Category Archives: Kids Parenting Class

Failure

Overcoming Failures

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: Nobody’s perfect…kids included, Part One

Parents,
Hi.
Nobody is perfect—you and your kids included. While I know this doesn’t come as a big surprise to you, intellectually, I also know that all too often parents choose to focus on their child’s imperfections instead of tending to their hearts.

The video this month covers the topic of allowing our children to be their unique and special self instead of what we think they should be. This is invaluable to parenting the way God intends you to. Click on the link below to watch the video on Overcoming Your Kid’s Failures.

After watching the video, please feel free to contact me with your thoughts and questions. I would also be happy to have you share with me specifics on how I can pray for your family.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/147477223/f8d4d3891d

Made In God’s Image,
Preschool Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: Fearfully and wonderfully made, Part Two

Parents,

I hope you’ve had a chance to watch this month’s Online Parenting Class, Overcoming Your Kid’s Failures.

A recent blog post by “Momma D” (www.mommadsayslblogspot.com) was titled “Who Decides What Different Is, Anyway?” The point made was that we’re all different, but that ‘different’ is nothing more than one’s perception of another.

I want you to see your children not as different, but rather as unique—just the way God intended them to be. So you love golf and your son would rather be hunting and fishing! And is it really the end of the world that your daughter is a girly-girl but that you don’t own a dress? These differences don’t make your kids weird, and they certainly shouldn’t be seen by you as obstacles to be overcome.

God gave us several verses in the Bible to remind us of this important truth. Take a look at a couple of them given below. Use these verses as reminders of just how uniquely wonderful your children are.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~Psalm 139:13-14

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. ~Genesis 1:27

Now let’s take a minute to think about some ways you can let your children know just how much you treasure their uniqueness….

Spend time on an individual basis with each of your children doing what THEY like to do. Clean a fish, paint your nails, play a (non-violent) computer game, eat sushi…whatever gives you the opportunity to share precious one-on-one time to discover just how fearfully and wonderfully made your child is.

I’d also like you to think about the fact that your words have the power to either build up or tear down your child’s self-esteem and their drive to succeed…or not.

1.Teach your children how to do things before you turn them loose with a project. Without instruction and teaching you’re simply setting them up to fail.

2.Your kids are going to make mistakes (screw some things up). You did, didn’t you? But when you teach by doing together, you not only teach your children new skills, but you enjoy quality time together. Instead of focusing on what your kids can’t do, provide them with more opportunities to do what they are good at.

3.If math doesn’t come easily to your child, trust me, they know about it. Shaming them into doing better won’t help—it will only make matters worse. So empathize with them and find ways to help them do their best.

4.Never compare your child to anyone else. We are all created in God’s image and in the words of Christian author, Darla Noble, “ God don’t make no junk!”

I hope this class was beneficial to you in your parenting journey. Your family is a blessing to this ministry.

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Video Script

One of the hardest things as a parent is seeing firsthand the repeated failures of your chile, especially when they might be an accurate reflection of us and the things that we do. As parents, we can succumb to emotions about not wanting them to do the same things we did, mixed in with a bit of guilt and we’re somehow passing it in, or maybe it’s the opposite scenario and that they are nothing like you, and you cannot understand why they won’t take those simple steps that are so easy for you to see.

As parents, it is important for us to recognize that different is not bad. Just because your child doesn’t do it your way, it does not mean that it is wrong or a failure. Each time you feel yourself get tense because of what your child just did, ask yourself if what your child is doing is it wrong or is it just different.

Next, we have to separate the behavior from the person. Don’t like the behavior but always, always like your child. They will always go to the, “Well, you don’t like me” feeling rather than, “You don’t like my choices.” Acknowledge the potential strength in that poor choice. It helps identify the bits that you want to keep around for the future.

For example, if you have a child that can be very stubborn and when there’s something that needs to be done and they just refuse to do it, well, it may be difficult to deal with as a parent in the moment but it will be an incredible strength if you focus in the right direction.

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: We are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Children are people…not puppets #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Get to know your kids…grow your family bonds #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Nobody’s perfect…including your kids…including you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Mistakes don’t have to define you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Who decides what different is, anyway? #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Guide your kids to THEIR destiny…not yours #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Teach your children & let them teach you #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: God’s image is so big it takes us all to see him #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: Be the parent who embraces each child’s uniqueness with love #differentisgood #urchurchparentministry

Relationship

How to Have A Scream Free Home

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: How to Have a Scream Free Home, Part One

Parents,
It’s time to address another important parenting issue—the one of having a scream-free or yell-free home. Not only will this make for a more peaceful home, but it will also help to make your children calmer and more confident in who they are.
I know how easy it is to feel you have to raise your voice to be heard or even yell rather than going to your children to speak normally so they can hear you. But as parents, we owe it to our children and ourselves to speak in calmly and respectfully so they will learn to do the same.
The following link takes you to the parenting video that covers this lesson. Please watch the video and seriously consider taking the necessary steps to dial down the volume in your home.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me with comments and even requests on how I can pray for your family and be of assistance to you.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/142436353/e6913bda99

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line:How To Have A Scream Free Home, Part Two

Parents,

Hi! I hope you are having a great week and that you’ve had an opportunity to watch the parenting video dealing with our current topic of having a home where screaming and yelling do not exist.
Yelling should be reserved for high school football games (Go, team, go!) and games of hide-n-seek (Ready or not, here I come!). In other words, yelling is not appropriate when speaking to your children.

Even if you’re just calling the kids to supper, yelling shouldn’t be the method you opt for. Why? Actually there are several reasons, but the two primary reasons you shouldn’t yell at your kids are 1) yelling sends the message of tension and displeasure. When you yell your kids automatically assume you’re unhappy 2) yelling shows disrespect.

I want to provide you with scripture to place upon your heart; words to remind you of God’s desire for a peaceful home. Following the verses you will find suggestions for making your home a scream-free/yell-free, and less stressful zone.

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. ~Proverbs 17:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ~Proverbs 15:1

To eliminate yelling from your home, why not set up a ‘penalty piggy bank’. Here’s how it works: put a jar of pennies next to the penalty pig that has a mailing label for each person in the family stuck to it. Every time someone yells, they have to pay a penny to the pig and put a mark on the sticker with their name on it. The person with the most marks at the end of each week has to do extra chores. FYI: Mom and Dad are just as liable as the kids are. When the bank is full, empty it and use the money to take everyone for ice cream.

Another way you can do this is to call a family meeting where you make a proclamation that says your home is a yell-free home, explain why yelling is not acceptable or allowed, and establish rules and penalties for yelling. For example, yelling is a good thing when calling for help in an emergency.

I consider it a blessing to be partnering with you for the sake of your family.

