This month, we are going to examine the importance of playtime.

Let’s be honest. Our lives are busy. People are on the go all the time and everyone is in a hurry. We all have something to do. Little kids, just want to play and have fun. This is often overlooked in our rush to get things done.

First, let’s define what is playtime? There are two basic types: Unstructured, free play and Structured play. Free play is playtime that just happens, depending on what takes your child’s interest at the time. It isn’t planned and it is often coordinated by the child. It let’s your child use their imagination and move at their own pace. An adult may or may not be a part of it. Structured play is organized. It occurs at a fixed time and in a set place. This is usually led by an adult or some sort of instructor. Examples of this are dance classes, story time at the library or even swim lessons. Sometimes we push, even our little ones, to be involved in many structured activities like dance or sports. Organized activities are not bad. Many have very valuable benefits, as does free playtime. There must be a balance between the two and each child’s needs must be taken into account. The American Psychological Association reports that children today have eight fewer hours of free, unstructured play a week than they did twenty years ago due to busy lifestyles, electronics and organized activities.

Studies have shown that play is necessary for many kinds of development: Social, emotional, physical and cognitive development. Play is important for healthy brain development, problem solving and boosting language.

These days, there is more pressure on kids than ever before. The Kindergarten and Preschool of today looks totally different than it did twenty years ago. Many parents hold a fear of their child falling behind. All you have to do is look to the toy store shelves to see the enormous number of educational games and toys, some of which are very expensive. Education is so important but there must b3e a balance. Think back for a moment to when you were a kid. What was your favorite toy? I adored by baby dolls and I can remember my brother could make anything out of a simple stick. Be honest, was there anything better than a fort made of blankets or a really huge box? Despite the growing market of expensive toys, children actually need very little to maximize their playtime. Items that may seem simple or that aren’t even actually toys can be just as much fun and increase the use of a child’s imagination.

Playtime can also give parents an opportunity to fully engage with their child and see the world through their eyes. Kids don’t have to necessarily be taught how to play, but parents and teachers are important in helping kids advance through play. So, what are some ways to boost learning through play? Help increase your child’s verbal skills by asking questions about what they are doing. Say things like “Tell me about what you are building.” Challenge their imagination by asking for details as they pretend. If your son is pretending to be a pirate, ask them what kind of treasure they would look for and what their pirate ship is like. It’s also a great time to help them feel independent. Provide materials for them, but allow them to control their actions. This helps them to feel like a big kid.

There is a quote by the author Roald Dahl that says “A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men.” That is a great reminder that we need to let our kids be silly and play and just have fun. It may seem simple to us, but it is so meaningful to our children. Be watching later this month for our next parenting email. We will explore the different types of development that playtime stimulates in our kids and great play ideas for them.

 
Weekly tweets from you to parents:
TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

Tweet 1 – Playtime provides parents with an opportunity to fully engage with their child. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 2 – The time before the age of three is called a “critical period” in brain development. How are you helping your child learn? #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 3 – “We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 4 – Do you remember your most favorite toy as a child? Playtime makes an impact. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 5 – Playtime is one of the first opportunities for a child to discover the world. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 6 – Don’t think of it as “just playing”. It is important. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 7 – Despite the growing market of expensive toys, children need very little to maximize playtime. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 8 – As parents we must find a balance between structured activities and free play. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 9 – Parents and teachers are crucial to help children advance through play. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet 10 – “A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men.” -Roald Dahl #urchurchparentministry

Discipline

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Thank you for joining us at parentministry.net for this month’s online parenting class. Our topic today is one that we as parents have to deal with probably every day…how and when to discipline our child.

We’ve all been there, in a public place and you hear a child pitching a fit, misbehaving or crying. We’ve all thought to ourselves, “If that were my child…(fill in the blank)”. And you know what, sooner or later, it will be your child. Even the most even-tempered child has their bad days. Misbehavior is so frustrating. None of us want to raise a spoiled brat, but we also want to foster independence and let them be their own person. How do you balance it?

Deciding how to discipline your child is something that is up to every parent. However, it is also very important to learn why kids misbehave and how we can make the most out of a trying and hard situation. When dealing with preschoolers, it may be beneficial to look at discipline as an opportunity for teaching, rather than a source of punishment. Most of the time, kids aren’t trying to be malicious, they are just being kids and they don’t think the same way adults do. Things that may make sense to us can be a foreign concept to them. Sometimes parents can overreact out of anger and frustration and not see the behavior for what it is…your child just being a child. You’ve just caught them coloring on the wall. To you, it’s a horrible mess and you don’t understand why they would do that. To a two year old, it is a masterpiece that they worked so hard on after they found some crayons! It is up to us to teach them what kind of behaviors are acceptable and which are not.

The most important thing to remember when approaching discipline is to be consistent. Decide which behavior you will allow and stick with it. These limits will be different for each family. What works for your friends, what they allow their children to do may not be right for your family. As a parent, it is your job to set limits for your child. Everyone, regardless of age, needs limits. The younger the child, the more defined the limits need to be. Limits, within reason, provide security. Don’t look at it as a restriction, but a way to protect your curious child.

Many times, children act out because they want attention. That may not make sense to us because they are getting in trouble, but they crave attention at this age regardless of the kind. Make sure that you are praising your child for what they do well. Show them that they will receive attention for good behavior. Also, make sure that you are on the same page as your spouse when it comes to family rules. Mixed messages will only confuse your child and make it harder on everyone.

I have two children of my own and I don’t think I could have been blessed with two any different from each other! My son has a precious, tender-hearted soul. His emotions are always just below the surface and he is definitely my worrier, the one always concerned about others. My daughter on the other hand is my free spirit, stubborn and fiercely independent. She has an opinion about everything and she’s not afraid to tell you about it! My husband and I have learned very early on that the same parenting techniques don’t work the same for them. We have to change things up depending on which child we are dealing with at that time.

Parenting is hard work and some days go much more smoothly than others. Make a plan for when those bad days happen and stick with it. Provide a consistent environment for your child. It will help them to understand what is expected of them and what the consequences are if they misbehave. Today we have just scratched the surface of discipline and our preschoolers. Later this month be watching for our next parenting class email. We will dig a little deeper into some techniques and tools that will hopefully help you to make a plan that works for your family and maybe give some insight that you haven’t considered before when it comes to discipline.

Weekly tweets from you to parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

• Tweet 1 – Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 2 – Make it easy for your child to do the right thing. #urchurch-parentministry
• Tweet 3 – As parents is is your job to reinforce lessons with consistency, patience and compassion. #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 4 – Do you look at discipline as an opportunity for teaching or pun-ishment? #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 5 – Be a model. Show your kids what you want them to do. #ur-churchparentministry
• Tweet 6 – You must decide what is acceptable behavior and stick with it. #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 7 – Discipline isn’t about what we are doing to our kids, but for them. #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 8 – Be consistent in your parenting – don’t send mixed signals. #ur-churchparentministry
• Tweet 9 – Misbehavior is frustrating. Do you have a plan to deal with it? #urchurchparentministry
• Tweet 10 – Teach your child that the world is full of yes and no’s and how to deal with them. #urchurchparentministry