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Video Script

When you were a child, I bet you didn’t dream of one day growing up and having a family that yelled at each other every day.

Yelling might be the worst form of communication that has ever existed.

Nobody wants to have a home where everyone yells, and when you do it’s easy to feel hopeless.

The thing about yelling is that it stresses out both parties. It stresses out the person yelling and the person being yelled at.

So how can we create scream free homes?

How can we create homes where we speak respectfully to our kids, and in turn they speak respectfully to us?

How can we create homes where we listen to each other, and we communicate without creating stress through screaming?

Here are three tips towards creating a scream free home:

First, you can draw clear boundaries. Sit down with your kids and agree together that no one wants to live in a house where every one screams. Communicate to them that kids and adults should not be allowed to scream in the home.

Second, give your child the freedom to call a penalty. What would the game of football look like without referees? It would be chaos! Well, chaos is a good word to describe our homes when everyone is screaming at each other. Once everyone agrees together that screaming is a “penalty” in your home, then everyone should be able to throw a flag. It’s should be OK for everyone in the home to be able to respectfully say, “You’re screaming at me, and we agreed together that we wouldn’t do that.”

Finally, Call Time outs. With all this talk of boundaries, referees, penalties, and time outs this sounds more like a video about sports rather than parenting. But being able to call a time out is a key to creating a scream free home. No one is perfect and we all get angry. The only real solution to anger is to give yourself some time and space to calm down. The key to calling a good time out is letting your family member know that you will return to the conversation once you’ve calmed down.

Here’s a great example of how to call a time out You say something like this, “I’m committed to having a ‘Scream Free’ Home, but right now I’m angry. I’m calling a time out, and I’ll be back in ten minutes to continue the conversation.”

Once the other person agrees to return to the conversation with you in ten minutes, you then have a chance to get control of your emotions and speak without screaming.

For many families having a scream free home feels like an impossible dream. But if you draw clear boundaries, give everyone the right to call a penalty, and use timeouts effectively then that dream can come true!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: No yelling allowed by parents or kids #happyhomequiethome . #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Yelling is stressful…who needs stress? #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Everything worth saying is worth saying quietly #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Be nice-don’t yell. #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: God likes yell-free homes #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: It’s not what you say it’s how you say it…quietly #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Yelling is for football games…not talking to your kids #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Don’t yell @ me & I won’t yell @ you #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Speak softly & people will listen better #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: Show respect don’t yell #happyhomequiethome #urchurchparentministry

Discipleship

Fun Ways To Study Scripture With Your Child

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line: Fun Ways To Study Scripture With Your Child, Part One

Parents,
Raising our children to pursue a personal relationship with God is something every Christian parent wants, but statistics show that only five percent of teens study the Bible on their own on a daily basis and over half of teens say they read or study their Bible away from church.

I don’t think I need to tell you that these numbers are not very encouraging. But I’m also happy to tell you that YOU can influence your children to be one of the five percent who study their Bible every day. How? By getting creative, that’s how!

For ways to make studying scripture with your kids more fun, check out this months online parenting class.
It will give you a good start towards making positive changes in your home in this area. I hope you find this lesson helpful. You are always welcome to email me with any prayer requests your family may have.
I truly enjoy serving your family

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/141593132/13f9137123

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject Line:Fun Ways To Study Scripture With Your Kids, Part Two

Parents,

Were you able to check out our Online Parenting Class video on fun ways to study scripture with your kids? Well, if you missed it then you can go to https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/141593132/13f9137123 to watch the video.

Just like we cannot expect our children to be proficient in math or English without sufficient instruction and practice, we cannot expect our children to know the Bible without sufficient exposure (reading and teaching).

Another valuable truth is that with so many things competing for their time and attention we need to make learning scripture both interesting and fun. To do this, try any one of the following:

Let family members take turns selecting a household item that represents a Bible story. Family members have to guess what story it is, then the person whose item it is tells the story.

While sitting around the dinner table, one person starts telling a Bible story then says, “Pass to (someone’s name). They have to finish the story.

Divide your family into two teams and draw Bible stories. The first team to win three rounds wins.

Have an old-fashioned Sword drill: Everyone holds their Bible in their laps (closed). The MC calls out a scripture reference (example: Hebrews 13:7). The first person to find it stands up and reads the verse.

WARNING: You and your family will enjoy time spent together learning God’s Word.

Partnering with you,
Preschool Pastor

Video Script

Let’s be honest. It’s not always easy to study scripture with your kids.

You know that it’s something you’re supposed to do. It’s pretty clear that as parents we are the primary spiritual influence in our Kid’s life.

That means that we can’t completely “outsource” teaching our kid’s Scripture to the ministers at our church.
We’ve got to get involved in teaching our kids Scripture as well. So how can we teach our kids the Bible in a fun and enjoyable way?

Here’s a great idea that you can try this week with your kids. This approach to studying the Bible adds some creativity and interaction to the process.

This strategy works best with the narrative stories in the Bible.

What’s this amazing Bible Study strategy?

Act it out!

That’s right… just start a “Bible Study Theatre” in your house.

Here’s 4 great ways to Act Out Bible stories with your kids:

First, assign the roles. Go through the Bible story and pick out the main characters. Write the name of one of the characters for every member of your family. Then put those characters in a bowl, and let each family member pick out which role they’re going to play. Some times it might be fun to let an object be a character. For example, if you’re acting out Noah and the Ark, someone can be “the Ark”. That could lead to some funny moments.

Second, Dress it up. After you assign the roles, give everyone 5 minutes to run around the house and put together the best costume they can find. Encourage everyone to be creative and not to over think this process. The point is to just have a little fun throwing together an outfit for their character.

Third, Let the Narrator read the story while everyone acts out their part. If the character in the story says something, pause and give your family member a chance to say their lines.

Fourth, Discuss the story. Here’s the best part. Teach your kids that the stories are TRUE. They really happened, and God wants us to learn from each of these stories. Ask questions like, “What do you think this character was feeling during the story?” “Can anyone re-tell the story in their own words?” or “What do you think God was teaching us in this story?”

There are many ways you can teach your kids the Bible, but by acting it out you can have fun, be silly together, and get your kids involved in the process.

And the best will be that your family will be studying the Bible together!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell Twitter to store a list of your tweets on one place for later reference.

Tweet One: Have fun helping kids discover the Bible isn’t boring. #knowthebible . #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Two: Know the Bible…know your purpose #knowthebible. #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Three: Kids need to read the Bible, too #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Four: Family Bible time = solid family ties. #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Five: Fish sticks, bread, grapes, water, mud = Bible story fun #knowthebible . #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Six: Learning the Bible Family fun time #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Seven: Genesis thru Revelation = excitement & more #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Eight: Family Bible drama game-a great way to learn and grow #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Nine: Get to know God the fun way-with drama, props, & more #knowthebible . #urchurchparentministry

Tweet Ten: You can’t know God if you don’t know the Bible #knowthebible #urchurchparentministry

Discipline

Dealing with a Rebellious Child

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Dealing with a Rebellious ChildParents,

More than likely I don’t need to define rebellion to you. You’ve seen it with your own eyes, but for the sake of us being on the same page, here ya go: Rebellion is resistance and/or defiance to authority. As parents we all see our children rebel at some level because, in the end, they’re created to be their own individual. When we place restraints on them, they push back.

Rebellion looks vastly different as your child ages. In the preschool years you may have experienced the tantrum, crying, and pouting when you put boundaries on them. During the school age years rebellion looks differently. It takes the form of disobedience (not doing what you’ve told them to do or doing it VERY SLOWLY) or arguing. This month we want to help you tackle dealing with a rebellious child.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/125561291/cbd793ad74

Later this month we’ll follow up with another email that will guide you through LOVING discipline that corrects rebellion.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Dealing with a Rebellious Child Part 2Parents,

In the world of psychology there exists a law called the Law of Reinforcement: Behavior which achieves desirable consequences will recur. I think we’d all agree that rebellious behavior is NOT something that we want to occur in our children, so we have to begin with the question,” Is there a desirable consequence my child receives when he disobeys? Is there a reward for their rebellion that leads them to continue rebelling?”

In James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline he says, “If you can’t make a five-year-old pick up his toys, it is unlikely you will exercise much control during his most defiant time of life.” However, it’s been proven that harsh, unloving and critical parenting can drive a child to rebellion. So how do we walk the fine line of making our child do what they should without ruling with an iron fist?

The answer lies in how the Lord disciplines us. Take the time to ask yourself how the Lord has disciplined you. Has he been patient? Has he been forgiving? At times has he allowed you to suffer the consequences of your sin?

Hebrews 12:10-11 says God’s point in discipline is holiness. So shall our discipline be for our children. “For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

As you handle defiance and rebellion in your child, here are a few quick reminders:

Be decisive. Land on a consequence and enact it upon rebellion.
Give them the appropriate amount of power. It’s OK to decide what clothes to wear as long as they’re acceptable to school, and you don’t get sick wearing shorts in the snow.
BE PATIENT AND BE CONSISTENT.
Figure out the root of rebellion, the why behind the behavior.
Keeping your cool is just as important as consistency.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Were you a rebellious child growing up? Did you talk back to your parents when they asked you to do something or set a new rule in place? Do you remember pushing back on your parents? We all would answer yes to one or all of these questions. We can all look back and think of a time when we were rebellious. If we can all remember a time when we were rebellious why do we enter parent freak out mode as soon as we sense our own kids being rebellious? Every child is going to go through seasons of rebellion so this month we want to help you know how to handle a rebellious child. Breathe deep, we are going to help you think through this issue and form a plan for helping your child!

When our kids are acting out in disobedience we often forget how much we love them and move quickly to try to fix them. Even though your child may be driving you crazy with their behavior, rebellious kids don’t need to be fixed, they need to be led. Dealing with outright disobedience is the parenting job we dread most. In part because most of us have no idea how to handle it, but also because decades of advice from parenting experts have both confused us and left us scared that we’ll somehow compromise our darlings’ burgeoning self-esteem if we react in the wrong way. But take heart. The fact is, dealing swiftly with a child’s misbehavior or rebellion—and doing so consistently—matters more than the details of your response. Confronting rebellion with consistency and consequences is the key to leading your child to a better place in following your leadership as a parent. You probably don’t connect leadership and parenting often but never forget you are the most influential leader in your child’s life and they will rise to the standard and expectations you set.

When you look at the stories of parents in the Bible you will be encouraged by your own parenting skills because many parents in the Bible were pretty miserable. There is one book of the Bible called Proverbs and it contains many wise sayings shared by a King named Solomon. One of those sayings is…

Proverbs 22:6 // “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”

This is one of those moments where it’s clear that it is wise for Parents to lead their children. For all children, the way they should go is toward God but also they should follow our leadership because God has placed us in their life. The problem is most of the time kids will choose to push against us. We have to lead them to follow us. You do have to fight for a heart connection with your child, but you also have to choose to lead them because children need to be shown what matters in life.

The honest truth is that helping your child move away from a rebellious heart will not happen unless you lead them that way. There is no other way to guide a child in a new direction unless they are lovingly led that way. If this is an issue in your house get ready for more conflict before you have less conflict. The good news is that every child is waiting to be led and every child desperately needs boundaries because deep in their hearts they just need you to lead them.

Most parents I talk to think that rebellion is a season that will pass and that is just not true. A rebellious child who is allowed to reject their parent’s authority will continue to become more and more isolated and rebellious. This is not a season. This is a issue that you can lovingly guide your child through. Before we end this session let me give you a few ideas that we have found helpful…

1. Pray for God to help you lead and help your child follow. // You don’t need to try to confront this issue alone. Why not invite God into the situation to help. Praying for your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. When things are difficult prayer will help center you on trusting God!
2. Set boundaries and communicate them clearly and frequently. // You have to identify where the rebellion is most frequent and figure out what kind of behavior you expect from your child. You also have to communicate these expectations clearly and it may take several times to get your point across.
3. Follow through. // This is the hardest part. Do what you say you are going to do and do not back down. Make your punishment for rebellious behavior something you will consistently follow through on, even when it’s not convenient.
4. Stay calm and be consistent. // Try to remember that this is a process and also lead, don’t nag! Nagging is evidence that consistency is lacking. Don’t nag, say it once and enact consequences.

Ok, this is a start! Later in the month you will receive a follow up email giving you more practical advice on dealing with a rebellious child. Thanks for taking time to watch this online parenting class and know we are praying for you as you invest in your family!

Weekly tweets from you to parents

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-Why do we enter parent freak out mode when our children rebel? Did you ever rebel?! #itsnaturalpeople #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Prov. 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not turn from it. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Kids want to be their own individual. Help them figure out how to do that sans rebellion. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 –Rebellious kids don’t need to be fixed, they need to be led. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Nagging is evidence that discipline consistency is lacking. #don’tnag! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-There’s no way to guide a child in a new direction unless they’re lovingly led there. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Discipline isn’t just changing behavior, it’s changing the heart. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Pray for God to help you lead courageously and your child to willingly follow. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Confronting rebellion with consistency and consequences will lead your child away from rebellion. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Praying for your children is one of the best gifts you can give your child. #bestgifts #urchurchparentministry

Character

Allowing Your Kid To Struggle

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Parents-DON’T be their superheroParents,

Teacups are beautiful, yet they’re very fragile and must be handled with extreme care. Today, university professors call our children just that, teacups. They see college students as very fragile because of overprotection. And while teacups are aesthetically pleasing, they are rarely used and of little value to us on a day to day basis.

As parents it’s hard to watch our children fail, so often we swoop in to make sure they don’t. In the process we create children that don’t know how to fail well. This month we want to process how we can STOP being our child’s superhero, and instead, allow them to develop the courage and problem solving skills to work through any issue life hands them. Check out this month’s video link to see a glimpse into WHY we need to allow our children to fail.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/123492185/b35e13831e

Later this month we’ll delve more into how we can avoid swooping in to save the day, and we’ll take a look at what the Bible has to say about failure.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: NOT a parenting superhero-Part 2Parents,

Current culture says to our children, you can be anything you want to be. The truth is they can TRY to be anything that they want, but they will fail. Our children, just like us, have been uniquely designed and created for purpose. One of the biggest ideas that will help us discover that purpose is working through failure.

We allow our children to fail when we STOP overparenting. Overparenting is actually a word, and we’ve created it. Here’s the definition:

We overparent when we are excessively involved in the day to day life of our children, typically in the desire to shield them from difficult situations and help them succeed.

Of course we want our children to succeed. A researcher named La Ferle says this of overparenting, “We take personally the things that happen to our kids, and if our kids succeed, we are successful parents. If they fail, it’s a bad reflection on us. If we can get over that, then that’s good. Sometimes we need to step back and not use our kids as trophies.”

The Bible is clear that we are NOT enough, and it’s a good thing. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Let’s ban together, committing to STOP overparenting, allow our children to fail, learn from those failures, and find that true strength comes from God IN them.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

I will go ahead and have a time of parenting confession. At times I am an overprotective parent.

I feel better just getting that out there, so now let me connect with other over protective parents watching this!

Anytime we take our kids hiking, camping, or to the lake with our family I am the parent looking out for all of the dangerous things that could possibly hurt one of our kids. I am the “be careful” police of our family and the honest truth is I have to be so very careful to not let that tendency bleed over into how I parent on a day to day basis. This month in our Online Parenting Class we are going to talk about how we can let our kids fail. I know you don’t read many book on this subject and maybe fail is too hard of a word but this month we hope we can all link arms together and find the freedom to at least not solve all of our kids problems and allow them to struggle!

Parents today are obsessed with affirmation and success when it comes to how they parent. We want our children to be encouraged, and we want them to succeed. Think about the culture our children are surrounded by. Every kid on the soccer or baseball team get’s a trophy just for trying. Every kid gets a ribbon at field day for just showing up. As parents we are fine with this because we do our best to help our kids succeed and feel affirmed. The question we have to wrestle with this month is when do we allow our children to feel the sting of failure while we are in their life to coach them through it?

Our generation of parents has created two new “kinds of parents” helicopter parents (those who hover around and swoop in at the first sign of trouble) and lawnmower parents (seek to smooth out every situation that could cause stress). We have all seen these parents but the reality is that we often give in to the trap of overprotection because we see everyone else going that direction.

I was reading a blog post on the Huffington Post recently and a writer was talking about this very issue. They said…

”There’s an old Chinese saying, “Failure is the mother of success.” You don’t have to look far in our culture to find celebrated examples of this very notion: Einstein is rumored to have flunked math for years; Steve Jobs was fired from the company he started, only to return a few years later and take Apple to new heights; Walt Disney himself was fired early in his career by a newspaper editor who told him that he “had no imagination and no good ideas.”

Failure can be a good thing in the life of your child because failure pushes kids to learn not to shape their identity and worth around their accomplishments. Failure pushes us to learn. Failure pushes us to seek advice from trusted voices. Failure even pushes us to trust God. Sounds crazy but listen to what one person from the Bible says in the book of Psalms…

Psalm 46:1 (NLT) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
That is what failure is for our kids…it’s trouble…and God is there to help. I will never forget when my oldest daughter was struggling at school to run her timed mile in PE. She stressed over it. She cried. She was angry at that stop watch. She failed two times. Everything in me wanted to go to the school and step in for her but I didn’t. We prayed and she tried harder and she finally got it. I could have derailed a teachable moment by stepping in! Our tendency is to step in too early.

This month your assignment is simple. Evaluate your parenting and process if you are overprotecting your kids from failure. Later this month we will send you some practical advice on how to help your child fail well. But until then look for an opportunity this week to step back and not solve a problem for your child. We are praying for you as you work hard to be a better parent! You can do this!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- When do we allow our children to feel the sting of failure while we are in their life to coach them through it? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Failure pushes kids to learn to shape their identity and worth around their accomplishments #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Can children really BE anything they want to BE? #createdforpurpose #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 –A helicopter parent is one who constantly hovers around their child and swoops in at the first sign of trouble. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Have you had an opportunity this week to NOT save your child from failure? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-A lawnmower parent is one who always wants to smooth things over so their children don’t experience the rough parts of life. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Jesus said HIS strength is made perfect in weakness, and Paul concluded he would boast in His weakness. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Famous old Chinese proverb, Failure is the mother of success. Parents, allow failure! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9- Success isn’t final, failure isn’t fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts-Winston Churchill#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Are we content with hardships and failure, allowing to be strong in weakness? 2 Corinthians 12:10 #urchurchparentministry

Bedtime

How to Handle Bed Time without a Fight

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Getting Kids to Bed without a FightParents,

I’m not sure if you’ve ever had this thought, but I’ve often been jealous of a napping child. When I see a small child who doesn’t want to nap, I often think, “One of these days you’ll be wishing you could take a nap.” Sleep is very important for us as adults, but it is equally as important to children. The difference is they’re growing bodies need MORE of it than we do as adults.

“Poor sleep patterns are linked to stress, depression, memory loss, weight gain, lower attention and increased accidents” (kidshealth.org). Maybe you used to rock your little one to sleep, singing a little song as they drifted into sweet rest. With grade-school children it’s up to them to get themselves to sleep and sometimes that can be met with resistance. This month we want to walk through this issue of bedtime battles with you.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/120256969/476f2de2e5

Be checking your email inbox later this month for part 2 of Getting Your Kid to Bed without a Fight. In that email we’ll lay out a step by step guide for taking the BATTLE OUT of bedtime.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Getting Kids to Bed without a Fight Part 2Parents,

Sleep is evidence of our humanity. We know God does not sleep. Psalm 121 tells us that. However, when Jesus lived as a man on earth we know he spent time sleeping. He even slept on boats during storms when everyone else was scared. As humans we need sleep. Our little ones need sleep and they need more of it than we do. However, you may find yourself fighting the battle of getting your child to bed pretty consistently.

This month we want to help you create a home where rest and sleep is held in high regard. So how do you start developing a culture within your home that values sleep?

Establish a bedtime routine. One example is use the bathroom, put on pajamas, brush teeth, read the Bible with mom/dad, read quietly for 10 minutes then lights off. This routine stays consistent.
Keep distractions out of the bedroom. No TVs, handheld devices on or in the bed. If toys left on the floor are a distraction, make cleaning them up part of the bedtime routine.
Declare the bed a place for just sleeping. No homework, DS playing done while laying on the bed.
Limit food and drinks containing caffeine and sugar before bed.
Keep a consistent bedtime. It’s OK for this to fluctuate by 10-15 minutes, but if the bed time is 8:00, define that well. Does that mean 8:00 lights out, or 8:00 in bed? There’s a big difference between the two.

We know we are at our personal best when we’ve had enough sleep, but so are our children. Let’s fight hard to make sleep a priority for our families by starting a new rhythm at bedtime, one that takes the battle out of bedtime!

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

When we think of bed time we usually think of preschoolers and bed time stories and all of the horror stories that come with trying to convince our 2 year old they need to stay in their bed. What we have found over the years as our children have grown older is that fight to get kids to get the sleep they need is an ongoing battle for most parents. It’s been a struggle in my family and I bet it’s been the same in your home because the excuses get even more complicated in 3rd grade. This month we want to help your family face the battle of bed time without a fight.

As parents we never go through sleep training. Fighting the bed time battle is something every family tends to tackle on their own while secretly Googling advice online every night. No matter your routine it’s important to first understand that God created us to sleep. Slow down and think about that. God created you to spend almost one third of your life with your eyes closed and your mind shut off for the world so that you could be prepared for the two thirds of your life you are awake. There is a modern theologian you may have heard of named John Piper and he wrote an article called the Theology of Sleep on his blog and I want to share a section of it with you as you think about the importance of sleep for your child…Dr. Piper says…

We sleep a third of our lives. Just think of it: a third of our lives spent like dead men. Just think of everything being left undone that could be done had God not designed us to need sleep. There is surely no doubt that he could have created us with no need for sleep. Psalm 127:2 says, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved in his sleep.” According to this text sleep is a gift of love, and the gift is often spurned by anxious toil. Peaceful sleep is the opposite of anxiety. God does not want his children to be anxious, but to trust him. Therefore I conclude that God made sleep as a continual reminder that we should not be anxious but should rest in him.

With parents working long hours, schedules packed with school, after-school activities, and other lifestyle factors, naps are missed, bedtimes are pushed back, mornings start earlier and nights may be anything but peaceful. Many times the only reason they are out of control is we have never made them a priority in our homes. Rest is not something we see as a value in our society so in our homes we tend to push it to the background. Changing that rhythm in your home starts with embracing the reality that God created sleep and gives us permission to make it very important in our homes.

If bed time is filled with tension in your home we want to help you find peace in that part of your life this month. Good parenting starts with intentional planning and changes so start with thinking about these concepts for bed time.

Structure Leads to Security
The structure of bedtime routines also associates the bedroom with good feelings and provides a sense of security and control. Your bed time routine has the potential to remind your child every night they matter and God is with them!

Routines Eliminate Stress
Routines can take the stress out of bedtime and help make it a special time, especially if you have more than one child. Less bed time drama also helps you parent better because you are not tense because you have quiet time coming when the kids are in bed. Routine is also your reward!

Consistency & Boundaries Matter
Kids will always have that one last thing — kisses, hugs, a drink of water, using the bathroom. They can be quite inventive. Do your best to anticipate all this and get it done before getting in bed. And let your child know that once they are in bed, they have to stay in bed.

If you want to set your child up for success then leverage bed time and sleep in your home. Later this month we will send you part 2 of this online parenting class with some helpful practice to take the fight out of bed time. Don’t “sleep” on this value in your home and know we are praying for you as your parent your child this month!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-God created us to spend 1/3 of our life asleep. Rest is good for the soul. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Sleeping well increases brain power just as weight lifting builds stronger muscles. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-For another bedtime routine idea check out Parenting with Love and Logic. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4 –A healthy view of sleep embraces the reality that God created sleep & gives us permission to make it important in our homes. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Light from TVs and other devices interferes with the production of melatonin, turn off devices 2 hours before bedtime. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Psalm 127:2 God grants sleep to those He loves. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7- What steps are you taking to develop a bed-time routine in your home? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Sleep is just as important as nutrition and exercise. SLEEP WELL! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-What are you doing to take the battle out of bedtime? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Shakespeare: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep. #urchurchparentministry

Technology

Keeping Our Children Safe Online

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Keeping Our Children Safe OnlineParents,

The stats say it all. 90% of children are online by 3rd grade. We live in a digital age. I mean for goodness sake, you are reading this online parenting class while connected to the Internet. The Internet is neutral, neither good or bad. However, just like real life, there can be some negative consequences if we don’t use it wisely. Never is this more true than with our kids.

If the average age of exposure to pornography is age 8, how do we protect our children from the potential negative repercussions of being connected to the world wide web? We’re going to tackle this tough subject this month. How do we keep our children safe online?

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/118525493/b901c932a4

You’re the guardian of your child’s heart, and we want to help you keep that pure by putting some boundaries on the use of your child’s mobile devices. Stay tuned for the second installment of “Keeping Our Children Safe Online.”

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: On-Line Safety for our Children-Part 2Parents,

Most of our kids have a level of online proficiency that can is bewildering to us. This electronic prowess can be extremely helpful, and it can be extremely damaging. We learned in our first installment of this month’s online parenting class that we are the guardians of our children’s hearts, and if we want those hearts to remain pure, we MUST put boundaries around our child’s use of the Internet.

Before Paul tells us about the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5, he first helps us understand that the Holy Spirit stands in stark contrast to our selfish desires. Paul says in Galatians 5:16-17:

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”

We want our children to be led by God and not by their flesh (selfish desires), so our role is to set boundaries in place that will help them to that end. Here are some tangible ways to begin setting boundaries that will lead children to online safety.

All laptops and desktops are to be used in public places. They don’t go in bedrooms.
Remove search engine (safari, yahoo, google) apps from your child’s mobile device. If they need to look something up, they use a public laptop.
Tell your child, if they delete the history on a device, it gets taken away. Then check your child’s history repeatedly (at least once a week) so you know what your child is looking at online.
Set restrictions on your child’s device (look for this month’s extra resource for more info on this).
Use a content filter (look for this month’s extra resource for more info on this)

There are many ways to set your child up for online success, and this list provides just a few ways to do that. We have an extra resource available to you this month called “Everything you need to know to safeguard your kid online.” If you feel like you could use some extra guidance in that area, we’re excited to share it with you!

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

Parenting has always been hard, but parenting in the digital age where we are all connected brings a whole different level of challenge. For the first time in history the world is as close as our kids’ iPod touch, thanks to the internet. This month’s online parenting class is one every parent in America needs because this month we are going to process how we can keep our kids safe online. We’re not just talking about the computer anymore. Online safety reaches all the way from the laptop kids can take to their rooms, to the Nintendo DS, Playstation, Xbox, and tablet they have to occupy their time when you travel. You can’t hide from the online threats that are out there facing your family even if they come through the online access your kids’ friends have.

There is a tendency for us as parents to see a threat and then try to shield our children from harm or shut it out of their lives. The problem with protecting your kids online and shutting that threat out is that our lives are intertwined with it. Our internet bill at home is just as critical as our water bill…we use it all the time. Our children need it in almost every aspect of their education, even if you homeschool. Protecting your child online means that you choose to guide them toward healthy use of the internet and you have to guide them.

Right now let’s start with why protecting your child online matters. I know Jesus did not face this issue, but he reveals a principle that can help us with this issue. What we see, hear, and experience shapes how we think and the choices we make, and the internet is a primary path of learning for us now. Even as adults when we have a problem we run to YouTube for help videos. What kids see online shapes their hearts and here is what Jesus had to say about the heart. This passage is a little intense, but I want to share it with you. Jesus knew we had to guard our hearts, and He told His followers…

Matthew 15:18-19 (NLT)
18 But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you.
19 For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.

That’s intense, but let’s connect the dots here. If bad things can flow from the heart then good things can also flow from the heart. Jesus taught that before we choose a bad action, that bad action brews in our heart first. The choices we make are shaped by what our heart has been shaped by. If we could just sit down and have coffee with Jesus I know he would push us as parents to make sure we protect what our kids’ hearts are exposed to because that is going to shape the choices they make. The pressure comes in the reality that you are the guardian of your child’s heart.

This week your job is to ask yourself this simple question. What steps are you taking to protect your child online? This month we will follow up with some practical advice on how to make that happen. Some of you might ask what am I protecting them from. Well, WebMD has already helped us some here. Recently they shared 4 big potential online threats to all our kids. These threats were

Cyberbullying – so many times our kids are being bullied behind a screen and sometimes our kids are the bullies!
Sexual Predators- people who would like nothing more than to harm our kids have access to our kids when we don’t help protect them online.
Pornography- We always think this will impact some other kid, but it’s a threat to every child! The typical child with no online guidance is experiencing pornography by the age of 8.
Damaged reputations- We have to help them THINK BEFORE they post. Once it’s on the web it’s freely accessible. Kids with no guidance share things they should not share.

We know this topic is difficult but we believe you are called to help guide your kids to healthy online lives. In the coming weeks look for part 2 of our online parenting class with some practical tips of what to do next!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Protecting your child online means that you choose to guide them toward healthy use of the Internet. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Begin the process of discussing online safety with your child as soon as they start using the Internet. #startearly #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Your child’s first line of defense when it comes to online safety is YOU! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-When it comes to online safety, you are the guardian of your child’s heart. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Good piece of online advice, if you wouldn’t do it face to face, don’t do it online. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6- Galatians 5:16, Walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Dave King, CEO of Digitalis says of allowing children on the Internet, “Never, under any circumstances browse unaccompanied.” #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-1 in 8 online searches is for erotic content. Know what your child is looking at online. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-79% of youth’s unwanted exposure to pornography takes place in the home, safeguard your home. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Most people don’t really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened by responsibility.#urchurchparentministry

Evil

Helping Kids Process Evil

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Teaching children about evil in our world

Parents,

Do you remember the first time you realized that there were REAL bad people in the world and not just in books or movies? That realization probably came during your elementary school years. It is during this stage that children begin to understand that bad things happen in our world. When our children are faced with this reality, it begs us, the parent, to ask, how do I talk to my child about evil; that evil is real, that it exits?

We want to help you navigate how to talk candidly with your child about evil, while at the same time protecting them from the fear and anxiety that can develop when people think about evil in our world. Check out this month’s video on How to Teach Our Children About Evil in the World.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/115113145/ab72f63a63

Later in the month I’ll be in touch with some practical steps for talking with your children about evil in the world.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Teaching about evil in our world Part 2Parents,

When our children were little they worried about monsters under their bed. Through their elementary years their worries will reflect the real world. They’ll begin to worry about terrorism, floods, kidnapping, etc. All of these new worries come about because evil exists in our world. But, how in the world do we talk with our children about evil?

The bottom line is we need to talk with our children about evil, so they will KNOW about it. We don’t want our children to EXPERIENCE it. To talk about evil with our children means we talk with them about the fact that we have an enemy, and his name is Satan. In Matthew 4 we see Jesus knew His enemy and when it came to combating evil, Jesus spoke words of TRUTH.

When we talk with our children about evil in the world we need to speak TRUTH, not our opinion, but the TRUTH of God’s word. I’m reminded of John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”. Our children can know there is an enemy who means harm, but we’re promised that Jesus has something totally different in mind.

This promise from Jesus is for eternity, which is why in our temporal world evil exists and will continue to exist. Our children can conquer evil by doing good. Jesus is the solution to evil, and He allows us to be part of the solution as well as we help our children to conquer evil by doing good (Romans 12:21).

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

In this online parenting class we want to help you as a parent now how to help your child deal with evil in world. Think about the first time you faced evil. For many of you 9-11 was a moment where you watched evil play out before your eyes. Every year at some point your kids hear about 9-11 as we remember and once again you are pushed to relive the memories. On a daily basis our kids hear about evil in the world through conversations at school or through watching the news or by reading a news article on our iPad. How do we have conversations about evil with our kids?

By 8 years old, children know the difference between fantasy and reality, so they are more likely to be frightened by televised new coverage of events such as kidnappings, murders, and terrorism. Kids figure out quickly that bad things happen and evil is real. As parents we struggle to know how to respond to our kids when they learn that reality. What I have learned as a parent is that I can’t explain everything to my 3rd grader but I can be a voice of clarity to her when it comes to evil in the world. As parents we shape the response of our children toward evil and this month we are going to give you some simple tips when it comes to talking with your child about the issue.

Here is the tension…although it’s important to protect our children’s innocence and give them only information their developing minds can handle, we’re reminded nearly every day that this planet can be a horrible place. How we as parents respond to evil shapes how our kids respond. God responded and is still responding to evil through Jesus. God is not passive when it comes to evil. God is not surprised by evil. The Bible says that God is confronting evil through people who follow Him and through the power of Jesus. Listen to what the Bible says about evil in one simple verse…

Romans 12:21 (NLT) 21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

We help our kids understand evil so that they will not be overcome by it. We step into the conversations about evil with our kids so they will have confidence to conquer it through good. They can stand against it and we will stand with them. Kids need to know that no matter what happens in the world we will walk with them. Kids gain their confidence through us so be willing to help the discover it through your presence.

Here are a few tips to help you begin to deal with this issue in your home…

When you talk about evil make sure kids know good wins because God will make things right. //

We know there is evil in the world but our kids need to know that God is pushing back evil through the good we choose every day. Good wins because God wins. Evil flows from people choosing to evils actions. We push against evil with the good that we choose. Your confidence in God helps your child have confidence in God.

Let your kids ask you questions. //

silence is a bad choice for parents to choose when it comes to evil. When your child faces evil they need you to help them process not shut down. They need to know they can come to you when they don’t understand and when you allow that to happen as kids you set yourself up for more conversations as they grow up. Kids need a safe place to process the reality of evil.

Limit social media and TV access for kids. //

Your child need to hear you explain horrible situations and not their friends on social media or on the anchor on the news. To have a shot at being able to help your kids face evil and protect them from evil then guard them from overexposure to news and social media. Honestly your child does not need to be on any social media platform until they are 12 or older.

We know this is a heavy issue and a real issue every parent faces. Be looking for part 2 of this online parenting class coming from your children’s ministry in the coming weeks! Praying that God will give you wisdom as you help your child deal with the issue of evil.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1-By age 8 children can distinguish reality and fantasy, so become frightened by the realities they see in the news. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2-Edmund Burke “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothng.#urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Parents can’t explain everything when it comes to evil but they can be a voice of clarity. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-Don’t give too much info when talking about evil. Clarify 1st what your child wants to know. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- Romans 12:21-Evil is conquered by doing good, so DO GOOD. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-The clearest point when teaching children about evil, in the end, GOD wins over evil! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Your confidence in God will guide your children to develop confidence in God. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8-Not talking about evil in our world only adds to a child’s anxiety. SPEAK TRUTH to them. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-Protect your children from evil by limiting exposure to news and social media. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10-Evil exists because of an initial choice by Adam and Eve to choose their desires over God’s. #urchurchparentministry

Relationship

Encouragement vs. Perfectionism

Month 13 Overview-How do we move from being parents who encourage perfectionism to parents who perfect encouragement?

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Encouraging Perfectionism or Perfecting EncouragementParents,

Are you a perfectionist? Do you have a child who is a perfectionist? Being a perfectionist is ROUGH (I speak from experience) because NO ONE is perfect. It’s exhausting, and to a child who finds personal value from doing something well, it can be a train wreck of emotion.

Sometimes our children are perfectionists because they get it from us. Sometimes we’ve created it in them because we’ve only praised them when they’ve done something well. How often do you hear a parent say something like, “You’re just not great at basketball, I don’t think it’s your thing.”? We tend to tell our children only what they are good at, and often don’t help them understand their weaknesses.

This month we want to help you navigate what it looks like to help your child learn from failure and understand that perfectionism isn’t the goal, excellence is.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/111735823/34ddcb48c1

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Part 2 of Perfectionism vs. EncouragementParents,

Have you ever seen your child become anxious or angry when they make a mistake? Does your little one give up easily? Is he overly cautious about tasks? Does she meltdown when things don’t go as planned? If you answered yes to these questions you probably have a perfectionist on your hands.

If you’ve seen the anxiety that’s created inside the mind of your little perfectionist, I’m guessing you want to know HOW to help them move past perfectionism in order to rationally deal with failure.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says…
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Perspective on weaknesses goes a long way. God’s power is only made perfect in weakness. So we’re to boast in our weakness. That kind of flies in the face of our Western culture. However, His strength is what guides us. Here are some practical tools for helping your little perfectionist move toward becoming one who strives for excellence instead:

Don’t praise kids for achievements that come easily
Nix the comparison game
Talk openly about differences, strengths and weaknesses. We all have them. God created us uniquely with different strengths and weaknesses.
Be SPECIFIC with your praise. No more “You’re such a good girl.” Instead, “Thanks for taking the initiative to keep your room clean. You’re showing such responsibility.”

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

I am not a perfectionist but I am the parent of a perfectionist. I am betting many of you right now can think which of your children leans toward perfectionism. This month we want to help you as a parent learn how to practice the art of encouragement so you child will chase after excellence and not perfection.

Many of our kids struggle with perfectionism because from the outside every other life looks perfect because we are all good at hiding our struggle. Kids have picked up on this. We award kids who excel so many of our children compare themselves to a perfect standard that is in reality does not exist. Perfection is a myth when you are dealing with people but we all chase after it. Think about for just a minute how many times you heard teachers or coaches or even parents as that “failure is not an option?” That idea is insane because we all know it’s a real option and it’s actually the only way we learn.

I have already told you my daughter is a perfectionist and I am not. In 5th grade she made it to the finals of her school spelling bee and she had a real shot to win. She practiced and prepared for a week for the bee and during the contest she advanced to the final few kids. Then the unthinkable happened. My daughter spelled the work right but she made a mistake on the rules of delivery…she got the sequence out of order but she spelled the word correctly. The judges convened and they said she was disqualified because she made the mistake. After the competition I race to get to her before anyone else did because she was so mad. I pulled her close, I hugged her while she cried, and then I whispered in her ear to just accept her mistake and hold her head up. She won to me. She was the only kid out that did not misspell a word!

Encouragement that lead kids to excellence is the kind that embraces failure as a learning tool and a motivation. That’s the kind of encouragement we want to give our kids. Our kids need to know we don’t demand perfection from them in order for us to be for them! Think about what the Bible says in the book of proverbs…
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

That does not sound like God expects us to be perfect. God knows we won’t be perfect so he calls us to trust in him and rely on Him to show us the way. Kids need to hear that same message from us. They need to hear us consistently push them to give it their all and know we will walk with them no matter what.

This month we want you to focus leading your child to excellence over perfectionism.
Here is were you can start this month…

Praise character not just behavior. (Behaviors change over time but character lasts!)

Be specific with your praise. (Really be clear with what you are praising them for!)

Remember that it’s ok to push your kids to work hard but never make your love for them conditional by demanding perfection. Encouragement is about helping your child embrace the joy of doing their best every day!

Start with these 2 strategies for encouragement this week. Take time this month to evaluate if you have been pushing your child toward perfectionism. If you have, use this month to change that habit. Later in the month you will get an email from your children’s ministry that will continue this online class! We are praying this month helps you build a bridge to the heart of your child.

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Take the necessary steps to help your child move toward excellence not perfection. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Ecnouragement is about helping your child embrace the joy of doing his best every day. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3- Failure actually is an option, and is, sometimes, the best way we learn. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-Fight perfectionism in your child by praising character not behavior. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5-Anne Lamott: Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-Everyone else seems to have it together when we compare our behind the scenes to their highlight reel. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7-Strulgge with perfectionism yourself? Check out Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #8—God has uniquely made each of us with individual strengths and weaknesses. Help your child sees hers realistically. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #9-Encouragememnt that leads kids to excellence will embrace failure as a learning tool and motiviation. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #10- Brene Brown; Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. #urchurchparentministry

Work

How To Get Your Children To Do More Than Play Wii//Cultivating Good Work Habits

Email 1

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: How to get your kid to do more than play WiiParents,

A new study says kids today are more materialistic, they want MORE than ever before, and they’re less likely to work and study hard for the things they want. We want our children to be responsible, to work hard. In order for them to be responsible, we must give them responsibilities.

How do we teach them to be hard workers, and for that matter, does hard work even matter? Check out this month’s online parenting class to see how to get your kid to do more than play Wii.

https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/109290185/994e8cc62d

In a couple of weeks I’ll be sending you the second installment of how to cultivate good work habits in your children. Maybe a good starting point is thinking through some appropriate chores at home for your child. Do they need more than they currently have, do they need to be pushed to do the current ones better?

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Email 2

Copy/Paste the following email:

Subject line: Part 2 of Cultivating Good Work Habits in Our Kids

Parents,

W-O-R-K is not a four-letter word, but many kids act like it is. There is a great sense of value that comes from accomplishing something through our labor, but how do we teach this to our children. How do we raise them so they understand the value of hard work?

2 Thessalonians 3:6-15 gives great Biblical perspective on the idea of idleness. Paul can be a brutal guy at times, and in verse 10 of 2 Thessalonians 3 he says, “ If anyone isn’t willing to work, he shouldn’t eat.” Now that’s pretty drastic, but it illustrates the point that being a hard worker is important to God.

It can be tough to teach our little ones a strong work ethic, moving them beyond their cartoons and video screens to engage in a helpful, meaningful way. It starts in the home. In order for children to be responsible we must give them responsibilities to manage. Here are a few ways to communicate responsibility to your child:

Be a role model. Do I skip work because I feel like it, give my all to a project, spend within my means, keep my word?
Don’t continually bail kids out of their responsibilities. They have to eat school lunch if they forget their lunchbox. If you have to pick up their toys, you get to keep them (until they’ve proven responsibility and can have them back).
Give checklists. Kids can get overwhelmed with a verbal to-do list. Write out what you want them to do so they can mark through their accomplishments.

Partnering with you,
Children’s Pastor

Video Script

This month we are going to work together on a issue I know every parent faces. This month we are going to process how we can help our kids do more than just play the Wii! How can we help our kids have good work habits?

As soon as you become a parent you immediately begin to remember all those lessons we hated learning as kids that were actually really good for us. We all have a story about hard work. Our parents pushed us to work hard.

My hard work story goes like this…when I wanted a new pair of Air Jordans, the greatest shoe ever, my mom told me she would pay half if I would pay the other half. I had to work hard for that other half. I bought those shoes with my money and some help from my parents. We all have a story like that but those stories don’t seem to connect often with kids today.

As parents if something really matters we have to help our kids embrace the value. Now that we are parents we know hard work matters. Now that we are parents we have to make the hard choice to help our kids know what hard work is about because many of their friends will not know the value because they are not being taught the value.

Psychologists asked a group of kids, would you rather be gifted or hard working. ALL kids said they’d rather be gifted because everything would be easier. Our generation of parents and kids seem to be obsessed with ability but there is a secret to real success in life. Ability has to be matched with hard work. Even if your child is gifted there will come a time when he will be around people who are just as gifted as him (at Harvard, Julliard), what’s the advantage then. If we’ve parented well, it could be that they know the value of HARD WORK.

This month we want to give you permission to do what in your heart you already know you need to do. We want you to help your child begin to understand that hard work matters. We want you to give your child the greatest advantage they could ever have in the ability to work hard. I am a living example of what hard work can do for a kid. My parents demanded I work hard and they modeled it to me. When I got to school i did not test well but my grades were always in the top. It was not until I was in 5th grade that I realized that it was hard work that was making the difference. I might not have had the best test score on the standardized test but no test could keep me from working hard. That was an advantage.

God is even for hard work. Read Genesis chapter 2 and you will find that when God created man and woman he gave them…are you ready…a job! God asked them to work in paradise. Why…because work is a needed aspect of life because it allows us to create and make things better. We are wired to work!

How can you start to give your kids the hard work advantage this month. Here are a few tips of how to get started…

1. Give each child appropriate chores in the house. // I know you can clean better than your kids can but they need chores if they are going to learn what work is about. Chores have to be age appropriate but they need to discover that being part of a healthy family is work and that work never ends!
2. Hold kids accountable to their responsibilities. // If you ask a kid to be responsible with something then hold them to that expectation. When kids choose not to work hard then we have to allow them to see where that leads. It’s OK to let your kid struggle so they get what hard work is. This month try no bailing your child out of their moments of laziness and see if they start learning the lesson.
3. Leverage allowance to reward hard work. // Every kid enjoys money but giving kids an allowance ties to responsibilities they have is a great way to show kids the value of hard work and the value of managing their resources. Allowance never needs to be automatic it needs to be a part of the rhythm of your home life. Allowance can be a great way to affirm kids that they help make your home flow well and that hard work makes life better at home.

Later in the month you will get another Online Parenting Class email that will help you take another step forward with some practical ideas of how to teach your child about hard work. I know it’s hard in the moment to push your kids work hard but they will thank you when they grow up. Press on!

Weekly tweets from you to parents:

TIP: Choose a hashtag for your tweets and use it consistently. That will tell twitter to store a list of your tweets in one place for later reference.

TWEET #1- Spend some time telling your child one of your HARD WORK stories. Are you giving your child one? #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #2- Motivation gets you started, but habit keeps you going #teachhardwork #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #3-Yes, you clean better than your kids, but still give them chores-teach responsibility! #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #4-There is no secret to success. It’s the result of hard work, preparation, and learning from failure-Colin Powell #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #5- A great lesson for kids: teaching them the VALUE of hard work. #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #6-A great resource for handling allowance-Smart Money Smart Kids by Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze http://amzn.to/1kpBCCz #urchurchparentministry
TWEET #7- Being responsible means others can count on you, you’re a person of your word #teachresponsibility #urchurchparentministry